To not apologise to sibling

[Bearingsbear20]

It's another inheritance one!

My sibling and I had a verbal agreement that I would take DF's whole estate when he died (as I'm the only one named in his will, sibling isn't as they don't get on, they keep saying he was abusive when they were a child etc. which is stupid as he's pleasant now) and my sibling would take DM's.

DM died earlier this year somewhat unexpectedly and didn't leave any legal will. We then found a draft will naming sibling as taking the bulk of the estate and leaving me a small remainder. This tallies with what DM told me i would be left, as she phoned me up before she died and told me she was trying to 'make it fair' between us.

Initially I told sibling to sort out all the administrative stuff for DM's estate as I was about to have my first DC and was too busy to take it on. Sibling initially was communicative, let me know what was happening. Involved me in the funeral etc.

After a few weeks I told sibling I wanted 50% of mum's estate as per the law since there was no valid will and that i would buy sibling out of their share of the house. Sibling then mostly stopped talking to me, I couldn't find out what was happening with the estate etc. and we argued several times. Sibling was insisting I was doing the wrong thing for pushing for my 50% and they kept mentioning DF's will, which is unreasonable IMO and I find it sad they are talking about this before he's even passed. Sibling wanted to put DM's house up for auction and said they'd be in touch when the estate admin was sorted and would follow the intestacy rules. Then they started selling off assets e.g. the car without consulting me.

I went and got a solicitor to send a letter to my sibling as I wasn't getting any detail about the estate and they were refusing to have me buy out 50% of their share of the house. The solicitor sent a few letters and eventually now sibling has agreed I can buy out their share.

They're now not talking to me though and have refused to see me over Christmas etc. until I 'acknowledge what I've done'. I don't see that I've done anything wrong, I've just pushed for my legal inheritance, and sibling cut contact first. So AIBU?

What? I think you mean narcissism/ sociopathy? Although that's a type of neurodivergence of course but it isn't what you mean is it? Because this is the opposite of what an autistic person would do.

Keeping it in the family? So you'll share the profits with them? I bet you fucking don't.....

#Teamsister all the way. You are being horribly greedy, OP, that I don’t blame your sibling for cutting you off. Regardless of the law, you had an agreement with your sister. Now you want to just pretend it was never said while taking all of your DF’s estate too. Really shady behaviour.

Well I would be more inclined to if sibling would be communicative...but they seem to not want a relationship anymore.

Whilst legal advice will say you have a right to a claim, what it doesn’t say is that you HAVE to make that claim. You could decide to not accept your share based on your previous agreement, should you so choose. You are of course well within your rights to claim under intestacy rules, however the consequences of this (e.g. your sibling no longer speaking to you) are unavoidable. It is a natural consequence to your action and therefore something you will have to live with.

I would imagine from their perspective, your continued dismissal of their abuse was already incredibly difficult to deal with, and this is the icing on the cake. Just because you have a positive relationship with your father does not mean they did, I’m sure some people could tell you lovely stories of when they met Jimmy Saville and how he was a stand up guy - does that mean his abuse wasn’t real too?

Honestly OP, you’re learning the meaning of the phrase “fuck around and find out” and you’re currently in the “find out” stage.

I hope a bit of extra cash is worth the loss of a sibling!

And I bet that suits you down to the ground....

So you want them to suck up to you for cash then?

Doing the right thing shouldn't require other people to lick your boots.

you can say cunt here

Greedy greedy greedy, sure glad you are not my sibling. Can’t trust you, you sadly lack any degree of fairness. Hope your cash brings you happiness, will never make up for a damaged relationship with family.

I never said I wanted sibling to 'suck up to me'. We had a good relationship before DM died. It is unreasonable for sibling to stop communicating, what I'm questioning is why they want an apology as well, when all that's happened is we're splitting DM's estate fairly. DF's estate is nothing to do with it really, and I shouldn't have entertained sibling when they first brought it up last year.

They'll likely lose more than a sibling. I couldn't remain friends with someone who would behave like this, and if a family member did, I would distance myself.

Although I'm starting to think reverse, too. Each reply gets more toxic and abhorrent, even a sociopath learns to mask their true thoughts/feelings in public.

By all means follow the 'law' but you are treating your sister like shit by

a) gaslighting her over her childhood abuse and trauma
b) going back on your verbal agreement

Enjoy your money - hope you can sleep at night

I think they maybe don't want a relationship with you because you are really, really horrible. Just a thought. 🤷‍♀️

I can’t say what I think of you as it would be a personal attack and get me banned from mumsnet.

Just wow though. Wow.

This is so horribly unreasonable of you that I assumed it must be a reverse.

My god you have as much emotional intelligence as a sponge!

I'm gobsmacked you think she's being unreasonable.
All the best to your sister!

You must really hate your sibling to do this to them.
And also not give a flying fuck about your mothers wishes.
Really bad form.

you have miss read comfortfoodcafe

the DAD is pleasant now having been abusive
the op is shockingly dismissive of their siblings abuse
YOUR SISTER WAS ABUSED! ! Just take a minute to take that seriously and why should she be punished for speaking out against her abuser by withdrawal of inheritance !

You want her to help out her abuser?

The will not being valid doesn't mean you should swoop in and take your half when you know you have a full estate of similar worth on the way, unless you're planning on giving half of Dad's estate to Dsis, which I HIGHLY doubt, seeing as you're being so grabby.

And putting pressure on DSis to let you buy her share of the house so you can flip it for profit!

Cheeky, CHEEKY fucker!!!

Well I help out with him. Our other relatives do too. We all had to deal with his difficult behaviour, but sibling has chosen to cut herself off.

You are a greedy, grasping hypocrite. You had an agreement, your mother told you her express wishes and then because your mum didn't validate the will, you are off seeking your cut.
If I were your sister, I would not talk to you again. And then you come on to MN to validate your shitty behaviour.

Just cause its legal doesnt make it right. Shame on you OP

The apple hasn't fallen far from the tree imo.

With every update you sound like an even bigger prick.

I hope you get fuck all from your abusive father.