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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not give SIL her engagement ring back?

469 replies

NameChangerAlaina · 09/12/2025 14:28

DB proposed to SIL with an heirloom ring that has been in the family (in one form or another) for generations; they are now married.

A few years ago, DB and SIL separated due to her family and money; basically DB got to the point where he was refusing to “lend” them anymore and SIL was furious. The final straw was when SIL sold the engagement ring to a pawn shop, gave the money to her family and told DB that if he wanted the ring he’d have to go and buy it back; it was basically a workaround to force him into (indirectly) giving her family the money. SIL was 100% sure DB would get the ring back as obviously it’s a family ring however DB point blank refused “on principle” and instead walked out.

DB told me the whole story as he moved in with me and with his blessing, I went and bought the ring in order to keep it in the family. Now just to be crystal clear for the avoidance of any doubt as it’s MN where some people like to cancel the cheque; SIL SOLD the ring to the shop and I BOUGHT IT from them (for an extremely inflated price I might add as I had to explain the situation). I have the receipt and record of the card transaction so the ring is now legally mine.

Fast forward to now and despite reconciling 2 years ago (they were separated for a year) it seems it’s only just come up in conversation between the two of them that I now have the ring. Now that SIL knows, she’s been hounding me nonstop to give her the ring as it “means the world” to her, my grandad wanted DB’s wife to have it, she regrets what she did, it’s so sentimental to her yada yada yada. When I told her how much I paid for it she basically told me it was my own fault for “paying over the odds” and offered me £100 (which is really cheeky considering she sold it for 4k never mind what I paid).

Now as far as I’m concerned, if I hadn’t paid over the odds, the ring would have gone to someone else so she’d be without it anyway and my grandad most certainly would not have wanted her to have it if he’d have known she’d sell it (he wanted it to stay in the family). I also don’t really care about how much it means to her as quite frankly it can’t mean all that much if she sold it.

DB is very much of the opinion that it’s now my ring (was originally willed to him) and I should keep it since he knows it has sentimental value to me and others in the family; he also made an offhand comment that he wouldn’t put it past her to sell it again as they’re “not as solid” as he’d like due to her family.

Now considering DB supports my decision and it was originally his ring, would I be unreasonable to keep it? My plan is to leave it to DB’s DD from a previous relationship thereby keeping it in his family anyway.

OP posts:
IAmKerplunk · 12/12/2025 11:46

Might be controversial but I am of the opinion that family heirlooms should be kept within the blood family - too risky to give it someone where divorce is an option. You did right by buying it back and passing it to your niece when the time comes.

Symposium123 · 12/12/2025 17:53

YANBU. If she wants to refund you in full what you paid the pawn shop then perhaps consider it, but either way you’re under no obligation.

Uricon2 · 12/12/2025 18:03

I have my grandmother's wedding ring that she wore from 1918 for the rest of her life and it is my wedding ring now.

If I was starving to death and had sold absolutely everything else, I would consider selling (because she would want me to) it but under no other circumstances, it means that much.

That ring means zero to her OP and is yours now anyway as you got it back by paying for it. Make sure she can never get her paws on it again.

Copperoliverbear · 12/12/2025 23:46

1 million percent it’s yours do not give it to her at any price, it should have only been given to females directly in your own family in the first place.

Mothership4two · 13/12/2025 05:23

Agree with posters saying heirlooms should be passed down to blood relatives where possible. Although a non grabby in-law would likely pass it down to her DC and so it would stay in the family. This SIL obviously doesn't have a strong attachment to the ring and may sell it again in the future and next time OP may not be able to buy it back.

I know when MIL pops her clogs all her jewelry will pass to her DD and her three DIL won't see any of it.

MyTrivia · 13/12/2025 05:32

YANBU. Absolutely not. You’ve gone to a whole lot of trouble and are out of pocket because of her manipulative antics and now she wants you to give the ring to her so that she could in theory repeat the whole cycle, again? Nope.

Elektra1 · 13/12/2025 07:25

God what an entitled cow she is! Outrageous. I’d remind her of her scheming manipulative behaviour which led to it now being yours. It could have been someone other than you who’d bought it, and then she’d never have seen it again. She sounds awful.

WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 13/12/2025 09:22

Oh my god I know I don't know you from Adam but I'll be so mad if you let her have it back, but ESPECIALLY if you give it back or let her have it for a penny less than you bought it for!

She cared so much about it that she pawned it. She can fuck RIGHT off.

WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 13/12/2025 09:24

Given how she sounds, please seriously give some thought to how to keep it safe if he ever brings her over to visit yours. Seriously, please get a safe or keep it in a bank security vault or something (um, do they exist outside of movies?!)

MinnieMountain · 13/12/2025 10:02

At least read all of OP's posts @WeNeedToTalkAboutIT . She's got a secret safe that's mentioned in her will.

cauliflowercheeseplease · 13/12/2025 10:06

Wow. The absolute audacity of this woman. I’d just tell her if she mentions the ring again, you will block her as it now belongs to you with receipts provided. Tell her to get DB to buy her a new one she can sell when she doesnt get her own way again! X

Fleur405 · 13/12/2025 10:09

This is what I say to my 4 year old. “Mummy said no, you cannot have another biscuit, don’t ask me about it again”.

you might need to tweak it slightly but basically this

NameChangerAlaina · 13/12/2025 13:43

Thanks all, I’ve read each and every comment and I really do appreciate everyone’s advice but this thread is now redundant; SIL made a throw away comment in frustration (it’s true what they say about speaking in haste) and after not letting it drop, it turns out the whole situation is far more insidious than I thought.

Long story short, my DB is set to inherit significantly from me in the not too distant future due to my illness and it seems SIL (although she’s trying to say we misunderstood) has had her eye on the prize all along hence her eagerness to work on the marriage, go to therapy etc. Knowing that this woman who I once cared for and considered family has been biding her time till I kick the bucket is extremely disconcerting to say the least. I know this is probably going to sound ridiculous but I honestly feel quite shaken by it.

Anyway the upshot is DB will be contacting solicitors in the new year, I will be removing him from my will at his request (so she can drag out the divorce as long as she likes but she won’t get a bean from me) and I will hopefully never have to see her again. I am really sad about DSNephew though as by the time he’s old enough to decide things for himself I’ll be gone but c’est la vie.

It’s funny but trying to keep the peace by engaging with SIL, rather than shutting her down, gave her enough rope to hang herself with so it all worked out in the end.

Anyway I’m sure you’ll all be pleased to know what I’ll be enjoying a SIL free Christmas and will be wearing my grandmother’s ring with pride.

OP posts:
WearyAuldWumman · 13/12/2025 13:51

Oh good grief. I did not expect this.

I'm assuming that you're having to remove your brother from the will so that the SIL cannot try to make a claim on his inheritance? So terrible of the woman.

Thankfully this has come to light now, but I don't have the words to express how horrible it is that this woman has given you additional stress.

Sending you every good wish. I am in awe of you.

Thissideof40 · 13/12/2025 13:51

Wow glad you found out her intentions now. Not sure how you can misunderstand something like that but just shows how delusional she is. Sorry to hear you’re poorly. It’s satisfying to know she’ll get nothing.

SleafordSods · 13/12/2025 13:57

Oh Good Lord @NameChangerAlainawhat an absolute horror she is but you’re right, you have handled the whole situation so very well and now she’s shown everyone exactly who she is and how she operates.

I hope you enjoy your SIL free Christmas Flowers

Horses7 · 13/12/2025 14:05

You got a result - well done OP 🥰
Thinking of you and sending very best wishes too 🎄🎅

Nessiesfoodprovider · 13/12/2025 14:13

Oh @NameChangerAlaina that's an awful update. Thank goodness your DB discovered her true colours.
While writing your brother out, you could write his children in and have the money in trust until they are each 25 years old. Make your brother a trustee, and an old friend of yours, and one of his friends who you trust, the other trustees.
I hope fate gives you longer than you think you have left, you sound like a positive, good person, and we need those in the world.

MoonWoman69 · 13/12/2025 15:23

You have an amazing brother! I'm glad you've found out what the score is now and it's bloody awful. I can never get my head round people like your SIL, things like inheritance are the furthest from my mind.
Wishing you a beautiful, SIL free Christmas, sending very gentle hugs to you 🤗💝

Scottishskifun · 13/12/2025 16:06

Wow what a turn of events I'm not surprised your shaken OP it's down right devious and horrible.

I am glad that you and DB discovered the truth in order to change it.

randomusernam · 13/12/2025 16:10

She sounds like a terrible human and will try and make you feel bad but don’t. She sold it. DB probably never told her because he knew what she would be like

Isekaied · 13/12/2025 16:11

Wow she sounds nasty.

Glad ypu found out her true intentions.

AnotherForumUser · 13/12/2025 16:49

Oh OP. It's good that you discovered this in time but how horrible and gut churning to realise that this vile grasping arsewipe has basically played your brother and his family for her gain. When you adjust your will please make sure the solicitor knows about this situation. They should be able to advise the best way of ensuring this piece of scum has no claim on your estate. Your brother still accepted her back after her appalling behaviour over the ring and may well be manipulated in the future. And take no notice of any pompous bleating from the 'be kind' bunch that occasionally pop up on threads like this defending the indefensible (there was one earlier who clearly thought that the OP should give the ring to poor ickle wickle SIL rather than the niece).

Cailin66 · 13/12/2025 16:56

NameChangerAlaina · 11/12/2025 11:46

Thank you

I’ve read your latest post and it’s one of the saddest ones on here. You are an amazing woman and you’re doing your grandmother proud. What an amazing sister you are for your brother, the sooner he divorces the better for him, he made a big error in that choice, no doubt not his fault. He needs to make sure he doesn’t get her pregnant. Thank you for sharing your story, you are an inspiration. Make sure to enjoy the time you have left, and seek tax advice on how best to settle your affairs on your dear niece. Merry Christmas to you, you deserve it.

Calamitousness · 13/12/2025 17:15

I’m so sorry @NameChangerAlaina You deserve better, I’m so glad your DB is backing you wholeheartedly. I don’t blame you for feeling gutted by this revelation from her. She is a hideous being. Please have a lovely Xmas with your loved ones. Wishing you the very best.

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