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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give SIL her engagement ring back?

469 replies

NameChangerAlaina · 09/12/2025 14:28

DB proposed to SIL with an heirloom ring that has been in the family (in one form or another) for generations; they are now married.

A few years ago, DB and SIL separated due to her family and money; basically DB got to the point where he was refusing to “lend” them anymore and SIL was furious. The final straw was when SIL sold the engagement ring to a pawn shop, gave the money to her family and told DB that if he wanted the ring he’d have to go and buy it back; it was basically a workaround to force him into (indirectly) giving her family the money. SIL was 100% sure DB would get the ring back as obviously it’s a family ring however DB point blank refused “on principle” and instead walked out.

DB told me the whole story as he moved in with me and with his blessing, I went and bought the ring in order to keep it in the family. Now just to be crystal clear for the avoidance of any doubt as it’s MN where some people like to cancel the cheque; SIL SOLD the ring to the shop and I BOUGHT IT from them (for an extremely inflated price I might add as I had to explain the situation). I have the receipt and record of the card transaction so the ring is now legally mine.

Fast forward to now and despite reconciling 2 years ago (they were separated for a year) it seems it’s only just come up in conversation between the two of them that I now have the ring. Now that SIL knows, she’s been hounding me nonstop to give her the ring as it “means the world” to her, my grandad wanted DB’s wife to have it, she regrets what she did, it’s so sentimental to her yada yada yada. When I told her how much I paid for it she basically told me it was my own fault for “paying over the odds” and offered me £100 (which is really cheeky considering she sold it for 4k never mind what I paid).

Now as far as I’m concerned, if I hadn’t paid over the odds, the ring would have gone to someone else so she’d be without it anyway and my grandad most certainly would not have wanted her to have it if he’d have known she’d sell it (he wanted it to stay in the family). I also don’t really care about how much it means to her as quite frankly it can’t mean all that much if she sold it.

DB is very much of the opinion that it’s now my ring (was originally willed to him) and I should keep it since he knows it has sentimental value to me and others in the family; he also made an offhand comment that he wouldn’t put it past her to sell it again as they’re “not as solid” as he’d like due to her family.

Now considering DB supports my decision and it was originally his ring, would I be unreasonable to keep it? My plan is to leave it to DB’s DD from a previous relationship thereby keeping it in his family anyway.

OP posts:
callwaiting2020 · 10/12/2025 20:33

I see 1% voted unreasonable so far.

Hi SIL! You're not getting the OPs ring, so better start looking in the Argos catalogue 😘

callwaiting2020 · 10/12/2025 20:36

Oh, and of course don't give it away to any family member unless you have a daughter yourself, though leaving it in your will to DB's daughter is a good plan, once you get lots of wear out of it I hope :)

Strawberry53 · 10/12/2025 20:41

Keep it! How foolish of her to think you’d give it back to her when she pawned it?! Jewellery can be so sentimental and I’d be broken hearted if somebody pawned say my granny’s jewellery, so glad you were able to buy it back in the first place. Some cheek from her!

HectorPlasm · 10/12/2025 20:42

Ring on, 2 finger salute, job done

Inertia · 10/12/2025 20:43

Your ring.

It stopped being SIL’s ring when she sold it.

ChristieMcVie · 10/12/2025 20:44

Awful, awful CF SIL! She has a lot of nerve expecting you to just hand back a ring she discarded with no thought about what it meant to your family and where it would end up, let alone the expense you had to go to to get it back. Stand firm OP! Leaving the ring to your DN is a lovely idea.

WelshDaffodil · 10/12/2025 20:59

She will likely sell it again. No chance.

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/12/2025 21:06

Def not !!

she sold it for £4k and you paid over that to get it back

keep for your dd

they will split up again

Toooldtocare25 · 10/12/2025 21:10

Absolutely fucking not the cheeky CF

Dazzlemered · 10/12/2025 21:16

Please, please make sure you tell your DN not to give it to her and please tell her why. I’d be telling the whole family exactly why she can’t have it back.

Namechangerage · 10/12/2025 21:23

I get that perhaps you wanted validation from MN and to share a batshit story… but SURELY you were never actually considering giving it back to her OP?! If so please seek help 😅

Sunflower459 · 10/12/2025 21:28

Boy, oh boy. Keep the ring. In fact keep it somewhere she can’t ‘find’ it. What a piece of work!

Aimtodobetter · 10/12/2025 21:52

Also, if I was your DB I’d be pretty pleased with the fact that you have rescued a family heirloom and it will end up with his daughter - that is a lovely outcome. Your SIL may be even more incensed when that happens but not your problem.

PyongyangKipperbang · 10/12/2025 21:55

Namechangerage · 10/12/2025 21:23

I get that perhaps you wanted validation from MN and to share a batshit story… but SURELY you were never actually considering giving it back to her OP?! If so please seek help 😅

I think its one of those moments where someone you trust and is usually on the nose with their advice says something so at odds with what you think that it makes you go "Woah....hang on have I got this totally wrong?!". So when the friend said what she did the OP was just checking.

Glad that the MN hive mind put her straight! Perhaps the friend was having a brain fart when she said it.

localbutterfly · 10/12/2025 22:05

Completely reasonable, apart from the little incel bro aside (as it’s MN where some people like to cancel the cheque). IF you were to sell it back to her, it should be for £4k (or what you paid, if more) adjusted for inflation. But I wouldn't return it to her even at that price. Her offer of £100 would remove any doubt from my mind that the ring was ever meaningful to her and I absolutely wouldn't trust her to hold onto it for her daughter or take proper care of it.

SeaUrchinHat · 10/12/2025 22:05

The ring belongs to you. You do what you like with it. SIL sounds like an arsehole.

Pessismistic · 10/12/2025 22:07

Hi op sorry to hear about your situation. Op first off it’s no longer her ring so just reiterate that to her anytime she brings it up. She got 4k for it that’s what is hers now. I hope your dn appreciates the ring more than sil but just be aware some younger women are either not fussed on jewellery or sentimental value jewellery. Either way your sil had her chance the money meant more to her so keep telling her that.

MoonWoman69 · 10/12/2025 22:11

She isn't blood family, she sold the ring, they're reconciled but as your brother said, not solid. There is absolutely no chance in hell she'd be laying eyes on that ring ever again. She's realised how much she can get for it and with them not being in a stable relationship, she knows she'd have the money to go again in an instant.
So no, that ring needs to stay in the family. Your brother is on board with that too. She has no say at all.

CaneBasket · 10/12/2025 22:12

I’m fascinated that your SIL has the gall to expect to be given the ring after she sold it once already.

HomeTheatreSystem · 10/12/2025 22:15

ChristieMcVie · 10/12/2025 20:44

Awful, awful CF SIL! She has a lot of nerve expecting you to just hand back a ring she discarded with no thought about what it meant to your family and where it would end up, let alone the expense you had to go to to get it back. Stand firm OP! Leaving the ring to your DN is a lovely idea.

Exactly: this was a family heirloom not just a shop bought ring. Don't cave to her demands to have it back, way too late for that. As a PP said there'll be something in the Argos catalogue that will do for her. If she flogs that next time she has a hissy fit about funding her family no one will give a toss.

beadystar · 10/12/2025 22:50

Keep it. Bequeath it to your niece. SIL can buy her own ring if she’s so disrespectful of heirlooms. I’d wear it out of spite also.

Makingadecision · 10/12/2025 22:56

You own it. It didn’t mean anything to her when she pawned it for £4K. Never give it to her and advise your Db to get away.

Laurmolonlabe · 10/12/2025 23:09

You paid for it, you keep it.

Delphiniumandlupins · 10/12/2025 23:15

Don't give your SiL the ring nor allow her any chance of getting it from your DB. Even if her motives are pure she will always be at risk of manipulation from her family

Megsy81 · 11/12/2025 00:25

NameChangerAlaina · 09/12/2025 14:28

DB proposed to SIL with an heirloom ring that has been in the family (in one form or another) for generations; they are now married.

A few years ago, DB and SIL separated due to her family and money; basically DB got to the point where he was refusing to “lend” them anymore and SIL was furious. The final straw was when SIL sold the engagement ring to a pawn shop, gave the money to her family and told DB that if he wanted the ring he’d have to go and buy it back; it was basically a workaround to force him into (indirectly) giving her family the money. SIL was 100% sure DB would get the ring back as obviously it’s a family ring however DB point blank refused “on principle” and instead walked out.

DB told me the whole story as he moved in with me and with his blessing, I went and bought the ring in order to keep it in the family. Now just to be crystal clear for the avoidance of any doubt as it’s MN where some people like to cancel the cheque; SIL SOLD the ring to the shop and I BOUGHT IT from them (for an extremely inflated price I might add as I had to explain the situation). I have the receipt and record of the card transaction so the ring is now legally mine.

Fast forward to now and despite reconciling 2 years ago (they were separated for a year) it seems it’s only just come up in conversation between the two of them that I now have the ring. Now that SIL knows, she’s been hounding me nonstop to give her the ring as it “means the world” to her, my grandad wanted DB’s wife to have it, she regrets what she did, it’s so sentimental to her yada yada yada. When I told her how much I paid for it she basically told me it was my own fault for “paying over the odds” and offered me £100 (which is really cheeky considering she sold it for 4k never mind what I paid).

Now as far as I’m concerned, if I hadn’t paid over the odds, the ring would have gone to someone else so she’d be without it anyway and my grandad most certainly would not have wanted her to have it if he’d have known she’d sell it (he wanted it to stay in the family). I also don’t really care about how much it means to her as quite frankly it can’t mean all that much if she sold it.

DB is very much of the opinion that it’s now my ring (was originally willed to him) and I should keep it since he knows it has sentimental value to me and others in the family; he also made an offhand comment that he wouldn’t put it past her to sell it again as they’re “not as solid” as he’d like due to her family.

Now considering DB supports my decision and it was originally his ring, would I be unreasonable to keep it? My plan is to leave it to DB’s DD from a previous relationship thereby keeping it in his family anyway.

Haven’t RTFT but from skimming can’t see comments from anyone saying you are being unreasonable so where are the 55 who said you were?!

For the record, absolutely reasonable!

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