Page 29 | To not apologise to sibling

Bearingsbear20 · 2025-12-10T11:09:25+00:00

It's another inheritance one! My sibling and I had a verbal agreement that I would take DF's whole estate when he died (as I'm the only one named in his will, sibling isn't as they don't get on, they keep saying he was abusive when they were a child etc. which is stupid as he's pleasant now) and my sibling would take DM's. DM died earlier this year somewhat unexpectedly and didn't leave any legal will. We then found a draft will naming sibling as taking the bulk of the estate and leaving me a small remainder. This tallies with what DM told me i would be left, as she phoned me up before she died and told me she was trying to 'make it fair' between us. Initially I told sibling to sort out all the administrative stuff for DM's estate as I was about to have my first DC and was too busy to take it on. Sibling initially was communicative, let me know what was happening. Involved me in the funeral etc. After a few weeks I told sibling I wanted 50% of mum's estate as per the law since there was no valid will and that i would buy sibling out of their share of the house. Sibling then mostly stopped talking to me, I couldn't find out what was happening with the estate etc. and we argued several times. Sibling was insisting I was doing the wrong thing for pushing for my 50% and they kept mentioning DF's will, which is unreasonable IMO and I find it sad they are talking about this before he's even passed. Sibling wanted to put DM's house up for auction and said they'd be in touch when the estate admin was sorted and would follow the intestacy rules. Then they started selling off assets e.g. the car without consulting me. I went and got a solicitor to send a letter to my sibling as I wasn't getting any detail about the estate and they were refusing to have me buy out 50% of their share of the house. The solicitor sent a few letters and eventually now sibling has agreed I can buy out their share. They're now not talking to me though and have refused to see me over Christmas etc. until I 'acknowledge what I've done'. I don't see that I've done anything wrong, I've just pushed for my legal inheritance, and sibling cut contact first. So AIBU?

AutumnAllTheWay · 11/12/2025 00:09

Frequency · 10/12/2025 23:50

My DD did the same. Her dad died without a will, and DD inherited a substantial amount of money, property, and investments, not millions, but enough to set her up for life if she is careful.

The first thing she asked when she found out how much his estate was worth and that it all went to her was, "So, who shares it out? Do I have to do that, or does the solicitor do it?"

She knew her dad didn't mean for it all to be hers, but he died young and very suddenly. Had he made a will, her sister, who was raised by DD2's dad since she was 10 months old would have received an equal share. DD was also of the opinion that if he'd known he would die young, others would have benefited, such as his sister, nephew and godchild.

The idea of keeping it all to herself never occurred to her. She shared it in the way she thought her dad would have done if he could.

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Wonderful.

Nevernonono · 11/12/2025 01:52

Frequency · 10/12/2025 23:50

My DD did the same. Her dad died without a will, and DD inherited a substantial amount of money, property, and investments, not millions, but enough to set her up for life if she is careful.

The first thing she asked when she found out how much his estate was worth and that it all went to her was, "So, who shares it out? Do I have to do that, or does the solicitor do it?"

She knew her dad didn't mean for it all to be hers, but he died young and very suddenly. Had he made a will, her sister, who was raised by DD2's dad since she was 10 months old would have received an equal share. DD was also of the opinion that if he'd known he would die young, others would have benefited, such as his sister, nephew and godchild.

The idea of keeping it all to herself never occurred to her. She shared it in the way she thought her dad would have done if he could.

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Your daughter is a credit to you and her late father.

❤️

Ohnonotthisagain2025 · 11/12/2025 02:02

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ScorchingEgg · 11/12/2025 02:08

My goodness. I hope karma comes and bites you. What an absolutely disgusting human you are.

HoppingPavlova · 11/12/2025 02:14

Utter dick move and hiding it behind ‘legality’ is such poor form. I’d cut you off if I was your sister as I couldn’t get paste this conversation molars snake in the grass move.

Forthwith81 · 11/12/2025 02:29

Oh, for heaven’s sake. 0/10. 🙄

Allthings · 11/12/2025 06:00

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

This sort of behaviour does go on and far more frequently than you would like to think it does. Some of what has been posted fits in with something I have experienced.

It could be a wind up, and there currently appear to be many threads about all sorts of things which were bordering on far fetched and OP never coming back to update after receiving loads of advice. I feel as if I have been sucked in on at least 4 threads over the last week.

BookArt55 · 11/12/2025 06:47

You came to ask for advise, the majority of responses say you are unreasonable. I also disagree with you, to are happy to go along with your father's wishes that financially benefit you, but are happy to ignore your mother's wishes because you see a loop hole. It's wrong for you to get £75%.
What's worth more to you? Your relationship with you sibling, or the money?

So you've had all the responses, what are you going to do?

HamptonPlace · 11/12/2025 07:09

Mumtobabyhavoc · 10/12/2025 23:35

@Differentforgirls @HamptonPlace

Prick?
Asshole?

Those were the first two that came to mind.

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Much stronger.

Whatsthatsheila · 11/12/2025 07:32

PatsyJane · 10/12/2025 18:53

I mean this is probably avpost to get people debating and not true at all but I would venture that the DM wasn’t completely decided about not leaving her children equal shares. It’s a difficult thing for a mother to do so maybe she decided not to go through with it. She didn’t have an official will and she could have done one.
However I think the DF is continuing abusive behavior by telling the DS she is written out of whatever he leaves ( if anything ) so I would quietly tell my sibling that in that case it will be half each no matter what his will says.

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If this is true there’s no way OP will ignore the will of the father … they must follow the law after all.

(but yes part of me does thing this is one of those 🧌 posts though I can see how some people would do just this!)

Silverbirchleaf · 11/12/2025 07:39

Awkward situation, but you are doing what’s legally yours. Also, what if df changes his will later to include siblings, or money goes to care home etc? Then you’d lose out.

TeaAndTattoos · 11/12/2025 07:50

Let me see if I’ve got this right because I can’t actually believe what I’m reading here you agreed with your sibling that you would get all of your dads estate and they would get all of your mums estate but now that your mum has died you want to split your mums estate 50/50
but you still Plan on taking 100% of your dads estate. It’s not your sibling who’s the problem here it’s you. Let your sister have all of your mums estate like you agreed to and stop trying to be so fucking greedy and nasty.

HomeTheatreSystem · 11/12/2025 08:13

You say you want to follow the law but you should know you can do a deed of variation which changes how the assets are shared between you. You have both been foolish to try and plan to have your parents money divided in this way. Now you find that intestacy puts you in a far better position than you might otherwise have been, so you tell your sister you're going to renege on the deal you had, and you wonder why she's pissed off with you and won't speak to you ??!! Have you also thought how hurt she might be feeling that her mum didn't make an actual Will to formalise her wishes and save her all this bother?

BTW your presence with your father in the solicitor's office at the time he made his Will could turn out to be problematic for you in the long run as it could be seen as you trying to influence him which would cast doubt as to the validity of his Will. If I were you I'd agree to share both estates equally, via deed of variation, regardless of what your father wants. If he needs to go into care, you will find his assets will diminish so fast there'll be little left for either of you. This way you each get what you'd always agreed which is half. The fact the rest of the family agree with your stance is neither here nor there.

It's strange how you can't see how wrong all this is. Has greed really blinded you to this extent? Are you genuinely saying that if it were your sister who stood to inherit all your dad's estate and half your mum's, that you'd be happy with that because it's what the intestacy law says? Why would you jeopardise your relationship with your sister over money split fairly? Seriously, you are not coming across at all well here.

PrincessSakura · 11/12/2025 08:15

OP I honestly shocked at how stubborn you are being. You are refusing to see this from your siblings perspective and have a very black and white approach to this situation, I’m not surprised your sibling has stopped talking to you, there’s no empathy from you, just pure greed and selfishness.

Allthings · 11/12/2025 08:38

Silverbirchleaf · 11/12/2025 07:39

Awkward situation, but you are doing what’s legally yours. Also, what if df changes his will later to include siblings, or money goes to care home etc? Then you’d lose out.

This is where the problem lies. If OP had already benefited from DF estate, IMO OP would be in the wrong, but DF is very much alive and no one knows if when the time comes if he will have anything left to leave, or he could change his will. OP is being called all sorts of things, based on something which may never happen, may happen well into the future, or OP may predecease DF. If OP had not mentioned DF’s will, the responses would have been very different.

But as things currently stand and despite OP not coming across very well, I don’t think OP is as wrong as is being made out bearing in mind that OP is currently a future beneficiary of DF. DM died intestate and the siblings are entitled to a 50:50 share. I do however feel that OP should equally share with their sibling anything which they get from DF when he passes. But given what has gone on, I suspect that the trust between OP and their sibling has been destroyed and I am sure it will be felt that OPs word will mean nothing. Although the sibling may not want anything from DF estate via OP due to historic abuse. The abuse which is being brushed off by OP.

If DM wanted the sibling to have the bulk of her estate, the will should have been sorted. Most parents (in this case a single person) would want to share their estate equally between their offspring (unless they have good reason not to and for any avoidance of doubt that should be documented) and we don’t know why DM did not finalise her will leaving the bulk to the sibling. Did time run out, or did she have a change of heart? Who knows. Neither OP or their sibling would be in this mess if DM had made a valid will.

Imdunfer · 11/12/2025 08:40

Allthings · 11/12/2025 08:38

This is where the problem lies. If OP had already benefited from DF estate, IMO OP would be in the wrong, but DF is very much alive and no one knows if when the time comes if he will have anything left to leave, or he could change his will. OP is being called all sorts of things, based on something which may never happen, may happen well into the future, or OP may predecease DF. If OP had not mentioned DF’s will, the responses would have been very different.

But as things currently stand and despite OP not coming across very well, I don’t think OP is as wrong as is being made out bearing in mind that OP is currently a future beneficiary of DF. DM died intestate and the siblings are entitled to a 50:50 share. I do however feel that OP should equally share with their sibling anything which they get from DF when he passes. But given what has gone on, I suspect that the trust between OP and their sibling has been destroyed and I am sure it will be felt that OPs word will mean nothing. Although the sibling may not want anything from DF estate via OP due to historic abuse. The abuse which is being brushed off by OP.

If DM wanted the sibling to have the bulk of her estate, the will should have been sorted. Most parents (in this case a single person) would want to share their estate equally between their offspring (unless they have good reason not to and for any avoidance of doubt that should be documented) and we don’t know why DM did not finalise her will leaving the bulk to the sibling. Did time run out, or did she have a change of heart? Who knows. Neither OP or their sibling would be in this mess if DM had made a valid will.

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OP is being called all sorts of things, based on something which may never happen, may happen well into the future, or OP may predecease DF. If OP had not mentioned DF’s will, the responses would have been very different.

OP is being called all sorts of things based on her stated intentions and current actions, nothing else.

Allthings · 11/12/2025 09:13

I disagree, it’s the context that has led to this situation and the mess is all down to DM not putting things into place to ensure her wishes were carried out. We don’t know why DM did not formalise things and she may have changed her mind, as has OP. If anyone is to blame it’s DM. The sibling is still getting 50%.

If it was purely OP changing her mind, no one would be saying she was greedy in accepting the 50% she is entitled to. They would be crying foul about her changing her mind. Whist some are calling her out on that, it’s not insulation. It’s the fact that DF has made her a beneficiary which had generated a lot of the name calling. OP may never inherit anything from DF. Wills can be changed almost overnight, DF could remarry and every single one of us could loose virtually everything we have due to care costs.

Using foul names to someone who is a new mother and recently bereaved is really low even though OP is not coming across very well. The point can be made without name calling. The sibling as executor is also not coming across very well either, as those duties are not being carried out as they should be. That has hardly been picked up in the comments.

Neither DM, OP or the sibling have showered themselves in glory.

ChloeMorningstar · 11/12/2025 09:22

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 14:31

@Feelingrotten DM and DF split up a long time ago, actually sibling had quite a lot to do with that when we were young, encouraged DM to leave DF etc. It's a complicated situation and DF was devastated, never got over it really, so I was advised to take the legal route once she died unexpectedly rather than honour any woolly verbal agreements.

so I was advised to take the legal route once she died unexpectedly rather than honour any woolly verbal agreements.

by who?

MissDoubleU · 11/12/2025 10:34

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 17:16

Well I help out with him. Our other relatives do too. We all had to deal with his difficult behaviour, but sibling has chosen to cut herself off.

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Good for her. Having real boundaries and not pandering to and caring for a man that abused her. Too many men treat women however they like, even their own young daughters, then expect them to run after them and care for them when they’re old. And here you are - doing just that. More fool you. I hope you enjoy getting all his money and I hope it makes up for the dignity you’re sacrificing to sweep everything under the carpet.

HamptonPlace · 11/12/2025 10:40

Allthings · 11/12/2025 09:13

I disagree, it’s the context that has led to this situation and the mess is all down to DM not putting things into place to ensure her wishes were carried out. We don’t know why DM did not formalise things and she may have changed her mind, as has OP. If anyone is to blame it’s DM. The sibling is still getting 50%.

If it was purely OP changing her mind, no one would be saying she was greedy in accepting the 50% she is entitled to. They would be crying foul about her changing her mind. Whist some are calling her out on that, it’s not insulation. It’s the fact that DF has made her a beneficiary which had generated a lot of the name calling. OP may never inherit anything from DF. Wills can be changed almost overnight, DF could remarry and every single one of us could loose virtually everything we have due to care costs.

Using foul names to someone who is a new mother and recently bereaved is really low even though OP is not coming across very well. The point can be made without name calling. The sibling as executor is also not coming across very well either, as those duties are not being carried out as they should be. That has hardly been picked up in the comments.

Neither DM, OP or the sibling have showered themselves in glory.

I wonder why OP is a ‘recent member’ 😉

Allthings · 11/12/2025 10:52

@HamptonPlace I think there is a lot of them about at the moment. However I have heard of a number of things that the OP has mentioned happening to people I know. There is nothing like a death for the vultures to arrive.

But I am getting to the opinion that this place is probably best avoided at the moment as there are too many posts which are dubious and the OP never returns. I like to take things at face value, but quite frankly am getting bored of it all.

AutumnLover1989 · 11/12/2025 11:22

MissDoubleU · 11/12/2025 10:34

Good for her. Having real boundaries and not pandering to and caring for a man that abused her. Too many men treat women however they like, even their own young daughters, then expect them to run after them and care for them when they’re old. And here you are - doing just that. More fool you. I hope you enjoy getting all his money and I hope it makes up for the dignity you’re sacrificing to sweep everything under the carpet.

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She's going to end up a very lonely old woman but hey,you'll have some money 💰 🤑 🙄

piscofrisco · 11/12/2025 16:38

Well are you planning on giving the sibling half of your Dads estate when the time comes? I would hope so. And if so have you explained that to them?

LilacReader · 12/12/2025 09:00

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 16:59

Well I would be more inclined to if sibling would be communicative...but they seem to not want a relationship anymore.

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So you'll only do the right, decent thing if you get something out of it?!!!

MILLYmo0se · 12/12/2025 09:44

piscofrisco · 11/12/2025 16:38

Well are you planning on giving the sibling half of your Dads estate when the time comes? I would hope so. And if so have you explained that to them?

No she isn't. OP 'deserves' it all because sibling won't help look after her father due to their abusive childhood, even though he is pleasant now. Worse again they encouraged mum to leave the abuse so OP is taking all of dad's and half of mums