Partner won’t change Trust

[LindsayAnn97]

Hello am I being unreasonable to want my partner to change his trust for our son and myself?
For context we have been living together for 5 years and have a 2 year old together. We live in his property and he rents another couple out. All in his name. I was working full time and contributing but since my maternity leave ended I went back to uni which I am currently still doing. I don’t have access to free childcare as my partner earns over the threshold and we don’t have family close by. I am not on the deeds to his property and he does not want to get married. Currently his trust is to benefit his “family” but our son and myself are not mentioned. He has no life insurance either. I find this quite irresponsible as it’s one thing to not look after myself if he passed away unexpectedly but it’s another not to look after our son. It’s the principle of it that bothers me I want to protect his inheritance. Is there anyone that has experience a similar issue? Any advice would be great!

My daughter went through this. But only one child. And they broke up.

House got split 50/50. After a battle.

We the grandparents now run a Trust for the wee lass as dd can't afford savings & The Feckless Wonder does nothing.

However, the dad is now with another woan in another house. No child though. I wonder what his new partner thinks re Wills & inheritances.

PS In Scotland.

PPS We took legal advice. Be wary if JISAs & Bare Trusts law should the child die. You won't like who might take over the funds.

Sure, he can write a will.

And write another one the following week to change it and not tell her

As an intelligent woman, I can’t believe you had a child with a man who loves himself and money so much more than you. You’ve made yourself very vulnerable by not insisting on marriage or a legal agreement/ name in deeds before having the child.
Give him a deadline to put your name on the deeds… I bet he won’t and then you know everything you need to know about this ‘man’ and his love for you both.

I think at this point any trust you might have had in him would be gone... he could placate you, agree with everything you say and still do nothing.
I agree with a PP.. do your training, get your qualifications and then a job & save up enough for yourself & your son to leave.
Grab copies of any paperwork you find during this time, and play the long game...
What are the rest of his family like?

He's not your partner.
Whose idea was it to have a child exactly and why?

Either way, a disaster for you.
Is he really prepared to fund your degree?
You are in a really precarious position.

I think you just need to have open eyes. He doesn't want to be financially connected to you, for now and maybe forever. He's probably heard scare stories about men marrying and losing a lot of money in divorce. He's got three houses, a family trust and you've been together 5 years. You can see it would be a lot to lose.

So that's him. Your choice is what you do. I wouldn't be paying rent or bills if he can afford it easily, build up a fund of your own in case it all goes to pot. If he's supporting you through your degree, that's something. You need a plan for if he turns around and says leave, whether now or in 10, 20 or 30 years time.

I think separate finances can work but don't be naive and protect your own interests.

Exactly, and this is what a relationship should be - a team, regardless of whether it’s the man or the woman who’s better off financially (although let’s face it, in most cases it’s the woman who’s worse off due to having children).

Even though you’re not married your son will be classed as his family, so will inherit! It’s very clear he says his trust is to benefit his family!

Good advice, @Haroldwilson.

Does he have a wife and kids separate to you both? I ask because his behaviour is so strange - who else would his trust benefit if not his child?! He is not a partner to you at all. I would seek legal advice on the sort of support you might received if you split as that might be a better option than what is going on atm.

I don't think wasting money on legal advice is a good idea, she can look up how much money her child would get in maintenance on the CMS website.

Your partner is hardly a partner, but why oh why did you have a child, and give up work, and make yourself so vulnerable?

It's not the 19th century. Women are allowed to work, earn & keep their own money, buy their own house, and require a partner to be an actual partner.

He's a dick, but you're a bit of an idiot.

I don’t have access to free childcare as my partner earns over the threshold

Don’t you mean ‘WE don’t have access to free childcare’? childcare is as much his responsibility as it is yours.

Yes...

This also meams he's earning over 100k

It's highly unlikely that the trust names the beneficiaries as "my family" if this is in England as trust beneficiaries have to be named- either specifically named, or clearly identifiable "eg biological children of [name]. Did he set this trust up or is it a family trust of which he's also currently a beneficiary? If so it's possible that your son may be a beneficiary as a direct descendant but you won't be.

You have no right to his money. He's been very clear and honest about that.

Just curious OP: would you advocate him leaving nothing to his firstborn?

He won’t even tell me his salary 🤷🏼‍♀️
Fuck me... this is SO wrong

In a normal, balanced relationship yes, but if OP's ever given the impression of being attracted to him for his money I can just about see why he wouldn't disclose all his finances - after all it's what we advise women to do if they're in the better position and have taken in a man with much less who's pushing for commitment

As for "having a straight conversation with him" and "making sure he does 50% of the housework/chilcare", I expect OP's twigged that this could ensure an ever quicker departure for her, which reduces her options even further

If he refused to get married you should have refused to bear his child.

You've left yourself and your son in a very vulnerable situation, and your partner knows it. He is unlikely to give up his power now.

So you face a life of sticking it out, constantly vulnerable and probably being left a pauper after his death. Or leaving and breaking your sons family up.

Good luck.

This kind of happened to a friend. She had a son and the property they were living in was attached to partners job. He then got ill and passed in six months. They married in hospital and friends rallied round to help raise money to pay off a mortgage and she is now raising their son and has his pension payments. You're in an unbelievably vulnerable position.

The main question is what provision is he making to raise your son if he dies.

Then more than likely you'd need to get married to make that easier.

This. In a nutshell.

And our dd's partner did leg it. She' now in gone from living in a lovely modern new build to a 50s 2 bed mid-terrace. Though with a gorgeous child.

And I bet his new woman is sweating over this issue too though they are childless & he has no Trust that we know of. Wish that he did in our case - other side of the fence.

Sorry OP, I haven't had time to read all the replies, so I'll ask this (just in case someone else hasn't)

"Currently his trust is to benefit his “family” but our son and myself are not mentioned."

What do you mean by that? Are his properties held in a Trust? If so, who are the trustees? And, it would be very unusual for the Trust documents not to state what happens in the event of his death.

@Wildbushlady Why will the OP be a pauper when she’s a dentist? She’ll be fine once she’s qualified, it’s the next five years that she’s financially vulnerable.

He has a moral and legal duty to not disinherit his first son by dint of a second family.

Where are people getting this other 'first born son' stuff from? I've re-read OP's posts and she doesn't mention that he's been married or had other kids before. You could assume it's a possibility as he's reluctant to marry now, but I'm not seeing any facts about it. The mention of the trust going to his 'family' is more likely the suggestion some have made that it's his family (e.g. parents) who made the trust for him and it will revert to them if anything happens to him.

So Debbie McGee, what first attracted you to multi-millionaire Paul Daniels...