Page 8 | To send daughter to bed with no dinner?

RinsedCrispies · 09/12/2025 18:34

Wow some of the replies are so nasty.

It’s obvious that posters have seen that the general view is against OP (fair enough, I agree the DD should have her dinner)… but people then just started being horrible for the sake of it, knowing there would be little pushback. Have a word with yourselves, you know exactly what you’re doing.

To OP:

Withholding dinner won’t teach her a lesson, that’s what sending her to her room was for. If you cuddle and make up now that she’s calm, it’s more likely to have a positive impact.

historyismything82 · 09/12/2025 18:34

snoopythebeagle · 09/12/2025 18:25

Really? So you think it's okay for a grown adult to grab an 8yo by the arm and drag her upstairs, then not give her any dinner?

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Well, it's certainly not ideal but she's human. How do you know what she's had to deal with? No one likes the idea of grabbing their child and marching them upstairs as punishment for hitting their sibling. But we are not perfect. Not even you I'm afraid. As I've replied to another poster, why don't you respond with some form of constructive advice for a woman that is clearly at the end of her tether with her situation? It would be more helpful to her cause than villainizing her.

Donttellempike · 09/12/2025 18:35

soIsaidso · 09/12/2025 16:41

Dd8 has just come out of school and hit her sister really hard, I have come home and sent her straight to her room.
Usually she would not cooperate with that and refuse or come back down and kick off but after dragging her upstairs she has actually stayed up there.
AIBU to actually leave her up there now and not let her come back down, send her straight to bed with no dinner?
This is the only time she’s ever succumbed to any consequence and it seems counteracting to send her to her room and actually have her stay there and then call her back down for dinner.
She has eaten today.

She’s 8. And you’re dragging her around. And now want to deprive her of food. ???

Donttellempike · 09/12/2025 18:36

historyismything82 · 09/12/2025 18:34

Well, it's certainly not ideal but she's human. How do you know what she's had to deal with? No one likes the idea of grabbing their child and marching them upstairs as punishment for hitting their sibling. But we are not perfect. Not even you I'm afraid. As I've replied to another poster, why don't you respond with some form of constructive advice for a woman that is clearly at the end of her tether with her situation? It would be more helpful to her cause than villainizing her.

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Punish violence with violence. 👍 and then withhold a meal.

Newmumatlast · 09/12/2025 18:36

soIsaidso · 09/12/2025 16:44

She has ADHD and ODD and every day is a battle and every day I set consequences for shouting at me hitting and screaming and she resists but I will not tolerate her hurting her sister.

I was going to respond no dont deny her food but even more so now. What she needs is a parent teaching her coping skills and how to communicate her needs for time out... no doubt she has stayed in her room as she has benefited from the quiet to overcome overwhelm. Yes obviously hitting is unacceptable and needs a consequence but I do think that consequence has gone on for long enough after about 30min at her age, and then there needs to be a conversation about what triggered and how to prevent in future to learn from it. Punishment is pointless without helping to effect change

Julia001 · 09/12/2025 18:37

Poms · 09/12/2025 16:43

Withholding food should never be used as a form of discipline. It is child abuse.

My late
mother used to do this - amongst a lot of other abusive stuff , please don’t do this , she will quite rightly hate you forever !

historyismything82 · 09/12/2025 18:38

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WhamBamThankU · 09/12/2025 18:39

Sounds like you’re not being a good parent to her at the moment. You don’t seem to understand her issues or want to learn how to help her. Please seek help for your own issues, as withholding food is absolutely inappropriate as a form of punishment.

RinsedCrispies · 09/12/2025 18:39

Donttellempike · 09/12/2025 18:36

Punish violence with violence. 👍 and then withhold a meal.

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Perhaps you could go along to OP’s house and babysits for a while? Or maybe try giving constructive criticism that actually helps OP and her child?

Doteycat · 09/12/2025 18:40

Being at the end of your tether is no excuse for putting your hands on an 8 year old who is clearly already distressed.
If I had any words of advise or help for the OP it would not be ah no sure feed her.
It would be OP you are clearly not coping, get help before you do something you may regret, if you have not already, at 8, she wont forget that you dragged her to her room. I would advise you apologise to her and get some parenting help and support.
I will never ever while there is breath in my body say putting your hands on a child is excusable. Its indefensible.
I know, because i lived it.

Motherofalittledragon · 09/12/2025 18:40

WTF No!

caringcarer · 09/12/2025 18:41

If you want her to remain in her room tonight take her up a sandwich and fruit. Have a chat about how disappointed you are. Tell her she starts with a clean slate in the morning.

Luckyingame · 09/12/2025 18:41

Poms · 09/12/2025 16:43

Withholding food should never be used as a form of discipline. It is child abuse.

This, really.
Nothing else to add.
🙄

Doteycat · 09/12/2025 18:43

Luckyingame · 09/12/2025 18:41

This, really.
Nothing else to add.
🙄

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Well said.
and the people defending and minimising it need therapy.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 09/12/2025 18:43

TempNameForObviousReasons · 09/12/2025 16:53

'Safeguarding Lead' aka nosey buggers. Honestly when did this job title pop up why can't schools just stick with teaching and keep out of people's private lives?

By the way, social services wouldn't be any remotely interested in a silly referral like this. Especially if the parent just denies it and laughs it off.
There are kids out there starving every single day, families at food banks all the time and some kids are sent to school with soggy jam sandwich and a packet of crisps to last the whole day. They just don't care about this sort of thing.
If a child is otherwise well nourished and the family is not on their radar for any other issues then this will be a 'closed' case.

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Are u actually joking? Safeguarding leads are imperative in schools.You dont sound very knowledgeable.

illsendansostotheworld · 09/12/2025 18:44

Poms · 09/12/2025 16:45

Just to add, if a child came into my school and told us that they had been denied food like this our safeguarding lead would make a report to social services.

I would 100% be reporting this if l had heard about it too.

snoopythebeagle · 09/12/2025 18:44

historyismything82 · 09/12/2025 18:34

Well, it's certainly not ideal but she's human. How do you know what she's had to deal with? No one likes the idea of grabbing their child and marching them upstairs as punishment for hitting their sibling. But we are not perfect. Not even you I'm afraid. As I've replied to another poster, why don't you respond with some form of constructive advice for a woman that is clearly at the end of her tether with her situation? It would be more helpful to her cause than villainizing her.

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It doesn't matter what she's "had to deal with" - she's the adult, she should be capable of controlling her temper!

My advice would be for OP not to grab and drag her child around in a rage - and to get herself some anger management if she genuinely can't control herself.

Donttellempike · 09/12/2025 18:45

RinsedCrispies · 09/12/2025 18:39

Perhaps you could go along to OP’s house and babysits for a while? Or maybe try giving constructive criticism that actually helps OP and her child?

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Or I’ll just post what I want. As you are not my editor.

historyismything82 · 09/12/2025 18:47

There's some hysterical wankery on here. Good luck OP. Over and out.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 09/12/2025 18:47

Keroppi · 09/12/2025 16:45

No, go up and have a chat with her and give her a chance to come and eat dinner together as a family w her sister and redeem herself/her behaviour and make better choices. Leaves the day on a nice note if she chooses to be better

This is the only reply you need. It's appalling to deprive a child of food as a punishment.

snoopythebeagle · 09/12/2025 18:48

historyismything82 · 09/12/2025 18:47

There's some hysterical wankery on here. Good luck OP. Over and out.

Nobody is being hysterical.

You, on the other hand, are doing some very concerning minimising around OP's behaviour towards her 8yo child.

Catwalking · 09/12/2025 18:48

I used to ask mine to do the same nasty thing(smack punch kick etc) to themselves. They soon learnt to say that for themselves & to other children… & then stopped violence towards 1 another altogether. Tho I did start when they were a bit younger, maybe worth a try?
Also maybe ask what little sis must have felt like & would they want to be nice back afterwards….in the end surely it’s better to talk about disagreements than go into all out war …forever?

Okiedokie123 · 09/12/2025 18:49

Maybe she’s choosing to hide out in her room because it’s a safe space where you can’t “drag her” again.
Ok she hit her sister but dragging her, shouting? Banishing her to her room for hours with no food is way OTT. And hypocritical of you. Two wrongs don’t might it right.
I think you need to address your own behaviour as well as thinking about hers.

Tay2k94 · 09/12/2025 18:49

soIsaidso · 09/12/2025 16:41

Dd8 has just come out of school and hit her sister really hard, I have come home and sent her straight to her room.
Usually she would not cooperate with that and refuse or come back down and kick off but after dragging her upstairs she has actually stayed up there.
AIBU to actually leave her up there now and not let her come back down, send her straight to bed with no dinner?
This is the only time she’s ever succumbed to any consequence and it seems counteracting to send her to her room and actually have her stay there and then call her back down for dinner.
She has eaten today.

Don't send her to bed without Dinner: That's Child Abuse‼️ use a more humane punishment, such as No Tv for 3 or 4 Days.

Nosleepforthismum · 09/12/2025 18:50

Doteycat · 09/12/2025 18:26

Dragging a child to her room physically, and then withholding food IS ABUSE.
Or do we wait until its done 100 times before we give a shit?
Abuse is abuse.
And this is abuse.

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I think you are conflating actual abusive situations to this scenario. I’ve read “dragging” as OP forcefully taking DD by the hand or arm and marching them to the bedroom with minimal resistance. I had to drag my 4 year old across the road this morning as he dropped a raisin on the middle of the crossing and stopped to cry. I’ve had to drag my 2 year old away from play equipment/plug sockets many times. I don’t think the OP meant she dragged her up the stairs by her hair and threw her in the bedroom.

Withholding food for a couple of hours on the odd occasion also isn’t abusive, especially if the DD was likely to re escalate coming back downstairs too quickly.