Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send daughter to bed with no dinner?

213 replies

soIsaidso · 09/12/2025 16:41

Dd8 has just come out of school and hit her sister really hard, I have come home and sent her straight to her room.
Usually she would not cooperate with that and refuse or come back down and kick off but after dragging her upstairs she has actually stayed up there.
AIBU to actually leave her up there now and not let her come back down, send her straight to bed with no dinner?
This is the only time she’s ever succumbed to any consequence and it seems counteracting to send her to her room and actually have her stay there and then call her back down for dinner.
She has eaten today.

OP posts:
Poms · 09/12/2025 16:43

Withholding food should never be used as a form of discipline. It is child abuse.

AutumnClouds · 09/12/2025 16:44

If you’re serious - no obviously you should feed your 8 year old an evening meal. And if she has stayed in her room when asked then don’t punish her for doing so by imposing a further punishment!?

OttersMayHaveShifted · 09/12/2025 16:44

No you should obviously not deprive your child of a meal.

murasaki · 09/12/2025 16:44

You can't do that. And dragging seems extreme.

Clefable · 09/12/2025 16:44

I don’t think withholding food is ever a desirable punishment. Is there not something else you can remove/limit access to?

That said, she’s gone to her room and stayed there as asked so I would be wondering if there needs to be additional layers of punishment or if you can just have a talk about it, she apologises to her sister and you all move on.

Original poster
soIsaidso · 09/12/2025 16:44

She has ADHD and ODD and every day is a battle and every day I set consequences for shouting at me hitting and screaming and she resists but I will not tolerate her hurting her sister.

OP posts:
FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 09/12/2025 16:45

Send her up for 10 minutes to cool down, not for the entire evening because you can’t be arsed to patent here.

vodkaredbullgirl · 09/12/2025 16:45

Punishing your DD twice, sending her to her room is enough.

BreadInCaptivity · 09/12/2025 16:45

I wouldn’t withhold food and leave her hungry. I’d take a sandwich and yoghurt type meal to her room to eat there as a one off. But yes, she should stay in the room.

Keroppi · 09/12/2025 16:45

No, go up and have a chat with her and give her a chance to come and eat dinner together as a family w her sister and redeem herself/her behaviour and make better choices. Leaves the day on a nice note if she chooses to be better

Poms · 09/12/2025 16:45

Just to add, if a child came into my school and told us that they had been denied food like this our safeguarding lead would make a report to social services.

honeybeetheoneandonly · 09/12/2025 16:46

She's 8. She misbehaved. She had a consequence and probably mulled it over in her own way. I would absolutely call her down for dinner. Ask her whether she's apologised to her sibling and then draw a line under the episode.

GrillaMilla · 09/12/2025 16:46

I wouldn't deliberately let her go without food, no matter what she's done. That's cruel. She needs to eat.

bignewprinz · 09/12/2025 16:47

You could kill someone, go to the police cells and get given your evening meal. So your punishment seems OTT.

Original poster
soIsaidso · 09/12/2025 16:47

I just want her to know I mean it because she never does as she’s told.

OP posts:
BreadInCaptivity · 09/12/2025 16:48

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 09/12/2025 16:45

Send her up for 10 minutes to cool down, not for the entire evening because you can’t be arsed to patent here.

I this she is being parented by demonstrating she can’t hit her sister and being sent to her room.

I wouldn’t consider a 10 min cool off sufficient. This was not a minor issue.

Original poster
soIsaidso · 09/12/2025 16:48

Maybe she can eat it in her room then or have it later. She’s never stayed up there before.

OP posts:
Livelovelaughfuckoff · 09/12/2025 16:48

No you feed your child. Honestly what’s wrong with you?!

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 09/12/2025 16:48

I think it’s abusive to drag a child and then not feed her.

I can understand that her behaviour may be difficult to manage but if she has those diagnoses then she needs support, not punishment.

Have you been able to access any support for her diagnoses? Are school supportive at all?

it may also be worth looking at support for yourself - do you have a partner or family that can give you a break.

Original poster
soIsaidso · 09/12/2025 16:48

soIsaidso · 09/12/2025 16:48

Maybe she can eat it in her room then or have it later. She’s never stayed up there before.

I mean it’s ready so I don’t want to call her straight down.

OP posts:
Irememberwhenitwasallfieldsroundhere · 09/12/2025 16:49

No of course you shouldn't, it's mean and unkind. Model the behaviour you want to see.

CatsMagic · 09/12/2025 16:49

Poms · 09/12/2025 16:43

Withholding food should never be used as a form of discipline. It is child abuse.

Absolutely this.

I don’t think kids should be sent to their rooms as “punishment” either, but do leave her be and let her calm down for a while, then have a conversation with her - why did she hit her sister and talk to her about why you shouldn’t hit people, then explain any consequences which will happen , (needs to be immediate and appropriate) then crack on with dinner

LifeOfAShowgirl13 · 09/12/2025 16:49

soIsaidso · 09/12/2025 16:47

I just want her to know I mean it because she never does as she’s told.

So now she’s being punished further for going to her room as told? If you withold her dinner don’t you think that next time she will refuse to go to her room as she’s learned that she won’t get dinner? Poor girl.

Iocanepowder · 09/12/2025 16:49

I get it op, my DS used to hit me all the time when he had a hearing issue, but it never entered my mind not to feed him.

Also consider that her being hungry is more likely to result in poor sleep tonight. So it won’t really solve anything anyway.

TomatoSandwiches · 09/12/2025 16:50

So you want people to agree to you abusing your disabled 8yr old?

You obviously do not use food as a punishment, have her down for dinner like you usually do.

You need to ask for some more support because you are struggling to parent her properly and keep some advice on how to approach and handle transitions and trigger moments for her.