To not apologise to sibling

[Bearingsbear20]

It's another inheritance one!

My sibling and I had a verbal agreement that I would take DF's whole estate when he died (as I'm the only one named in his will, sibling isn't as they don't get on, they keep saying he was abusive when they were a child etc. which is stupid as he's pleasant now) and my sibling would take DM's.

DM died earlier this year somewhat unexpectedly and didn't leave any legal will. We then found a draft will naming sibling as taking the bulk of the estate and leaving me a small remainder. This tallies with what DM told me i would be left, as she phoned me up before she died and told me she was trying to 'make it fair' between us.

Initially I told sibling to sort out all the administrative stuff for DM's estate as I was about to have my first DC and was too busy to take it on. Sibling initially was communicative, let me know what was happening. Involved me in the funeral etc.

After a few weeks I told sibling I wanted 50% of mum's estate as per the law since there was no valid will and that i would buy sibling out of their share of the house. Sibling then mostly stopped talking to me, I couldn't find out what was happening with the estate etc. and we argued several times. Sibling was insisting I was doing the wrong thing for pushing for my 50% and they kept mentioning DF's will, which is unreasonable IMO and I find it sad they are talking about this before he's even passed. Sibling wanted to put DM's house up for auction and said they'd be in touch when the estate admin was sorted and would follow the intestacy rules. Then they started selling off assets e.g. the car without consulting me.

I went and got a solicitor to send a letter to my sibling as I wasn't getting any detail about the estate and they were refusing to have me buy out 50% of their share of the house. The solicitor sent a few letters and eventually now sibling has agreed I can buy out their share.

They're now not talking to me though and have refused to see me over Christmas etc. until I 'acknowledge what I've done'. I don't see that I've done anything wrong, I've just pushed for my legal inheritance, and sibling cut contact first. So AIBU?

Can you imagine being a child and relying on someone like this for survival?

Are you really that dense/emotionally stunted that you can't see why your DSis wants an apology? You agreed she'd inherit from your mum, you from your dad. At the merest whiff of a windfall you got yourself lawyered up to go back on the agreement.

Are you prepared to lose her from your life forever because of your greed?

Total greed. You knew.your mother's wishes even if the formal will wasn't in place. Money truly brings out the worst in people I wouldn't speak to you either and would be telling everyone exactly why

Christ on a bike @Bearingsbear20
You minimize your sister's abuse, you renege on your verbal agreement with her, you acknowledge your mother told you her estate wishes and then you take legal action against your sister for your mother's estate.

You. Knew. What. Was. Intended.

You, my dear, are a piece of work.
Your actions are those of a bitch on wheels.

Because he abused her.

your gaslighting of her is also abusive behaviour.

When me and my siblings were born our Grandmother purchased premium bonds. We each have the same amount and I can 💯 categorically say that if any of us won it would be split 3 ways because we know that's what she would have wanted.

The poll results tell you all you need to know.
Nearly 2000 votes and 97% YABU.

You had an agreement.
DM made a draft will leaving majority to sibling.
DF is leaving majority/all to you.

I feel very sorry for your sibling who you have shafted. I hope your conscience is OK with that - mine wouldn't be.

Yes, you can technically do it despite your DM's wishes being extremely clear, because unfortunately the will was only draft. But you can't do it and continue to have a good relationship with your sibling. And I wouldn't blame her/him for cutting off contact with you entirely.

Really hoping this is a reverse, because bloody hell I have rarely read such immoral, reprehensible behaviour being defended with such vigour. FFS OP. This is your sister. The person you share the most DNA with on the planet. I would do anything to still have my sister here as a confidante and friend - family is precious and you are wantonly burning bridges with someone who should be able to rely on you as her biggest ally. Criminal.

The more I read of OP's posts the more despicable she seems. Absolutely insolent. It sounds like she has rallied family against her sister. Contemptuous.

It doesn’t change anything at all unless you get greedy, so stop trying to justify what you’ve done on the basis that your hand has been forced by the law. Nobody is going to have begun a prosecution against you if you’d said ‘No, we have an agreement, she’s having our mum’s estate and I’ll take our father’s estate’. What you’ve done is morally reprehensible.

Unless she’s previously done exactly the same thing to you with grandparents estates, then there’s nothing you can say that will make anyone think anything other than you are morally bankrupt. If I were you, I’d change my name and never refer to this thread again because you’ve made yourself sound horrendous.

No wonder she wants nothing to do with any of you.

I wonder what you would have done in your sister’s position. And yes, given you knew your mother’s intentions, I think you are being exceptionally greedy. If I were your sister, I would have taken it to a tribunal before splitting it, to see what they said given the whole situation.

I hope your father finds out what you have done. If I were your sister, regardless of whether I got on with him, I’d make sure he knows.

You come across as a rather unloving, unkind, greedy, disingenuous sister. Merry Christmas.

Given that the father is still alive and could be alive for years, he has plenty of time to use all of his assets and money, or change his will. So no guarantee that OP would get a penny.

We don’t know if DM even changed her mind about one sibling getting everything, but for whatever reason there was no valid will and DM died intestate and given there is no spouse of dependents, everything is split equally between DM’s children.

With two beneficiaries, the sibling was out of order disposing of any assets without agreement of OP and if they can’t come to an agreement about the house, it should be sold on the open market or if necessary via auction. The sibling does not have to agree to OP buying and flipping the property. As executor, the sibling should be communicating with OP. Although given what has been said, it’s not surprising that things are panning out as they are. The sibling is going to be very hurt by OP not honouring a promise, but at the same time is getting 50%. OP may end up with nothing from either parent.

What would be a sensible way forward would have been to have a discussion with the sibling and agreed that both estates would be split 50:50, ideally the father’s being by deed of variation. No action being required for DM’s estate as for whatever reason she died intestate. That way both of them are treated fairly. The waters have become muddied by promises made without a will to back those promises up. MAKE A WILL PEOPLE and keep it up to date when circumstances change! I don’t however think that the sibling would trust OP to do the right thing.

People seldom do what is the morally right thing when there is an inheritance and the most awful behaviours can come out of the woodwork. It’s not too late to resolve the situation but I expect too much water has already gone under the bridge. Being dismissive of the abuse the sibling was subject to has added massively to this sorry situation and the undercurrents run throughout every single thing that has gone on.

Hope he drinks all the money away.

You know you said she could have it all and now you’ve changed your mind. That’s what you did wrong OP and that’s what you owe the apology for.

Less than 100k? I hope that money was worth the relationship with your sibling. I can’t imagine how awful they must feel now knowing the money was more important to you than them.

I really hope that your father ends up spending all his money on care and you inherit nothing.

You do not have to 'follow the law'. The law is not instructing you to take 50%. You are choosing to follow the law because it suits you. If you take 50%, your sibling should have 50% of your father's will. What you both seem to be forgetting, is that your father may need care and there may be no inheritance. Be fair and look after each other.

@Bearingsbear20 Hope you are enjoying the well-deserved pile on Op. The more I contemplate it, the more disgusted I am that you could do what you have done. You are the lowest of the low, in my view. Give her back her money.

You take all that you knew your mother wanted your sibling to have, you've shown yourself as a money grabbing spitful person and if that's what most of your family agree with so be it.

Let's hope that they're not just waiting for a handout from you as both your parents inheritance seems to all be coming your way.

Equally hopefully you can rely on them just as much if your future doesn't go as you plan, after all your never know when you may need a kidney.

If your sibling never spoke to you again it would be too soon.

So are you going to share your inheritance from your dad with these other relatives that help out? As apparently helping out means you get more inheritance right?

No words.

Glad you're not my sister.

I don't understand why this discussion is about which sibling does what re their mother's estate. If she died intestate, the money and property are not theirs at all, but her husband's.

She wasn’t married.

Greed. You are being so unreasonable, completely disregarding the agreement you made verbally with your sibling. You've now seen there is no actual will so literally going for gold, legally but not ethically. Of course your sibling is upset.

You, and your family who side with you, have got pounds in your eyes and you cannot see at all that YABU? Unbelievable.

You are a horrible person . I’m not bloody surprised your sibling doesn’t visit your DF if he abused her . Not that you believe he did clearly with all the quotation marks . I’m glad you’re not my sibling