Funeral car driver with blue and green hair

[Notyouthful]

Earlier this week my parents’ NDN had her funeral. Hearse and a funeral car. My DM noticed that the driver of the funeral car- dressed professionally, but he had dyed blue and green hair in a ponytail about 6 inches long This could been seen from under his top hat.

My DM thought his hair wasn’t suitable for funeral work. She would demand an apology if that happened in any of the funerals she arranged herself

I wouldn't like it and would find it very unprofessional. I wouldn't say anything, but it would definitely bother me.

Some people's judgmentalism is basically a manifestation of their frustration that they're not lord/lady of the manor and don't have actual servants to order around, so they have to complain about anyone they perceive to be "inferior" to them as a way of making themselves feel better. It's a most unpleasant trait.

Why is blue hair disrespectful though - genuinely.

Would blonde highlights be disrespectful? A shaved head? Red hair?

Why is blue disrespectful and other colours, or obviously dyed hair isn't?

I'm voting AIBU because it's not clear what your opinion is, but your mother is wrong here IMHO. These feelings aren't fit for 21st Century.

Why? What bad thing will happen if someone with green hair turned up?
Why do you think you have the right to dictate the hair colour of someone else?
As long as they are clean and tidy, then does the hair colour make one jot of difference to how they care for your departed loved ones?

This reminds me of Alan Bennett’s Talking heads episode, about a woman (played most appropriately by Patricia routledge) who complains about hearse drivers smoking; then writes to the Queen about dog mess on the pavement outside Buckingham palace, and believes that a young couple opposite are neglecting their child; she is eventually sent to prison. Alan Bennett foresaw mumsnet before it existed!

Your dm's being an old fashioned ass.

I'm sure the funeral home would give her complaint all the consideration it would be due. 🙄

@Notyouthful absolute ridiculous thing to judge someone on. If she wants to talk about being proper etc how scandalous would she find it if a women was involved. Women in the funeral business. Shocking. There will be women leading funerals next in church’s. Oh wait… what if they are too young looking. Too good looking… it’s all too distracting. What if they are ginger. clutches pearls and swoons

Honestly judge them on how they treat the family, the job they do - not a bit of box dye on their hair that they in a ponytail and have under a hat…

All of this. I have a relative who’s a cocklodging life failure freeloading narcissist arsehole and he uses every opportunity like this to preach what is correct and polite in society as if he’s walked off the set of pride and prejudice. It’s transparent and nauseating for anyone in his orbit.

He also massively judges anyone with a tattoo and once complained to a holiday company that one of the kids entertainers was “a little bit too gay”.

I’m not saying this is the same but never underestimate the projection going on here

I was a pallbearer at my grandad's funeral. When I offered to do it, DM actually rang the funeral directors and asked if I was allowed to do it as I was a woman.

On the day, half of us carrying him were women. He would have been so proud of us. It was the last thing I could have done for him, and it was an honour.

But why should it matter that he’s dressed smartly? That’s just as much a convention as hair colour is.

If he turned up in ripped jeans and a t-shirt but was kind and empathetic, why should he be judged on such superficial things as appearance?

For that matter, why should he need to show empathy and respect in the conventional manner. Maybe he shows deep respect by chewing gum and burping. Who are we to impose our convention? Sounds pretty superficial to do that.

It would please me if this was my funeral.

Madness. A friend of mine works as a pall bearer/hearse driver. They are pretty heavily tattooed but I (and my family, including 80 odd year old mum) were beyond grateful to have him working my dad’s funeral. Kindness and compassion are vital for the job, then the outfit. The rest is whatever.

I just think it looks unprofessional

I think there's a big difference between the family wishing for everyone in attendance to dress a certain way and a funeral car driver looking like a poisonous dart frog.

I tend to ignore a lot of people right down to their appearance these days as I just don't have the energy.

Wouldn’t have bothered me. There are plenty of elderly ladies who have purple rinses (or at there least used to be).

I love this!

The ones I work with get all kinds of requests as to coloured outfits - they have a variety of waistcoats to choose from and nobody has ever complained about the male with a pony tail (not coloured). The colour of hair is not an issue as long as they are good at their job

I wouldn't mind one bit, unless they were behaving in an unprofessional manner. Sometimes a little splash of colour can lighten the mood a bit

I dont agree I'm afraid. Respect and manners have largely gone from our society (uk) but funerals are probably still the most traditional part. Personally I love that families can now choose a little more how to personalise eg football mentioned above, bright colours, since colour. But that is an individual family choice. The funeral service employees have to attend multiple funerals per week. So as a service provider their employees need to cater to all tastes. Now again personally I find the men i have met with long hair, tied back, so not wanna-be female and long flowing, to be lovely, caring and kind. So I would find that type of person supportive at a funeral. I am not sure about the brightly coloured.

I honestly couldn’t give a damn about a person’s hair colour. Did she speak to him? Was he polite and respectful or was he rude and unhelpful? That’s what really counts especially in the funeral sector.

Wait until you go to hospital and see the wonderful hair colours and piercings on the staff, does it really matter.

I don’t like funny coloured hair. I think it looks unprofessional, and I don’t know anyone sane who has blue/green/pink hair.

Sorry. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Also I love long hair on men, as long as it’s well looked after and clean.

I’m in my mid 70s - I’d love someone a bit quirky at my funeral.