To send daughter to bed with no dinner?

[soIsaidso]

Dd8 has just come out of school and hit her sister really hard, I have come home and sent her straight to her room.
Usually she would not cooperate with that and refuse or come back down and kick off but after dragging her upstairs she has actually stayed up there.
AIBU to actually leave her up there now and not let her come back down, send her straight to bed with no dinner?
This is the only time she’s ever succumbed to any consequence and it seems counteracting to send her to her room and actually have her stay there and then call her back down for dinner.
She has eaten today.

First you dragged her up the stairs now you want her to go without dinner? 😬

I’m trying to show my other daughter that I am doing something about her being hit.

The only issue I have with how my parents raised me relate to food. It's never acceptable to withhold or insist food is eaten.

But you’ve already done that . No need to keep on punishing.

But you don't do that by abusing your older child 😕

They rarely protect children, in fact they can be a huge annoyance to children's services by making numerous petty referrals which are never going to meet the child in need threshold even if proven correct.

The social are then forced to divert limited resources away from severe cases in order to chase up families because their child has come into school with a dirty sweatshirt for the third time in a week.

This. Never do this.

No, you can't use food as punishment OP.

I also would go up to check on her as well and have a chat.

You’ve abused your child. Dragging her upstairs and making her go without food is a disgrace.

Absolutely fucking not. What are you thinking?

She’s down now anyway, she came down of her own accord and she’s back to shouting at her sister again.

Well get off here and get parenting

I can understand being at your wits end with this op but I agree with pp it's not an appropriate punishment and meeting children's basic needs should never be weaponised and turned into consequence.

I would find an alternative such as zero tech for poor behaviour.

What support have you received to help manage her behaviour in light of her diagnosis?

I'd go up and say well done for going to your room when asked. What happened when you got out at sister? How do you think that made sister feel? How do you think you can make that better so you and sister can have a better relationship? Yes saying sorry is a great start, how could you handle the situation differently next time so you don't hurt anyone and you don't get in bother?

You're not just going in and telling her to apologise, you're helping her to build empathy and accountability and doing it in a supportive way. You're also not making it confrontational by forcing an apology you're helping her to want to do it by staying neutral.

OP does she have a favourite toy or does she have a tablet that you can restrict her access to when she behaves like this. She should be apologising to her sister and she should be facing consequences for her actions. The trick is finding something that means something to her and restricting access to it not food obviously.

Aye right, sure she is

Even the worst prisoners get fed. I might be ok with no dessert for bad behaviour but everyone needs to eat.

If she will melt down at being asked to apologise can you give her an alternative and use different wording? So speak to her and then say, "why dont you do XX (give a hug or something else that would be a nice gesture but that she would be likely to do) to make it up with your sister?"

It doesn’t matter if she is difficult or has underlying medical conditions. She needs to be fed, it’s her basic human right!

Firstly, absolutely feed the child.

However, I want to ask what about the cold staying in their room this time makes you think she has learned hitting her sister is wrong? How does leaving her there teach her to be gentle in the future?

Could you go up and ask if she understands why she has been sent to get room? If she has and can apologise, I’d let her come down for dinner. If not, I’d serve everyone else and then I would eat with her in her room and try to have a conversation about what happened.

Bad idea to weaponise food,being sent to bed with no supper is from a bygone era.

At the very least the report will be on record if problemsescalate. Social services often contact a child's school to see if there have ever been any concerns.

She gets basic food, toast, yoghurt, and fruit. And she apologises to her sister.

You need to develop some proper strategies and methods to teach your young neurodivergent daughter how to manage her emotions. I cannot see how dragging her upstairs and depriving her of food does this, and you sound like you haven’t done much research or have much professional guidance - sorry if you have, but I’ve been there and the way you’re talking doesn’t sound like you are understanding how much help children with ADHD need to learn to manage their reactions and emotions. Obviously it’s wrong to hit her sister and there need to be consequences, but they need to be proportionate. I suggest you get a few books to help develop some strategies, this is a good start:

I think I wojld take her up a plain cheese sandwich and a glass of water but make her stay in her room, without access to a tv, iPad, laptop, or any electronic entertainment.

So rather than reward her for doing what you wanted - her staying in the room. You continue to escalate the punishment?
No wonder the poor kid doesn’t do as she’s told! Have you ever stopped to consider you may be the problem here?