Partner won’t change Trust

[LindsayAnn97]

Hello am I being unreasonable to want my partner to change his trust for our son and myself?
For context we have been living together for 5 years and have a 2 year old together. We live in his property and he rents another couple out. All in his name. I was working full time and contributing but since my maternity leave ended I went back to uni which I am currently still doing. I don’t have access to free childcare as my partner earns over the threshold and we don’t have family close by. I am not on the deeds to his property and he does not want to get married. Currently his trust is to benefit his “family” but our son and myself are not mentioned. He has no life insurance either. I find this quite irresponsible as it’s one thing to not look after myself if he passed away unexpectedly but it’s another not to look after our son. It’s the principle of it that bothers me I want to protect his inheritance. Is there anyone that has experience a similar issue? Any advice would be great!

This. You and your son are but lodgers in his home. It's an appalling way to treat you.You need to build your own financial security as quickly as possible.
I'd be tempted to move out get your own mortgage as soon as possible, and claim maintenance payments from him. Not easy, I know...

People have to opt in to having legal protections, with a marriage contract. You currently don't have any and he could remove you from his property at any time he wants.
As PP have said you urgently need to secure your own property and financial independence, give the boyfriend as much consideration as he has to you
Here's a citizens advice link
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/

Of course he likes them otherwise he'd kick them out.

He just doesn't care enough or love them enough to want to give them any security.

Right now he's got a woman giving him sex, taking care of his child and no doubt cooking and cleaning while he's out earning an amount of money that he refuses to disclose.

What's not to like?

My questions would be:

Should he meet with a tragic accident where does he think you and your child would live
And how would you support his child?
Does he have life insurance? And are you the beneficiary.
Has he made a Will? Is your child the beneficiary?
If his child is the beneficiary is there provision for you to remain on the home with a life interest / until your child is 21 or whatever
Are you named as Next of Kin on his medical records - who would make decisions about his health, funeral etc?
Is his refusal to marry based in not wanting his assets to be at risk should you split?
Would he consider marriage with a pre-nup?

and

Does he love you?

Was the decision to do your Dentistry degree supported by him? Has he agreed to support you for the duration?

I can't see a future with this man, he doesn't seem to consider you or your child's future.
It seems to be about him being a tight fisted git imo. He doesn't want you to get your mitts on the properties or investments should you marry and divorce.
I'd be looking to leave and setting up on my own with my kid.

If he's supporting you to train as a dentist I would risk staying until you are qualified. Then as soon as you can get your own mortgage, buy a property either to live in or as an investment. You need to be your own security. Don't put a penny into his property either.

OP, your son would have a claim on his estate and as he’s a dependent, it would highly likely be successful. That’s assuming he has a will that does not benefit any children.

If he has no will, your son inherits everything, in trust until he’s an adult. The trustees will be able to release funds for his benefit such as school fees etc.

But, he’s no partner to you if he won’t even tell you how much he earns.

So generally people think someone should include a girlfriend of 5 years into a family trustfund? Really?
Absolutely his child needs to be included but no I don't think you should be unless you are married , that would be reckless of him.
But when your having children with someone that is clearly wealthy these things need to be fully discussed and understood before a child is born.

Will be 4 more years. Then a foundation training year. That’s too long to not have security for OPs son imo.

As long as the twat is on the birth certificate…

Personally I don't think this, but thoroughly agree such matters should be discussed before having children

Unfortunately some women still just see what appears to be a wealthy man and believe they have it made, wilfully closing their eyes to the rest

Why would you have to pay "the mortgages", they are nothing to do with you. You would, however, be homeless which is pretty shit.

I'd leave him personally. He's not all in the relationship.

Imagine a parent not wanting to make sure his child and partner aren't protected in the event of his death?

Sorry but I think his message is very clear & strong. He's not concerned about you/your child's futures & he's really not into this relationship or family OP.

Can you honestly imagine this man doing equal childcare and housework?

You wouldn't need to pay the mortgage after his death OP - the properties will belong to his heirs which sounds like is not you or his child, and you will have to move out.

This

Well, quite. I just find it quite depressing so many women find themselves in this situation

It makes me both cross and sad when women put themselves in such a vulnerable position. Why oh why would a woman have a child with a man that won't marry them, will not make provision for them and won't even tell them their salary? Surely you get all that in place before you get pregnant? What happens if the man decides he doesn't want to be a partner or dad anymore and literally kicks the woman out? And the woman has absolutely no means to support themself and their child. It happens, it's well known that it happens, why, why why put yourself in that tenuous position? Because you think your man is a "good man" and would never let you down?

It sounds as if he’s not bothered about his child’s welfare, which is very concerning.

Do you have family who could help you get sorted out if you break up or something happens to him? Honestly, I’d assume that this relationship isn’t going to last and make a contingency plan for when you break up. Once you’re qualified, you’ll be fine, but you need an exit plan if it happens before then.

Agree. Focus on that, and don't have any more DC during that time. You can get life insurance out that would pay you if he dies, so do that too.

What's the background to your relationship? I'm trying to figure out how two people with such different financial opinions get to the point of having a child together.

Prepare for these questions to be fired back at you too. What provisions have you made for your child? What insurance have you taken out? What did you bring to this relationship in terms of assets? Are you giving him access to your assets? How do you plan to fund your child's life as you're not working? Put yourself in his position - he's rightly going to query all this if you are querying him.

I'm in two minds about this. I'm on his side when it comes to what provisions he's made for you. He's accrued all these assets before you came along and you chose to have a child with him knowing this and without a marriage certificate. It's a bit late to challenge this now. However, I would expect him to make provisions for his child. But if you don't know about his insurance and trusts etc, how do you know he hasn't?

He need make provision for his child
He is not Not compelled to make provision for you. Evidently he doesn’t want to marry you. Out of interest has he always been clear that marriage wasn’t on cards? Or was he vague about marriage
So you I recommend you need to FT work on graduation (for career progression and security) and he proportionally jointly pay for the childcare

He won't even disclose what he earns? This is very bad news.

I hope he's very good in bed at least because he sounds like piece of work otherwise.

Me too.

It sounds as though he's not even prepared to ensure the future financial security of his child, unless he's made provision in a will and is keeping quiet about it.

And if he's letting the OP worry when he's made provision, he's an utter shit and I'd definitely leave him.