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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not give SIL her engagement ring back?

469 replies

NameChangerAlaina · 09/12/2025 14:28

DB proposed to SIL with an heirloom ring that has been in the family (in one form or another) for generations; they are now married.

A few years ago, DB and SIL separated due to her family and money; basically DB got to the point where he was refusing to “lend” them anymore and SIL was furious. The final straw was when SIL sold the engagement ring to a pawn shop, gave the money to her family and told DB that if he wanted the ring he’d have to go and buy it back; it was basically a workaround to force him into (indirectly) giving her family the money. SIL was 100% sure DB would get the ring back as obviously it’s a family ring however DB point blank refused “on principle” and instead walked out.

DB told me the whole story as he moved in with me and with his blessing, I went and bought the ring in order to keep it in the family. Now just to be crystal clear for the avoidance of any doubt as it’s MN where some people like to cancel the cheque; SIL SOLD the ring to the shop and I BOUGHT IT from them (for an extremely inflated price I might add as I had to explain the situation). I have the receipt and record of the card transaction so the ring is now legally mine.

Fast forward to now and despite reconciling 2 years ago (they were separated for a year) it seems it’s only just come up in conversation between the two of them that I now have the ring. Now that SIL knows, she’s been hounding me nonstop to give her the ring as it “means the world” to her, my grandad wanted DB’s wife to have it, she regrets what she did, it’s so sentimental to her yada yada yada. When I told her how much I paid for it she basically told me it was my own fault for “paying over the odds” and offered me £100 (which is really cheeky considering she sold it for 4k never mind what I paid).

Now as far as I’m concerned, if I hadn’t paid over the odds, the ring would have gone to someone else so she’d be without it anyway and my grandad most certainly would not have wanted her to have it if he’d have known she’d sell it (he wanted it to stay in the family). I also don’t really care about how much it means to her as quite frankly it can’t mean all that much if she sold it.

DB is very much of the opinion that it’s now my ring (was originally willed to him) and I should keep it since he knows it has sentimental value to me and others in the family; he also made an offhand comment that he wouldn’t put it past her to sell it again as they’re “not as solid” as he’d like due to her family.

Now considering DB supports my decision and it was originally his ring, would I be unreasonable to keep it? My plan is to leave it to DB’s DD from a previous relationship thereby keeping it in his family anyway.

OP posts:
FluffyRabbitGal · 11/12/2025 14:49

It’s your ring! Her feelings are moot, she lost all say when she sold the ring. Depending on how much you like stirring the pot, I’d tell her she could buy it back for £100k, as the sentimental value to you is just so high, but that’s just me!

GreyBeeplus3 · 11/12/2025 14:51

Just wanted to say it sounds/seems to me that your SIL isn't a particularly nice person and although your brother fell in love with her, he's aware of how she can really be, henceforth the ring scenario you've got now.
If I was his mumma I might just have said something by now about how there's plenty more fish out there; she's obviously very grabby/greedy with family to match, you don't totally trust her and I'm willing to bet she latched onto your brother assuming he'd be the soft landing she'd searched for
with the extra padding of pregnancy if need be.
So tell him to get a prenup and to mind how he places his favours.

JudgeJ · 11/12/2025 14:55

Tryingatleast · 11/12/2025 14:08

Depends- 2 sides to every story, she sold it when they were having trouble, and now they’re back together so it has symbolism again.

Rubbish, she sold it when the OP's brother refused to bankroll her feckless family and she expected him to buy it back. Luckily that backfired and the OP was able to purchase it, it is now in the OP's possession. No doubt were she to get the ring back it would find its way back into another pawnbroker when she wanted money. I doubt that the ring has any genuine symbolism for her or she wouldn't have sold it so easily, she wasn't buying herself a new kidney!

JudgeJ · 11/12/2025 15:00

APatternGrammar · 10/12/2025 15:45

Keep it. Your brother could give her a new ring for Christmas to symbolise their new beginnings (I personally wouldn’t, but presumably he’s still with her for a reason.)I

If he wants to symbolise their new beginnings there are suitable ones in the penny arcade machines, plastic and flashy, doubt they'll last too.

Cherrytree86 · 11/12/2025 15:20

I think just to keep the peace, you should just give it to her OP. Be kind.

MeridianB · 11/12/2025 15:30

Cherrytree86 · 11/12/2025 15:20

I think just to keep the peace, you should just give it to her OP. Be kind.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaa

Your SIL found the thread, @NameChangerAlaina

Be kind 😆

RedFlagsAllOver · 11/12/2025 15:45

Definitely your ring.
Similar happened in my family. Uncle sold my dad a watch.
20 years later dad passes away then Uncle tried to get "his" watch back. Then his daughter sent me a message saying how dare me and my brother sell "her" dad's watch.
We didn't actually my dad did 9 months before he passed away.

FallingDownARabbitHole · 11/12/2025 16:28

Tryingatleast · 11/12/2025 14:08

Depends- 2 sides to every story, she sold it when they were having trouble, and now they’re back together so it has symbolism again.

She sold the ring as her DH wouldn’t give her the money to give to her family. She was vindictive and manipulative selling the ring as she thought her DH would use his savings for his DD to buy it back.

The op states this is when they split up, due to her selling the ring. If the ring really meant anything to her she would never have sold it to give the money to her family.

DeadMemories · 11/12/2025 16:33

Cherrytree86 · 11/12/2025 15:20

I think just to keep the peace, you should just give it to her OP. Be kind.

would you just hand over £4k++ to someone just to "be kind"?

give your head a wobble, she sold the ring so obviously it didnt mean that much to the SIL.

Scottishskifun · 11/12/2025 16:49

Cherrytree86 · 11/12/2025 15:20

I think just to keep the peace, you should just give it to her OP. Be kind.

Why?!
The OP was more then lucky to even track it down. It shouldn't have been used as a bargaining chip to try and force her husband, nor should SIL get it back.

Maybe this is the biggest lesson for the SIL not to try and manipulate people!

MoonWoman69 · 11/12/2025 17:03

Cherrytree86 · 11/12/2025 15:20

I think just to keep the peace, you should just give it to her OP. Be kind.

Have you read the full thread or have you always been a walkover?!
No way has that woman any right or claim to that ring any longer. OPs brothers daughter has!

Aimtodobetter · 11/12/2025 18:21

Wow - if she didn't already sound awful, your SIL sounds even worse when you realise she was trying to do all this manipulation to take money saved by your brother for his daughter, and she deprived her own son of an important relationship with your brother when they were broken up. She sounds awful both as a step-mother and a mother.

BMW6 · 11/12/2025 20:01

Cherrytree86 · 11/12/2025 15:20

I think just to keep the peace, you should just give it to her OP. Be kind.

ODFOD

Thissideof40 · 11/12/2025 21:17

Definitely keep it. I can’t believe the audacity of her asking for it back after what she did. She would sell it again in a heartbeat I’m sure. And I’d hide it too incase she’s ever at your house and goes looking for it.

1HappyTraveller · 11/12/2025 21:23

Play stupid games win stupid prizes.

It’s not her ring - she sold it.
I agree with the PP who said to wear it in front of her.
She sounds like a f*ing nightmare.
Good on you!

Calendulaaria · 11/12/2025 21:24

DO NOT GIVE HER THAT RING. you are 100% correct

JudgeJ · 11/12/2025 22:32

Cherrytree86 · 11/12/2025 15:20

I think just to keep the peace, you should just give it to her OP. Be kind.

Be Kind = Be a mug, 95% of the time! Maybe OH should give the odious SIL her house keys, car keys, credit cards and PIN, be really really kind!

ILoveLaLaLand · 11/12/2025 22:37

JudgeJ · 11/12/2025 22:32

Be Kind = Be a mug, 95% of the time! Maybe OH should give the odious SIL her house keys, car keys, credit cards and PIN, be really really kind!

Couldn't agree more.
"Be kind" is used to control and manipulate women.

ILoveLaLaLand · 11/12/2025 22:39

Cherrytree86 · 11/12/2025 15:20

I think just to keep the peace, you should just give it to her OP. Be kind.

Troll

PyongyangKipperbang · 11/12/2025 23:02

ILoveLaLaLand · 11/12/2025 22:39

Troll

Moron more like!

ElsaMummy · 11/12/2025 23:10

Do not give the ring to this woman. No way. Ever.

staceyflack · 11/12/2025 23:16

💯 keep it. She can fuck right off. And you have your brothers blessing so it's not even awkward.

Francestein · 11/12/2025 23:54

You are the legal owner of the ring. If it truly “meant the world to her” she would reimburse whatever you paid for it or whatever you asked for it. She doesn’t love it that much. I think leaving the ring AND the safe to DN is a fabulous idea. I would also put glitter bombs anywhere you think SIL might go snooping on Christmas Day (bedside drawer?) and make sure you have security cameras so you can record the experience.

Nightone · 12/12/2025 06:47

Tryingatleast · 11/12/2025 14:08

Depends- 2 sides to every story, she sold it when they were having trouble, and now they’re back together so it has symbolism again.

Just no.

Thissideof40 · 12/12/2025 07:45

Cherrytree86 · 11/12/2025 15:20

I think just to keep the peace, you should just give it to her OP. Be kind.

What a ridiculous comment!