Funeral car driver with blue and green hair

[Notyouthful]

Earlier this week my parents’ NDN had her funeral. Hearse and a funeral car. My DM noticed that the driver of the funeral car- dressed professionally, but he had dyed blue and green hair in a ponytail about 6 inches long This could been seen from under his top hat.

My DM thought his hair wasn’t suitable for funeral work. She would demand an apology if that happened in any of the funerals she arranged herself

3rd hand gossip

Ponytail fine.
Blue and green hair - jarring and therefore disrespectful.
I was watching a performance a while back. One of the performers had blue hair. It was distracting.

its funny how people are saying it’s fine and not disrespectful as long as he’s dressed smartly and in uniform. Surely the suit he’s wearing is also part of being respectful as it’s what’s expected in the same vain that bright coloured hair is outside of the norm for funeral directors. Why is one things acceptable but the other not? (Except of course where families wishes are for something specific)

I'm going to go against the general grain here and say that I would find it inappropriate as well.

Funerals are a time for tradition and formality (unless otherwise requested). They are a time for dressing and grooming very quietly and sombrely (unless otherwise requested). Not a time for drawing attention to yourself in any way. Blue or green hair doesn't really come under that heading. It's not conservative enough.

Normally it cheers me up to see people expressing themselves in their appearance. I've had some quite colourful hair myself over the years. But I wouldn't have driven a funeral car without dyeing or hiding it. Because the day is not about me or my self-expression.

How UTTERLY ridiculous of your mother. In what way does this person's hair colour have the slightest thing to do with their job or whether they're good at it?? if she would like, I can send her a list of things to be upset/angry about that are not the hue of some strands of hair??

At my dad’s funeral, the celebrant had pink hair. It didn’t impact her ability to do her job. She gave an excellent eulogy and spoke about Dad with such warmth and affection, even though she’d never met him.

MYOB. What on earth has the colour of a funeral director's hair at your mother's next door neighbour's funeral got to do with you?

Turn your attention to more important things, such as the your mother's vicar's cat's flatulence or some such. 🤪

But why is someone’s hair a matter of respect or disrespect? I honestly can’t understand it and would love someone to be able to articulate it for me.

But you as a family would have chosen that celebrant? So great that's your choice; other families might make different decisions. There is 1 celebrant per funeral, multiple pall bearers & drivers with no probable choice available.

I'm a teacher and we have to have natural coloured hair. Our school even thinks blue jeans is too much. This has been the same rule for every school I've worked in. The colour of his hair does not mean he is unfit to do his job but I would agree with your mum that it's not professional.

If it was a problem, then he would not have been employed in that role to begin with.
His employers are fine with it.

It’s mostly hidden by a top hat. Such a non issue and your dm is being so dramatic, for the funerals she arranged, she will have had more pressing issues and emotions to deal with then the colour of a drivers hair surely?

i think I would find that unprofessional, it’s very easy to cover hair with a topper in a ponytail or something, also it seems inevitable to me that some people will be upset by it and given the nature of the job it seems incredibly crass of them

But you can begin to understand from this thread that many wouldn't like it. Why should that individuals choice be imposed on people? I must ask my many Irish friends who regularly fly to Ireland for incredibly distant funerals what their stricter religious conventions look like.

For those who think negatively - why? If they are professional at their job and treat the family with compassion and dignity, why does their hair matter? Would you think differently if they were bald?

It’s etiquette isn’t it, there are still strong conventions around how to dress and present oneself at a funeral. And I think breaching etiquette, especially at such a delicate time when it’s obvious that some people won’t like it its just really rude. Rudeness in a setting like this is deeply unprofessional. And so easy to cover it up. I think it would be the same if somebody was swearing, it’s a case of not caring to read the room and a very unusually delicate time.

I think it’s ok providing they act respectfully.

I believe my DM is a traditionalist as we attended a funeral where the hearse was silver.

Seeing a little bit of green/blue hair isn't really an imposition though?

Do we all need to start asking for photos of funeral staff so we can approve them?

Don't want anyone too old/young, don't want someone too fat/thin, don't want a blonde/brunette, can't have people who wear glasses, can't have someone who has a scar or a big nose or blue eyes etc, where does it end?

It's literally a flash of colour from under a hat ffs.

Your DM needs a reality check. So do you for wondering whether it’s unreasonable or not.

I'm normally a 'live and let live' sort of person, and have no issue with coloured hair, or tattoos, but I draw the line at this kind of 'look how edgy and wacky I am' kind of thing at funerals. I wouldn't be best pleased with this personally.

Never mind 'it's OK if he does the job well though.' It is deeply unprofessional as some posters have said, If a top MP is doing her job well, would it be OK for her to wear a pink mini skirt, and a sparkly silver boob tube when she's at Cabinet meetings? Of course it wouldn't. So that argument holds no water.

YANBU @Notyouthful

Maybe the neighbour didn't mind the coloured/long hair though? I gather your mum doesn't know this...?

But there are standard conventions. They help us all move through society. And funerals are the most conventional of all, even now. Read the thread. Plenty on here offering their thoughts why this might not be OK.

I assume she didn't like her neighbour very much if she was able to be bothered by that. I hope for a drag queen to officiate mine, your mum might not like that though so I better rethink.

I can't see any actual reason other than people deeming it unprofessional, but not saying why neat and tidy hair, under a hat, that you can merely see is green/blue is considered unprofessional.

The colour of someone’s hair is irrelevant

🤣🤣🤣🤣 This is ridiculous! Honestly your DM must b very old or living in the past decade !!!