Funeral car driver with blue and green hair

[Notyouthful]

Earlier this week my parents’ NDN had her funeral. Hearse and a funeral car. My DM noticed that the driver of the funeral car- dressed professionally, but he had dyed blue and green hair in a ponytail about 6 inches long This could been seen from under his top hat.

My DM thought his hair wasn’t suitable for funeral work. She would demand an apology if that happened in any of the funerals she arranged herself

Your divisions between "OK" and "not OK" just underline how arbitrary (and personal - to you) they are. Who decides what's "ostentatious", for starters? In any context, that's a subjective adjective. Your ostentatious is probably Mariah Carey's subtle. And that torturous paragraph about precisely what kind of hair dye is acceptable - that's all your opinion and your taste.

And can we stop with the "drawing attention" trope. People who have dyed their hair are not doing it AT you. They are doing it for themselves. Your attention being drawn by something does not mean that it was done with an intent of drawing attention.

Why?

This is a really important point in this context.

Presumably if the direct family really didn't want a green-haired driver they could have asked for another one. That they didn't indicates that they were absolutely fine with, maybe even enthusiastic about, his hair colour.

The OP's mother is not close enough for her opinion to matter in the slightest here.

Don't be disingenuous.

Of course it's obvious what is "ostentatious", at least in our society.

People who have dyed their hair are not doing it AT you. They are doing it for themselves. Of course, AND to draw attention. Or they wouldn't do it. We know that, and you know that.

Prior to a funeral you typically meet the lead funeral director and one or two of the office staff, not the whole team. I don't think the assumption that the family knew about it in advance is valid.

It's interesting to explore why some people feel it's disrespectful, but at the end of the day the reason doesn't matter. It's enough that quite a few people instinctively feel it's disrespectful. That makes it important not to do it.

If I was booked to run a corporate training event I wouldn't turn up dressed for a night out or in beach clothes. It's a fundamental part of the job to make it as easy as possible for people to take in whatever I'm training them in. If I knowingly wear something that some of them are likely to find
distracting or inappropriate, I'm doing the opposite of what I'm being paid for. I don't need to know whether there are actually any people who'd feel like that or what their reasons might be. I just wouldn't do it. It's hard enough making an event run smoothly when you have a large audience you don't know much about, other than they probably don't want be there, without shooting yourself in the foot before you start.

You're wrong, but also, who cares? Why is "drawing attention" such an awful thing? It is a less unpleasant trait than - for example - hidebound judgmentalism.

It's enough that quite a few people instinctively feel it's disrespectful. That makes it important not to do it.

Nope. Not having that. If you think like that, only the most conservative ways of being are acceptable and progress doesn't happen.

No one said it was a bad thing, just that it was just for attention - and you agree.

And if you genuinely haven't noticed what is seen as "ostentatious" in our society, where do you live 😂

What do you mean "not having that"😂

By not following the social norms appropriate for the place and circumstances you are in, you are not making a statement, you are just being rude.

So where is the line? Don't we care if the funeral directors don't wear black? Wear a tshirt and jeans? Turn up in a bikini?

I wouldn't care about the hair either, but we do have expectations about certian standards at these things, and I'm curious about where the line is. Presumably in different places for different people.

I am surprised a funeral director is allowed multicolored hair on show at work, even if it's only a tiny % who might find it unprofessioanl/disrespectful.

What if they had auburn hair?
The disrespect ....🙄

Don’t be so silly. The last time I checked, auburn was a natural colour. Green and blue, however, aren’t 🙄

It comes across that a lot of people on this thread are being deliberately obtuse and/or playing dumb about why this might be inappropriate and offensive for some people.

I couldn’t care less how people choose to present themselves as a rule. But an occasion like a funeral is somber and deserves respect. This is why we have uniforms, dress codes etc. I’m not saying the chap wasn’t good at his job but it is unprofessional to wear something bold and colourful at a funeral. I’m amazed his employers are ok with it.

If it wouldn’t bother you personally that’s great, but there are still a lot of people who would find it inappropriate at this sort of occasion.

On the whole I agree with you, but I think funerals are a special case. They are absolutely not the time to push people to accept changes they're not really comfortable with.

More and more the 'funerals' we are going too are called 'celebration of life' and we are being asked to wear bright clothing and not dark things.

If they were professional, clean, decent and most of all kind I don't really care what colour their hair is.

Undertaking is not a complicated business. The tasks are simple, but it’s critical that they are done well. A great undertaker is a great comfort, discretely making sure everything runs smoothly.

On this thread most people are saying they wouldn’t care about blue hair. I don’t think I would either, but I would expect some of the other mourners to care, especially as usually most mourners are older generation. l would be really surprised that the firm hadn’t applied stricter dress code to be considerate to all mourners sensibilities.

Totally inappropriate and unprofessional hairstyle to sport on a sombre occasion, and part of the decline in standards in public life - including, but not limited to, visible tattoos on police officers; facial piercings & hand / neck tattoos on bank clerks - that shows no sign of abating, and which is a small but recognisable symptom of a society in gradual collapse.

And she would probably be reminded about Equality, Diversity and Inclusion!

I think your mum is living in the dark ages! What if someone had dark hair with a plum or red colouring, or highlights and low lights? Men can have long hair, if it was a woman with a 6 inch pony tail she wouldn’t bat an eyelid
as long as the person was respectable and respectful what’s the issue with the hair colour!
saying that my ILs would literally have a fit, they’re old grumps too!

Actually, the celebrant that conducted my dear mums funeral was gay, wore a diamond stud in one ear and had a tattoo on his wrist……….did I care? NO, did I object? NO, did I complain? NO! He was so calm and professional in delivering the service, we could not have wished for anyone better.

Oooops I missed an S of Decades ago is that better for u 😂😂😂😂

His employers ARE clearly ok with it... can't be a problem.

😂😂😂

I think the vast majority of the population wpuld be so delighted to actually find a bank that was open and staffed by humans that they really wouldn't care what the clerk looked like.

I find the debate around appearances and respectability fascinating. I don't equate hair colour or piercings etc with being 'respectable'.

but in reality, while it wouldn't matter with high street banks, as soon as you go towards more corporate clients, it does matter.

If clients believe you don't take the job and them seriously enough and they don't agree with piercings and tattoo, it's entire contracts you lose. The business wont' tolerate that.

I actually don't know what they think (or care, the only one I like is Zara) but if the royal family strongly disagreed with tattoos and piercings, and would not work with people not looking corporate and conservative enough, no one would flaunt their tattoos to deal with them (and their unlimited funds!)

Would have been completely unacceptable in the funeral directors I've recently been working with. Their appearance is their uniform. Not just the uniform they wear, but their whole appearance. So no trainers, visible tattoos, unnatural hair, jokey jewellery, etc etc.