Partner won’t change Trust

[LindsayAnn97]

Hello am I being unreasonable to want my partner to change his trust for our son and myself?
For context we have been living together for 5 years and have a 2 year old together. We live in his property and he rents another couple out. All in his name. I was working full time and contributing but since my maternity leave ended I went back to uni which I am currently still doing. I don’t have access to free childcare as my partner earns over the threshold and we don’t have family close by. I am not on the deeds to his property and he does not want to get married. Currently his trust is to benefit his “family” but our son and myself are not mentioned. He has no life insurance either. I find this quite irresponsible as it’s one thing to not look after myself if he passed away unexpectedly but it’s another not to look after our son. It’s the principle of it that bothers me I want to protect his inheritance. Is there anyone that has experience a similar issue? Any advice would be great!

This. The Trust is the least of it. He's not a partner and gets all the benefits of a 'wife' and child without having to share anything. He's selfish and gives no shits about you and your DC's security, only about himself and what's his. You were unwise to have a DC with a man like that and extremely optimistic to expect him to change at this point when he's got what he wanted anyway and has no need or motivation to give you anything. Definitely don't contribute any more to his property and use the money to provide for yourself and your son when you're inevitably going to need it because this guy is not going to be your safety net.

Exactly this

What beggars belief is that it's not as if these potential issues aren't well known, and STILL women take the risk - and not just for themselves but the children too

He benefits from a trust, knows the rules and uses the fact that your are uninformed to fob you off? Once you mentioned getting married, if he was honourable and loving he would have had a conversation with you on how to protect your and your shared DC's interests. 100% intentional if he didn't and your current position is wholly dependent on him continuing to allow you to live in his house.

If he dies and you are not on the property deeds, you won’t be required to pay them. However, the executor of his estate/will would then be able to formally evict you. Unless your son is explicitly excluded I believe he is entitled to a share of your DP’s estate by law (an expert will be along to correct me) but you might have to tae them to court to get it.

Does he have other children and are they named beneficiaries? Will he not consider giving you and lifetime interest in the main property so that you have a home until you die and it then reverts to any children he has? Including DS?

I think you need to consider building up a career and nest egg of your own - putting DC into nursery if you have to, paid for by bank of DP, and start planning to either move out and get on the property ladder yourself, or getting a BTL property that you operate on the side and is protected from yourself and your son. I’d definitely see legal advice on your position.

Afraid your DP doesn’t sound like a kind and caring man…

It certainly is. Why do people sleepwalk into this situation? It's only really "just a piece of paper" as these men so often quote if both parties come into a relationship with roughly equal assets, or there are various legal setups (more easily achieved by marriage anyway).

As others have said - best option is take advantage of living in his home and him covering most of the expenses to get your degree and set yourself up for the future. With or without this bloke in it.

I can’t believe any trust just has “family” as the beneficiaries. Any decent lawyer would not allow that. Has your partner got other children. At the moment you and your child are completely exposed. You need to clarify what the exact position is for the trust and if you are not satisfied that you will have some protection then you know how he feels about you. Do you have family that can support you during your studies?

If he decides you need to leave, you’re fucked, never mind if he dies. You’ve allowed yourself to get into an incredibly precarious situation and are extremely vulnerable.

Does he support his DC on a day to day basis, contribute to their needs?

At the very least he should definitely make provisions for his DC.

Do you contribute to the household expenses?

He doesn't and shouldn't have to put you on the deeds.
Scout through threads on MN and you'll see a good few where women are told, in no uncertain terms not to add their man unless they marry.

Claim the child benefit and he will have to pay it back through tax returns. You need it for your own NI credit.

Does your DC have your name at all @LindsayAnn97 ? I hope so.

As others have said - best option is take advantage of living in his home and him covering most of the expenses to get your degree and set yourself up for the future. With or without this bloke in it.

This.

You will need saving as at any time he can ask you to leave his house - so you'd need a plan for that as well. I don't think he see you as his partner so I doubt he'd answer any of your questions.

He's utterly selfish.

A relative and her partner intended to marry - they'd been together for about 20 years and had a child.

When the child was about 9, the partner died unexpectedly. He'd not got round to making a will and the relative was left in a world of excrement - he'd divorced many years previously and his ex went after the house and his pension.

It was sorted out in court, but it took a while and caused a great deal of stress. The relative was able to prove that only she had paid for the house and the pension was awarded to her child as her partner's only dependent.

I did once ask why he'd not made a will: "We didn't expect anything to happen."

I would leave him. I could not continue to be in a relationship with someone who thought so little of me.

Exactly. The OP sounds shocked to find herself in this position. But at the end of the day she chose to procreate with a man who clearly had no intention of doing right by her or their son. Yes he's a selfish dick, but he offered her a pile of diddly squat and she knowingly accepted it.

I'm confused why you have called him irresponsible. You have been the irresponsible one in this situation.

Honestly I would bide your time, get your degree and start working and then leave.

A man who out earns his partner and refuses to give her or his child any basic legal protections is not a good person to build a life with. He doesn’t respect you and doesn’t have his child’s interests at heart.

How long until you expect to finish your degree?

How has he put her in an untenable position? Surely she has had a say over her situation, and the choices she has made to end up in it? And it was ultimately her choice to have children, and her responsibility to make sure she was in a secure position to do so.
A fair and decent man would of course want this for his partner and the mother of his children, but it is the women’s responsibility to ensure she is protected before having children.

I would imagine that his parents or grandparents have given him assets for tax purposes, but they are the beneficiaries if he dies unexpectedly. Outside those assets, he could certainly name you and your son as beneficiaries of his pension, death in service etc. He could also carve out the house you live in and leave that to you and your son.

you need to financially look after yourself

look at getting a house/money/savings - if you had to walk away tomorrow - can you?

I have never understood people who have children with someone/not married and yet financially depend on them- if he splits with you, you are royally screwed

These are all questions you should have been asking BEFORE you chose to have a child with this man.

There is absolutely no reason why he should or would want to change anything because he already has what he wants.

I also doubt a man who owns multiple properties and hasn't even told you his salary has shown you his will, and I don't think any solicitor would draw it up with the beneficiary being named 'family'.

Get your degree, get a job and start saving for yourself, he isn't going to change.

Yes your son is his family. There’s no such thing as illegitimacy in English law for such purposes (it hangs on for hereditary peerages in their letters patent but that’s not relevant here). It’s a bad will to not specify and could open up a court case for a judge to determine what proportion different relatives get, but it could easily be an expensive route that ends with the entire estate being awarded to his dependant son. Who are the trustees of the trust?

OP, your situation is this. He can tell you to leave this afternoon and you have no comeback. You are not named on the deeds of your home and have no rights.

The only thing you would be entitled to from him is child maintenance, and then only if he didn't want 50:50 custody.

Get your degree, find a job and start prioritising your finances before you find yourself on the street.

You ca may get a charging order put on the property you live in without owning it. You’d need legal advice.

This. Every time this.

sorry my typing went awry and I wrote the wrong thing. It’s a dependency order or declaratory order.

I’m honestly baffled that you’re living and having children with someone that you don’t even know so much as his salary. Everything just seems really high risk - how old are you?