Partner won’t change Trust

[LindsayAnn97]

Hello am I being unreasonable to want my partner to change his trust for our son and myself?
For context we have been living together for 5 years and have a 2 year old together. We live in his property and he rents another couple out. All in his name. I was working full time and contributing but since my maternity leave ended I went back to uni which I am currently still doing. I don’t have access to free childcare as my partner earns over the threshold and we don’t have family close by. I am not on the deeds to his property and he does not want to get married. Currently his trust is to benefit his “family” but our son and myself are not mentioned. He has no life insurance either. I find this quite irresponsible as it’s one thing to not look after myself if he passed away unexpectedly but it’s another not to look after our son. It’s the principle of it that bothers me I want to protect his inheritance. Is there anyone that has experience a similar issue? Any advice would be great!

Have you considered getting married?

I love to but my partner isn’t interested.

OP said he doesn’t want to marry.

You're between a rock and a hard place then. Could you have a frank conversation about how his lack of consideration makes you feel and that he has a son to provide for, even if he chooses to ignore you, which, of course, he shouldn’t.

You’re in a vulnerable position OP and I think you should consider starting to put some savings away, just in case. How much longer do you have at university?

Buy your own life insurance

He’s put you in an untenable position. It is entirely unreasonable to refuse to enter into a legal relationship, even if it does not contain the word ‘marriage’ while procreating and cohabiting. Were it to come to it (hopefully not of course) then the circumstances outlined would in any event result in him having financial liabilities to his child (of course), but also, importantly, to you. Having it codified in a document just makes it simpler and reduces the stress, quite apart from it being fair. He won’t just be able to up sticks and financially walk away, legally that is.

Definitely get your own life insurance, first and foremost.

As you’re not married (and family wealth is probably a big factor in why he’s not interested) you need to make sure you’re working at least part time for contributions reasons because he has ZERO obligations to you.

Hopefully he is making arrangements for your child, but he’s not under any obligation to share those plans with you either. It may all be drafted, notarised and filed with a lawyer, you just don’t know.

But please make sure you’re protecting yourself, you have a solid career path from your degree and that you’re not leaving yourself vulnerable.

And this is the reason why women should not have children without a marriage contract.

Why can’t you take out insurance on his life? You can do that. You know it doesn’t have to be him. You have a child together you live with him. You have insurable interest.

He’s got you over a barrel…. If he won’t marry you then you’ve got 2 choices….either leave the relationship or put up with it.
People will say leave him… but it’s not always that easy is it?
What does a solicitor say?

A good idea. But , this won't help the OP if her partner dies though... I think that's her concern.

This 😀 take out insurance on him and pay for it yourself. Of course, the life insured must consent to the policy.

That’s my main concern, it’s not as if he’s in ill health or anything but if he did fall ill or unexpectedly passed I don’t even know how I would pay the mortgages or anything for that matter. He won’t even tell me his salary 🤷🏼‍♀️ I just want peace of mind that I would be able to live in the family home. A friend of mines partner passed away and they didn’t have children but it just puts everything in perspective.

You're not married and you live in his property, your financial situation is precarious. He could kick you out of the property any time.

If he doesn't want to marry, you need your own financial security. You need to be working and saving for a deposit on your own home. Don't rely on him as he's obviously not bothered about making sure you and your son are financially secure.

You wouldn't pay the mortgage if he died, its that simple. It's his house, it would go to his next of kin or whoever he has on his will/trust for them to decide what to do with.

If he isn't prepared to marry the mother of his child or make sure his child is provided for in the event of his death, are you sure you want to be with that kind of man? He could get bored with you and kick you out and you wouldn't have a leg to stand on.

Unfortunately you’re in a position where you won’t have any rights to stay in the family home. Even if your DC inherits the money, your partner might have it tied up until they’re an adult.

Do you have financial means of your own at all or are you fully supported by him at the moment? How long is left on your degree? Do you have any additional things to do to establish your career once you graduate (professional qualifications /licenses/ traineeships etc.) or will you be able to go right into a graduate job?

I think you should assume if he died that you wouldn't be able to stay in that house. Is the trust for wider family? Who are the beneficiaries?

I hope the university course you are doing will provide good career prospects as you need to get a job and put money aside for your own independence. He needs to share childcare costs. You should not pay any mortgage on the properties you don't own.

Ask him what he thinks yours and his child's life would be like if he met with a tragic accident.

If he is dead set on not marrying or putting you on the Deeds of your home insist he takes care of your child's security by taking out life insurance that names you and makes a will that names his child. Tell him he could leave the house to his Dc but give you a life interest - maybe until the Dc is 21, so that you stay in the house?

As soon as you are back earning save save save to create your own security.

I hope he is paying for childcare??

If he dies his son will have a claim on his estate, I would think. You would surely be his son’s guardian, so be able to use the assets allocated to his son to pay for accommodation. But it will never be a home you own, at best your son would own it.

Instead of telling him what you want, ask him what his plans are should there be a tragedy. What provision has he made for his child? He may have a plan. It may be a plan you don’t like.
Alternatively, he may have given it insufficient thought and this will kick him up the bum.

Also, investigate what CMS you could expect if you left. Bear in mind, if he goes for 50/50 there won’t be much if any.

I am currently doing a dentistry degree and I am still in my first year.
I am trying to put together a list of questions to have a frank conversation with him.
so far I have questions regarding.
Will and trust information, how to access this.
Who will make decisions in event of ill health.
How would I financially look after our child in the event of ill health or death.
What is his salary?
Will we enter a legal relationship at all?
Am I named as his next of kin or beneficiary?
How will I look after our property for our son?

is there anything else I should add? Should I change this in anyway?
Many thanks 🙏🏼

I'm sorry OP but this man is not your partner. You are just someone he is letting live in his house and he does not care about you.
If he did, he would either marry you, or put legal arrangements in place to create a life together with you as a family with shared assets and interests.

Just out of interest was your child with him planned, was this something he actively wanted?

It's not your property OP if you aren't on the deeds and you aren't married. You literally have no claim to it at all.

So does he have no will at all? Because in that case your son would inherit everything if he died, in trust until he becomes an adult. You would be able to access the estate to pay for your son's living costs.

If he has a will saying otherwise that's a different matter.

Of course his refusal to discuss specifically leaving anything to you doesn't say much for how he sees you.

You're actually in a more vulnerable position in terms of potentially splitting up. That would leave you in a very precarious position as you'll only be entitled to child support.

You need to get to the bottom of exactly why he doesn’t want you to know anything about the family finances.

I'm amazed he won't even offer any guarantees for his child, if not for you.

I would start praying (at this point this is as good as anything else) he lives long enough for you to complete your studies and set yourself up, then leave him. He's obviously not invested in your long term security at all.

I'd try and rephrase some of it because at the moment it sounds very money orientated and grabby (rightly or wrongly).

You need to ask how his son will he provided for in the event of his death. Not whether you are beneficiary or next of kin. Not how you access his money or what his salary is. He'll clam up and run for the hills if you start asking about how you get this or that or what's in it for you.

There's a reason he hasn't married you, or made you any form of beneficiary and my guess is it's all down to being his family money.