Funeral car driver with blue and green hair

[Notyouthful]

Earlier this week my parents’ NDN had her funeral. Hearse and a funeral car. My DM noticed that the driver of the funeral car- dressed professionally, but he had dyed blue and green hair in a ponytail about 6 inches long This could been seen from under his top hat.

My DM thought his hair wasn’t suitable for funeral work. She would demand an apology if that happened in any of the funerals she arranged herself

Evidently or he wouldn’t have been there. I still find it surprising though. Someone in attendance was offended by it and people on this thread have said they’d find it inappropriate too. So it’s clearly something that can and does cause offence and is a problem for some.

Well... people can choose to be offended. Thats up to them and their narrow-mindedness.
Mercifully we live in a free country.

More to do with tradition than respectability in the case here 🤔. I have about 30 tattoos (none of them 'visible') and have sported ostentatious, 'unconventional' hairstyles since I was 16, however I wouldn't have the audacity to make an appearance in my usual style were I to be employed in a formal public role. This sort of sartorial preening implies a lack of seriousness and is entirely inappropriate for the aforementioned positions, and others similar.

and it's because we live in a free country that many work place can ban blue and green hair, they have the freedom to decide what image they want to give to the clients.

It also give the freedom of other places NOT to employ people who don't have crazy hairstyle and fun visible tattoos.

Client can complain about what they believe is inappropriate. If it's a regular complaint, and the business start losing clients, they will have to do something. One opinion doesn't matter, the majority however...

He was wearing a hat though wasn't he? Sure you could hardly any of his hair. I would really struggle to care and think my older friends and relatives wouldn't either. I have been to loads of funerals and hardly any have been 'wear black' so the colour wouldn't even have stood out.

It doesn't really matter if one person wouldn't care.

What matters is the family, or the majority of clients, who would find it disrespectful towards them or towards the deceased.

It's a very sensitive time, and a tricky one.

So DM's NDN engages a funeral director and firm to arrange a funeral? What on earth does it have to do with your DM? She didn't engage thr funeral director or pay their fees.

Perhaps the NDN is very much more tolerant of appearances than DM and didn't care.

Sounds like a chat with DM about non judgemental tolerance is the order of the day.

Which means that everyone’s opinions count. Particularly the bereaved in this situation I would say.

I couldn’t give a hoot how people choose to dress or style themselves but it is a slippery slope to think that some formal occasions shouldn’t have certain dress codes. Maybe next year King Charles will lay the armistice wreath in a hoody and ripped jeans. Since it doesn’t affect how he does his job.

Yes, because green hair is a protected characteristic like sex and race 🙄

He could indeed... if he chose.
Some people would be offended.
Some wouldn't give a shit.
Thankfully we've moved on... otherwise we'd all be here hiding our ankles.

Because mostly, you can hide brightly coloured hair. The same as most tattoos.
It’s nothing to do with where I want ‘the social rule drawn where it makes the difference to me personally’.
I’m not working at the moment because I’m caring for my husband. I was previously working in a senior frontline clinical role and wore my own clothes. I’ve got a tattoo; it’s not offensive, but I’d always cover it in case some find it so. The same as not wearing ripped jeans etc to work. I wouldn’t do it partly because it would be inappropriate and might offend people who were already in a vulnerable situation. I wouldn’t want to have brightly coloured hair personally, but I guess if any of my team had, they would have had it tied back.
I agree with you about being extra conservative. The difference is that ripped jeans etc are completely on show and brightly coloured hair could probably be hidden, at least to an extent, with a hat, which many FDs wear.

🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱

In that case, I'm not sure we disagree much at all. If the FD's brightly-coloured hair is entirely hidden then I don't see a problem. From the OP's description though it wasn't particularly hidden. I also think that having brightly dyed hair and making a clear effort to hide it does a lot of the necessary work (not perhaps all of it, because it might still distract/upset someone if poorly hidden, but goes a long way), because the core principle to me is the idea about the FD not making this about himself or his individuality at someone else's funeral and a decent attempt to hide it shows that is not the intention.

I think FD is one of a rare type of job where a few things come together really strongly (which is why my view on what's right for a FD doesn't generalise to many other jobs): i) the job is intrinsically about centering someone else, ii) the job is intrinsically about providing comfort, or at least avoiding irritation or distraction, iii) people are often in an unusually fragile mood, and iv) there are likely to be mourners who are significantly older than the FD, and coming together from many different circles, therefore the 'what's acceptable now in my circles' is a particularly unreliable test.

when you say "we've moved on", what you mean is that you don't care. It doesn't mean your opinion reflects the majority of people.

In a country where the head of state proudly parade in full ceremonial dress for the Order of the Garter, I'd say that the UK has moved on a lot slower than many other countries 😂

The hair was spotted in spite of the headgear, though 🤨. I am not objecting to a lack of sartorial formality amongst funeral attendees; however it is highly inappropriate for professional funeral staff.

Was he respectful and did he do his job professionally and empathetically? If so then the colour of his hair is of no relevance. If not, what is relevant is the fact he didn’t do his job well, not the colour of his hair. We are all individuals.

I wouldn't expect someone to turn up in a brightly coloured suit so I wouldn't expect them to turn up with brightly coloured hair either.

I wouldn't complain but I would think it was inappropriate. Be an 'individual' in your own time.

Making judgments in this discussion is unavoidable. If you think brightly dyed hair is fine but ripped jeans is not, that's a judgment. The idea that we should navigate social issues without using our judgments is a odd and impossible one.

You seem to think that making what's OK at a funeral reliant on arbitrary individual taste is a problem, and I agree. If you want to make individual taste matter as little as possible to the question of which things are OK, then what you are looking for is some sort of generally accepted code, which, if it's to keep its coherence and work for the widest number of people at a tricky time, is going to have to move slowly. You've reinvented the conservative-funeral-hair rule from first principles.

You can call an FD with unnaturally dyed bright hair 'doing it for themselves' if you prefer that to 'drawing attention'. I don't think a FD at a funeral should be dressing or styling or behaving 'for themselves'. It's a really unusual job, where doing something not for oneself is at the absolute core.

This.
What’s perceived to be unprofessional to some, isn’t to others. It’s all perception and a matter of taste and this thread proves it. Some really value the person and what / how they do it, whilst others judge solely on looks.

At which point do you draw the line in this playbook? Who sets the ‘standard’ of what’s acceptable in somebody’s appearance? Who dictates what’s acceptable in one profession and not the other?

Everyone's outward presentation to the world is "for themselves". No one can possibly dress or style themselves with everyone else in mind.

There isn't a generally accepted code, as you can see from the wide range of opinions on this thread; in any case, generally accepted codes are in a permanent state of flux and evolution. What you think is sober and conservative in 2025 might have been attention-seeking sluttishness in 1955.

However insofar as there is a generally accepted code of dress and style, it's set by the employers (the only people here who have week-in, week-out experience of what mourners generally want). This driver was accepted and hired by them, green hair and all. They can impose a uniform, a dress code or a hair colour on their employees if they wish. That they haven't indicates that it's a non-issue to most of their clients. OP's moaning mother - who wasn't even part of the close family at this funeral - seems to be an outlier.

Green hair is a statement. It’s bold and eye catching and colourful in a situation when these things are not appropriate. I wouldn’t be happy if one of my nearest and dearest had this man managing their funeral or driving their hearse because I just don’t think it looks right in this situation. It would be like someone wearing a feather boa or a clown hat.

If it were a teacher or a banker or a doctor or pretty much another other profession I wouldn’t give a shit. But funerals are respectful, serious occasions and the feelings of the bereaved should come first. Maybe they didn’t mind but were they asked beforehand I wonder.

I think some people just desperately want to appear perpetually unbothered and progressive 😂

I think this post is really sad.

Would you stop a doctor saving your child if they had blue hair?

Would you tell someone not to perform CPR on your mum because their hair was dyed pink?

Would you pull your child out of school if their teacher had tattoos and red hair?

in real life.. patients refuse life-saving care because someone appears to be the wrong sex/ gender, so people have completely stupid excuses in A&E already!

Many schools would not employ a tattoo/ red hair teacher (while other schools will make them top of their list) and many parents would look at a different school.

Of course it matters.

In the context of a FUNERAL, it's important to be as respectful and as universally respectful as you can. It doesn't matter if you dislike a waiter's tattoos, but a funeral is not the place to impose a non-traditional appearance.

In the same way as not tolerating a woman wearing a pink sequin mini skirt.
I wear mine on the school run, 😂couldn't care less what people think, but I would find it completely unacceptable if worn by a funeral director.

Time and a place.

These are odd tests for what’s acceptable for a funeral director. Is there anything the first two tests would catch?

In most situations I'd side with the hair colours. But isn't the whole point of formal funeral attire to be ultra-traditional?