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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH called DD annoying and it’s made me feel really sad

728 replies

GugiGi · 30/11/2025 01:47

DH and I have 3 children, DS1 who is 19, DD1 is 16 and DD2 is 12.
DD1 is a live wire, she has such an incredibly vibrant personality, never stops, wakes up every morning and does a workout in our home gym, showers and by the time any of the rest of us make it downstairs she is already in the kitchen making an omelette or porridge, music on (not loud enough to wake anyone) dancing around. In the evening she’s always getting her homework done then doing something, she never seems to sit still, even if you check on her at 10pm she will be pacing around her room while testing herself on flash cards or FaceTiming friends, sometimes she’s being a little silly and will be balancing something on her head while she does so “for posture”. She’s got so much energy and is such an intelligent, vibrant girl. She can be hard to get a story out of as she does go off into mini stories within the story, but they are always told with such energy and are genuinely funny. She is the most active user of the family group chat, always sending little things she’s seen, silly selfies, little videos of her doing her sports or singing a song etc.

Tonight she sent a video into the family group chat, well multiple videos. She had tried to FaceTime as she was walking home but none of us answered (I was showering, no idea why DH didn’t). She was telling us a story about her day with her friends and did get distracted a lot during the story, stopped the story to show us a pigeon she passed, then said something which reminded her of a song which she then sung in the video. I appreciate it’s a long watch and hard to follow but I genuinely love that DD feels so comfortable just being her lovely, vibrant self with us. DH however went into a mood, he asked if I’d seen the videos and I said yes then said “she’s bloody annoying and needs to grow up”. DH isn’t very close to DD, they don’t have loads in common, DD is super sporty, loves a deep dive into random topics etc. DH is into his chess and history so will only bond with DD if she takes an interest in history. However this isn’t even sure fire as when DD started asking if the Nuremberg trials were ethical he got annoyed and said she was reading too far into it and would look like a “fascist sympathiser” if she said that to anyone else! He is always putting her down even when I tell him to pack it in, she’s too sporty, she needs to learn to just sit still for a minute, too high energy, too loud etc.
Its all making me quite sad as while DD doesn’t seem to mind, I just hate that she must sense her dad doesn’t particularly like her even if he does love her.

AIBU to find really sad? What do I do to stop it?

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 30/11/2025 09:34

How late did she call ? I get not everyone can answer calls /facetime like you couldn’t and people miss them

but why didn’t dh answer ? Did he ignore her name on phone

if late and dark and I knew mini blondes was walking home alone and she called , I would be answering

what was dh doing that he couldn’t answer her @GugiGi

Leopardspota · 30/11/2025 09:35

She sounds lovely. Your DH should be loving and appreciating the person she is or he’ll push her away.

all these comments of ‘is she adhd’ …!!! So what if she is. If she’s not struggling then that’s just how her brain is.

it’s our job as parents to meet our children where they are, to be their biggest supporters and love them for who they are. Not to mould them into the person we want them to be.

Daysgo · 30/11/2025 09:35

I think she sounds lovely OP. And clearly her siblings, friends , teachers, coaches have no issues with her. Your husband finding her irritating when she paces in her room which he can neither hear or see to my mind invalidates anything else he says about her. He can't bear her clearly and is happy to show it. That's piss poor parenting by him.

I mean being annoyed because someone learns standing or walking and thinking it's weird.... . The idiot's posting here re your dd having " main character syndrome"... Someone in your house does and it's not her.

A parent who cannot accept their child being different to themselves is not a good parent, and is possibly/likely a very jealous and maybe insecure one. Good luck to your dd!

JudgeJ · 30/11/2025 09:36

DareDevil223 · 30/11/2025 08:43

I'm going to have to stop reading this thread as watching loads of apparently grown women being total cunts about a child is so horrible.

This is exactly the sort of posting that should be cracked down on, it goes way past robust. I hope some of you don't have children.

If that's the case then maybe MNHQ needs to block them. The OP described her behaviour which many would find annoying and over the top. No-one is using the word you use to describe her, one that I had never seen in print before MN, says a lot about you!

thepariscrimefiles · 30/11/2025 09:36

Muffinmam · 30/11/2025 09:28

She sounds insufferable.

You are her mother so you can’t see what everyone else sees.

Not everyone else. Just the misanthropes on this thread who revel in being cruel about a 16 year old girl and the child's hideous father.

MarymaryquiteC · 30/11/2025 09:36

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 30/11/2025 09:26

I would also find her annoying. She seems overly energetic? No wonder she gets on your DH's nerves

Does she have some kind of health disorder?

Or is all this activity a way of controlling to get more attention and rule the roost?

Yeah she has a health disorder ...it's called youth. What an idiotic post.

OkWinifred · 30/11/2025 09:37

I would love a DD like yours. She sounds amazing and so full of positive energy. She’ll go far 💐

Your DH must STOP trying to burst her beautiful bubble.

MarymaryquiteC · 30/11/2025 09:37

JudgeJ · 30/11/2025 09:36

If that's the case then maybe MNHQ needs to block them. The OP described her behaviour which many would find annoying and over the top. No-one is using the word you use to describe her, one that I had never seen in print before MN, says a lot about you!

No, they are being cu*ts

Shakeyourwammyfannyfunkysong · 30/11/2025 09:37

OP for all the posters saying 'she sounds annoying' I'd also implore you to look at all the posts saying she sounds fab and consider all the people in the real world who she brings joy to. Not only is she not neurodivergent she doesn't even sound objectively to be unusually annoying or socially awkward tbh.

Could it also be that your DH is subconsciously comparing her to your other kids and that they are unusually more (but still not pervasively) on the other end of the scale? I have noticed something similar with a friend. Her first child is unusually hyperfocussed, a talker and a thinker not a doer and a mover. Then she had 2nd child and she is a little tornado in comparison. She's convinced something is up with the 2nd but in reality both are fantastic kids just with very different personalities imo

LoveItaly · 30/11/2025 09:37

I think that she sounds lovely too, and it’s a shame that your husband can’t appreciate her energy and vitality. So many teenagers don’t want to engage with their parents at that age, she sounds rather special to me and quite delightful.

As for the sending of videos, he is not obliged to watch them, is he? My husband rarely engages with our family group chat, but he likes to read the messages and is free to join in when he wants.

I would have a word with him about it OP, but in a gentle way as you can’t force him to change his attitude. At least she’ll know that she has a loving Mum who appreciates her for who she is.

GugiGi · 30/11/2025 09:37

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/11/2025 09:34

How late did she call ? I get not everyone can answer calls /facetime like you couldn’t and people miss them

but why didn’t dh answer ? Did he ignore her name on phone

if late and dark and I knew mini blondes was walking home alone and she called , I would be answering

what was dh doing that he couldn’t answer her @GugiGi

It was about half 10, to some this may be really late but DD knows we don’t go to be until midnight on Saturdays so she wouldn’t have been waking us up.

Im not sure why DH didn’t answer, as far as I know he was watching a film down the stairs while I was showering, maybe didn’t feel like pausing it to answer. Then again I would have paused just to check it was urgent or at least messaged to check.

OP posts:
Crispus · 30/11/2025 09:38

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Nanny0gg · 30/11/2025 09:38

To sum up:

I think you have a DH problem

Cherrysoup · 30/11/2025 09:38

Bedroomdilemmas113 · 30/11/2025 07:30

I’m sorry but she sounds incredibly annoying. It may just be the way you’re describing her but I feel exhausted reading it.

I also think ADHD because if this is a fair description of what she’s like every day, it’s far from normal. At 16, she should be able to follow a conversation in a linear manner.

I suspect she does have ADHD and this is the result of her training herself to sit and conform, work hard at school (to her credit), so when she is no longer in the environment where she has to, it’s like the Coke can effect where everything she’s suppressed all day is coming out at hyper speed.

With regard to pre-12, I feel there would be signs if you really thought about it. Your descriptions of her being sunny, full of joy and happy to just exist are what my ADHD daughter was like when she was younger too.

All else aside, I read your post and worry about an impending burnout. That level of activity, in her brain, body and verbally, isn’t sustainable. People with ADHD, especially undiagnosed, females especially, are very much at risk of burnout in late teens/early 20s.

I’d agree that potentially she suppresses herself all day at school-masking-then lets it all hang out at home where she doesn’t need to worry about being focused/quiet. I’d say your dh needs serious words, but equally, your dd could tone down the endless videos, I just wouldn’t have the headspace for that. Saying that, your dh didn’t need to watch them all, particularly knowing it would annoy him.

Ripplemoment · 30/11/2025 09:40

Your husband sounds unkind and belittling.
I wouldn't tolerate my husband treating my child like that.
He would be told to be quiet firmly and I would make it clear that his behaviour is completely changing how I view him.

Completely unacceptable. She sounds like a high energy young woman with a lovely spirit.

I really couldn't look at my husband, much less be around him, if he spoke to a treated my child like that.

YANBU.

FirmOliveReader · 30/11/2025 09:40

All of my family members do things that I find annoying at times.

And I'm sure I do things that annoying them.

It's not a big deal.

MarymaryquiteC · 30/11/2025 09:40

GugiGi · 30/11/2025 09:31

Can you please outline; considering all the ways she also does not meet the criteria why you are so certain?
You are taking the very few traits she does have and using them but ignoring all the ones she doesn’t have (she isn’t a day dreamer, she isn’t a perfectionist, she’s never struggled with friendships, has no issues with focus, no issues with organisation, doesn’t procrastinate, has lots of sustained long term hobbies etc.)
Having a handful of traits that are associated with someone who has adhd doesn’t mean she absolutely has it.

OP, I'd get off this thread if I were you. Full of psychos. Your daughter sounds fantastic, instead of analysing her, analyse her shit Dad.

RedToothBrush · 30/11/2025 09:41

You don't have to like someone to love them but still find them annoying.

And frankly asking if the Nuremberg trials were ethical would make me extremely concerned about what shite my daughter was seeing online and just how bloody ignorant she was. It would result in being sat down and told to watch a whole bunch of documentaries on the subject and being then asked if she still felt the same way complete with her internet usage getting a thorough once over.

TheScenicWay · 30/11/2025 09:41

Does her dad have any positive interactions with her?
Has your dd spoken about how she feels she’s treated?
It sounds like she has a great relationship with everyone else including her siblings but this negativity and open dislike she experiences from her dad will be damaging.

Notthatonetheotherone · 30/11/2025 09:42

I think she sounds wonderful OP

CheeseIsMyIdol · 30/11/2025 09:42

RedToothBrush · 30/11/2025 09:41

You don't have to like someone to love them but still find them annoying.

And frankly asking if the Nuremberg trials were ethical would make me extremely concerned about what shite my daughter was seeing online and just how bloody ignorant she was. It would result in being sat down and told to watch a whole bunch of documentaries on the subject and being then asked if she still felt the same way complete with her internet usage getting a thorough once over.

I was thinking the same. Why was she asking that?

She sounds more manic than vibrant, tbh. I can empathize with your husband.

GugiGi · 30/11/2025 09:45

CheeseIsMyIdol · 30/11/2025 09:42

I was thinking the same. Why was she asking that?

She sounds more manic than vibrant, tbh. I can empathize with your husband.

Her argument was that while they were absolutely necessary and probably the best option at the time due to the lack of legal framework, from a modern perspective can you actually say victors justice is ethical.

OP posts:
Shoutinglagerlagerlager · 30/11/2025 09:45

I can’t get past the nonsense your DH said about the Nuremberg trials to be honest… but I understand why he finds your DD’s behaviour annoying.

CherryColaNiceToKnowYa · 30/11/2025 09:46

Hello OP I don’t have any advice but just wanted to say you sound like a wonderful mum and your daughter sounds like an awesome, vibrant child. We’re all different and it’s beautiful that she feels free to be her brightest self with you all. She sounds like the kind of person who will go on to live a fun and full life. My father didn’t always get me, neither did one of my brothers but my mum and other siblings did and that was enough 🩷

mrstrickland · 30/11/2025 09:47

She sounds amazing to me! Tell her to never change😁

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