Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not give SIL her engagement ring back?

469 replies

NameChangerAlaina · 09/12/2025 14:28

DB proposed to SIL with an heirloom ring that has been in the family (in one form or another) for generations; they are now married.

A few years ago, DB and SIL separated due to her family and money; basically DB got to the point where he was refusing to “lend” them anymore and SIL was furious. The final straw was when SIL sold the engagement ring to a pawn shop, gave the money to her family and told DB that if he wanted the ring he’d have to go and buy it back; it was basically a workaround to force him into (indirectly) giving her family the money. SIL was 100% sure DB would get the ring back as obviously it’s a family ring however DB point blank refused “on principle” and instead walked out.

DB told me the whole story as he moved in with me and with his blessing, I went and bought the ring in order to keep it in the family. Now just to be crystal clear for the avoidance of any doubt as it’s MN where some people like to cancel the cheque; SIL SOLD the ring to the shop and I BOUGHT IT from them (for an extremely inflated price I might add as I had to explain the situation). I have the receipt and record of the card transaction so the ring is now legally mine.

Fast forward to now and despite reconciling 2 years ago (they were separated for a year) it seems it’s only just come up in conversation between the two of them that I now have the ring. Now that SIL knows, she’s been hounding me nonstop to give her the ring as it “means the world” to her, my grandad wanted DB’s wife to have it, she regrets what she did, it’s so sentimental to her yada yada yada. When I told her how much I paid for it she basically told me it was my own fault for “paying over the odds” and offered me £100 (which is really cheeky considering she sold it for 4k never mind what I paid).

Now as far as I’m concerned, if I hadn’t paid over the odds, the ring would have gone to someone else so she’d be without it anyway and my grandad most certainly would not have wanted her to have it if he’d have known she’d sell it (he wanted it to stay in the family). I also don’t really care about how much it means to her as quite frankly it can’t mean all that much if she sold it.

DB is very much of the opinion that it’s now my ring (was originally willed to him) and I should keep it since he knows it has sentimental value to me and others in the family; he also made an offhand comment that he wouldn’t put it past her to sell it again as they’re “not as solid” as he’d like due to her family.

Now considering DB supports my decision and it was originally his ring, would I be unreasonable to keep it? My plan is to leave it to DB’s DD from a previous relationship thereby keeping it in his family anyway.

OP posts:
weusedtobeapropercountry · 14/12/2025 14:06

Tryingatleast · 11/12/2025 14:08

Depends- 2 sides to every story, she sold it when they were having trouble, and now they’re back together so it has symbolism again.

And the next time they're "having trouble"? 🙄

weusedtobeapropercountry · 14/12/2025 14:08

Cherrytree86 · 11/12/2025 15:20

I think just to keep the peace, you should just give it to her OP. Be kind.

Halloween Clown GIF by TLC

Queen, you dropped your crown.

weusedtobeapropercountry · 14/12/2025 14:10

PyongyangKipperbang · 11/12/2025 23:02

Moron more like!

Not mutually exclusive.

weusedtobeapropercountry · 14/12/2025 14:13

NameChangerAlaina · 13/12/2025 13:43

Thanks all, I’ve read each and every comment and I really do appreciate everyone’s advice but this thread is now redundant; SIL made a throw away comment in frustration (it’s true what they say about speaking in haste) and after not letting it drop, it turns out the whole situation is far more insidious than I thought.

Long story short, my DB is set to inherit significantly from me in the not too distant future due to my illness and it seems SIL (although she’s trying to say we misunderstood) has had her eye on the prize all along hence her eagerness to work on the marriage, go to therapy etc. Knowing that this woman who I once cared for and considered family has been biding her time till I kick the bucket is extremely disconcerting to say the least. I know this is probably going to sound ridiculous but I honestly feel quite shaken by it.

Anyway the upshot is DB will be contacting solicitors in the new year, I will be removing him from my will at his request (so she can drag out the divorce as long as she likes but she won’t get a bean from me) and I will hopefully never have to see her again. I am really sad about DSNephew though as by the time he’s old enough to decide things for himself I’ll be gone but c’est la vie.

It’s funny but trying to keep the peace by engaging with SIL, rather than shutting her down, gave her enough rope to hang herself with so it all worked out in the end.

Anyway I’m sure you’ll all be pleased to know what I’ll be enjoying a SIL free Christmas and will be wearing my grandmother’s ring with pride.

Can you not leave something for DNs in trust or something, so they can have that when they reach adulthood? ♥

Balloonhearts · 14/12/2025 14:35

Tell her to get to fuck 😂

NormasArse · 14/12/2025 14:41

Fuck off, would be my response.

Cheeky sod.

SALaw · 14/12/2025 14:45

Why is this even a question?

mummytrex · 14/12/2025 14:55

Aghast re your update OP! Sorry this has happened but at least you all know where you stand. You and your brother sound very sensible. I hope you have a lovely Christmas.

Saltedtoffee · 14/12/2025 22:04

I can't believe she thinks she should have it. I always try and see the other person pov. In this case there is only one.She had 4k for it she sold it.

OrangeITellYou · 14/12/2025 23:17

You sound such a lovely person OP, and so does your brother. I hope the solicitor comes up with a workaround for your money to keep it safe and still pass it on to your brother. Bit sorry that you are in this situation to have to do so

Mothership4two · 15/12/2025 03:36

@SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess

Doesn't add up in my mind why you bought the ring in the first place. A tad jealous or maybe a control gesture.

Or to keep an heirloom in the family? Just as OP indicates and what is the most obvious answer. As DB and SIL were separated at that point (and DB was living with OP), not sure what she would have been jealous of or who/what she was trying to control? DB was in agreement that she rebuy the ring.

WearyAuldWumman · 15/12/2025 11:59

Mothership4two · 15/12/2025 03:36

@SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess

Doesn't add up in my mind why you bought the ring in the first place. A tad jealous or maybe a control gesture.

Or to keep an heirloom in the family? Just as OP indicates and what is the most obvious answer. As DB and SIL were separated at that point (and DB was living with OP), not sure what she would have been jealous of or who/what she was trying to control? DB was in agreement that she rebuy the ring.

Agreed. I cannot understand how this could possibly be perceived as 'a control gesture' - and 'jealous'? That's an incredible accusation to make.

Labelledelune · 15/12/2025 13:06

CombatBarbie · 09/12/2025 14:34

Tell her to get to fuck......

Exactly this.

Insecurepapa · 15/12/2025 16:27

By selling it SIL relinquished possession and rights. legally, it's your ring, now, and your brother has given you his blessing. So keep it. End of!
And well done you.

Nearly50omg · 15/12/2025 18:41

Once your brother is legally separated then what he inherits after that his wife can’t claim legally. You can specify in your will that you don’t want this woman to have a penny of your money and leave the money in trust for you bro or something? A good lawyer can sort this out

TheHillIsMine · 15/12/2025 18:47

If you give her the ring she'll be laughing at you. Thank goodness your brother is a decent man. Even if he has got back with the scheming cow.

earlgreyismyjam · 15/12/2025 18:55

Get it made into a necklace!

TheHillIsMine · 15/12/2025 20:09

I am so sorry I didn't see all your posts before I posted. I am even more sorry that your soon to be ex SIL has turned out to be such a snake in the grass. You sound an incredible sister and your brother is very lucky to have your support. I'm sorry it's all turned out this way. Her comment must have been heartbreaking.

Skybluepinky · 16/12/2025 16:22

Just tell her no, it’s no longer hers, she gave up the rights to it when she sold it.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page