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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not give SIL her engagement ring back?

469 replies

NameChangerAlaina · 09/12/2025 14:28

DB proposed to SIL with an heirloom ring that has been in the family (in one form or another) for generations; they are now married.

A few years ago, DB and SIL separated due to her family and money; basically DB got to the point where he was refusing to “lend” them anymore and SIL was furious. The final straw was when SIL sold the engagement ring to a pawn shop, gave the money to her family and told DB that if he wanted the ring he’d have to go and buy it back; it was basically a workaround to force him into (indirectly) giving her family the money. SIL was 100% sure DB would get the ring back as obviously it’s a family ring however DB point blank refused “on principle” and instead walked out.

DB told me the whole story as he moved in with me and with his blessing, I went and bought the ring in order to keep it in the family. Now just to be crystal clear for the avoidance of any doubt as it’s MN where some people like to cancel the cheque; SIL SOLD the ring to the shop and I BOUGHT IT from them (for an extremely inflated price I might add as I had to explain the situation). I have the receipt and record of the card transaction so the ring is now legally mine.

Fast forward to now and despite reconciling 2 years ago (they were separated for a year) it seems it’s only just come up in conversation between the two of them that I now have the ring. Now that SIL knows, she’s been hounding me nonstop to give her the ring as it “means the world” to her, my grandad wanted DB’s wife to have it, she regrets what she did, it’s so sentimental to her yada yada yada. When I told her how much I paid for it she basically told me it was my own fault for “paying over the odds” and offered me £100 (which is really cheeky considering she sold it for 4k never mind what I paid).

Now as far as I’m concerned, if I hadn’t paid over the odds, the ring would have gone to someone else so she’d be without it anyway and my grandad most certainly would not have wanted her to have it if he’d have known she’d sell it (he wanted it to stay in the family). I also don’t really care about how much it means to her as quite frankly it can’t mean all that much if she sold it.

DB is very much of the opinion that it’s now my ring (was originally willed to him) and I should keep it since he knows it has sentimental value to me and others in the family; he also made an offhand comment that he wouldn’t put it past her to sell it again as they’re “not as solid” as he’d like due to her family.

Now considering DB supports my decision and it was originally his ring, would I be unreasonable to keep it? My plan is to leave it to DB’s DD from a previous relationship thereby keeping it in his family anyway.

OP posts:
Uricon2 · 13/12/2025 17:59

OP, I'm sorry, horrible but better to know. It has also done your DB the favour of his life if he has seen her true motives and is going to extricate.

Copperoliverbear · 13/12/2025 18:12

Sorry you are unwell OP. X

Fionuala · 13/12/2025 18:54

Just about read all OP post.
But definitely keep the ring.
I would not have disclosed buying it.
That is your business.
Hang onto it.

ChristineKo · 13/12/2025 19:00

I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. I'm glad you will wear the ring, perhaps gift it to another family member to ensure she never gets it?

ChristineKo · 13/12/2025 19:06

ChristineKo · 13/12/2025 19:00

I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. I'm glad you will wear the ring, perhaps gift it to another family member to ensure she never gets it?

Edited

Oh I see you are giving the ring to your niece, that's wonderful. Your SIL is a horrible person.

Delphinium20 · 13/12/2025 19:27

Oh, OP, of course you were shaken. This woman is actively conniving to cheat you upon your passing. What an evil woman.

I'm glad DB sees her for what she is.

Take care of yourself and I'll hope for your health to stay stable as long as possible.

Samlou61 · 13/12/2025 19:31

It meant so much to her that she sold it. Tell her to take a hike!

B33cka8 · 13/12/2025 19:50

Nah she never gets to see or hold the ring again. She sold it for cash. She clearly needs to get some financial advice support and stop leaching off of your brother.

RainbowBagels · 13/12/2025 19:53

OMG what an evil bitch! So glad you and DB found out what she was planning now and not later!

TheMorgenmuffel · 13/12/2025 20:50

Fuck me.

Have you told her you are removing your brother from the will? You should. Then you'll see how much she wants to work on her marriage

BeAzureRaven · 13/12/2025 21:30

ABSOLUTELY KEEP that ring! Your SIL is a dishonest liar. If she valued the ring she never would've pawned it. Do not return under ANY circumstances.

4forksache · 14/12/2025 00:01

Op, I hope you have a very merry Xmas wearing that ring and that for whatever time you have left, you can continue to make wonderful memories with your db, niece and other family members ❤️

EvieBB · 14/12/2025 00:22

NameChangerAlaina · 09/12/2025 14:28

DB proposed to SIL with an heirloom ring that has been in the family (in one form or another) for generations; they are now married.

A few years ago, DB and SIL separated due to her family and money; basically DB got to the point where he was refusing to “lend” them anymore and SIL was furious. The final straw was when SIL sold the engagement ring to a pawn shop, gave the money to her family and told DB that if he wanted the ring he’d have to go and buy it back; it was basically a workaround to force him into (indirectly) giving her family the money. SIL was 100% sure DB would get the ring back as obviously it’s a family ring however DB point blank refused “on principle” and instead walked out.

DB told me the whole story as he moved in with me and with his blessing, I went and bought the ring in order to keep it in the family. Now just to be crystal clear for the avoidance of any doubt as it’s MN where some people like to cancel the cheque; SIL SOLD the ring to the shop and I BOUGHT IT from them (for an extremely inflated price I might add as I had to explain the situation). I have the receipt and record of the card transaction so the ring is now legally mine.

Fast forward to now and despite reconciling 2 years ago (they were separated for a year) it seems it’s only just come up in conversation between the two of them that I now have the ring. Now that SIL knows, she’s been hounding me nonstop to give her the ring as it “means the world” to her, my grandad wanted DB’s wife to have it, she regrets what she did, it’s so sentimental to her yada yada yada. When I told her how much I paid for it she basically told me it was my own fault for “paying over the odds” and offered me £100 (which is really cheeky considering she sold it for 4k never mind what I paid).

Now as far as I’m concerned, if I hadn’t paid over the odds, the ring would have gone to someone else so she’d be without it anyway and my grandad most certainly would not have wanted her to have it if he’d have known she’d sell it (he wanted it to stay in the family). I also don’t really care about how much it means to her as quite frankly it can’t mean all that much if she sold it.

DB is very much of the opinion that it’s now my ring (was originally willed to him) and I should keep it since he knows it has sentimental value to me and others in the family; he also made an offhand comment that he wouldn’t put it past her to sell it again as they’re “not as solid” as he’d like due to her family.

Now considering DB supports my decision and it was originally his ring, would I be unreasonable to keep it? My plan is to leave it to DB’s DD from a previous relationship thereby keeping it in his family anyway.

She sold it (cow bag) and you bought it. It's legally yours. She has no right to it.

SoftBalletShoes · 14/12/2025 02:28

Good God, what on earth did she say? Sadly, her plan tracks with selling the ring regarding what kind of person she is.

I'm so sorry about your illness. 😢💐💐💐

SoftBalletShoes · 14/12/2025 02:28

TheMorgenmuffel · 13/12/2025 20:50

Fuck me.

Have you told her you are removing your brother from the will? You should. Then you'll see how much she wants to work on her marriage

Absolutely!

Tanjamaltija · 14/12/2025 06:10

If it meant the world to her, she would not have sold it. End of story. Not even if she offers to buy it back from you for x10 what you paid, it's legally yours to keep. What's to tell you she won't pull the same stunt if they separate again?

Francestein · 14/12/2025 08:18

So pleased the marriage all went to shit before your DB inherited. He doesn’t sound like he’s strong or confident enough to push back against this witch.

TheShiningCarpet · 14/12/2025 09:28

CombatBarbie · 09/12/2025 14:34

Tell her to get to fuck......

Came here to say this

TwoShades1 · 14/12/2025 09:33

I would definitely keep it in this situation. Your brother supports the choice and your plan to pass it on sounds lovely. I wouldn’t give it back to SIL as it seems likely she will sell it again in the future.

weusedtobeapropercountry · 14/12/2025 13:32

Actions speak louder than words. She SAYS it "means the world", but her actions say otherwise. YANBU.

weusedtobeapropercountry · 14/12/2025 13:36

Baninarama · 09/12/2025 15:01

You can do this only if you copy it for an old bit of cubic zirconia and some sort of metal that gradually turns her finger green.

And sell her the copy for £5k...

weusedtobeapropercountry · 14/12/2025 13:37

CheeseIsMyIdol · 09/12/2025 15:04

Good points.
Your "D" brother isn't innocent in all of this.

D for "d1ckhead" in this case, I assume.

weusedtobeapropercountry · 14/12/2025 13:50

beAsensible1 · 10/12/2025 12:33

unless she pays the full price do not let her even sniff it. I'd make sure its locked away when's he comes round as well.

I'd find the pawning of it unforgivable frankly.

Cheeky cow.

Yeah, don't let her sniff your ring.

To not give SIL her engagement ring back?
weusedtobeapropercountry · 14/12/2025 13:53

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 10/12/2025 19:09

What a strange story this is. Awful family Would make a good fairy story. You should sell it to Disney.

Doesn't add up in my mind why you bought the ring in the first place. A tad jealous or maybe a control gesture.

But as you have now bought it. SIL has no claims on it.

I don't care if it is a family heirloom it seems to be cursed. I wouldn't touch it with a barge pole.

A wise man once said, "Is this a piece of your brain?"

weusedtobeapropercountry · 14/12/2025 14:02

Megsy81 · 11/12/2025 00:25

Haven’t RTFT but from skimming can’t see comments from anyone saying you are being unreasonable so where are the 55 who said you were?!

For the record, absolutely reasonable!

I assume fat fingers 😂