Partner won’t change Trust

[LindsayAnn97]

Hello am I being unreasonable to want my partner to change his trust for our son and myself?
For context we have been living together for 5 years and have a 2 year old together. We live in his property and he rents another couple out. All in his name. I was working full time and contributing but since my maternity leave ended I went back to uni which I am currently still doing. I don’t have access to free childcare as my partner earns over the threshold and we don’t have family close by. I am not on the deeds to his property and he does not want to get married. Currently his trust is to benefit his “family” but our son and myself are not mentioned. He has no life insurance either. I find this quite irresponsible as it’s one thing to not look after myself if he passed away unexpectedly but it’s another not to look after our son. It’s the principle of it that bothers me I want to protect his inheritance. Is there anyone that has experience a similar issue? Any advice would be great!

She doesn’t pay it does she? Her post asks how she’d pay it if he died, so presumably he’s the one who makes monthly payments

I took out life insurance on my husband he didnt have to do anything you can do that and and just put your email address down for his contact. He does know about it but is just rubbish at admin so I just organised it myself .

No one should get married unless they want to

If marriage is important to one partner, they should find someone else who wants to marry

How does this work though, as my own life insurance recently involved a battery of health assessments including full access to my medical records and a nurses visit to do tests.

That’s how they decided how likely I was to die soon so they could quote a £ per month to insure my life.

without contact with the insured how do they know he isn’t a 100 a day smoker with genetic bowel cancer and a previous heart attack? No one would want to insure that.

You'd think so wouldn't you?

But some women - and we've no way of knowing if OP's one of them - don't think that far, instead just seeing the pound signs, insisting what a "good guy" they are and hoping for the best

Sad really, but it's a choice and not always a good one

Edited to add he's not "put her" in any position, @HamptonPlace; she's done that all by herself, unless perhaps he promised marriage and then reneged, and there's nothing to suggest that
And even then it's open to women to wait until the marriage actually transpires before bringing children into a deeply unstable situation

They don't find themselves in this situation.

They PUT themselves in it.

You won't have to make the mortgage payments any more than the next door neighbour would have to make them. The property is nothing to do with you, so stop worrying about that.

Ask him more about the Trust-some one will be named in that and you do need to find out who that is.

Is he supporting you financially while you study? If he is, are you confident he will keep doing so and, if you are, it might be worth sticking around until you have qualified and can show him your heels. At least you will have got your education out of him.

Make sure that you don't fall pregnant again with him unless and until he marries you.

Completely agree that women should not have a baby without the security of marriage if it could leave them vulnerable - I said as much earlier in the thread.

I find it very concerning that OP thinks she'd be paying the mortgage on this house! Not unless she buys it off the beneficiary of his estate...

It's quite unusual to need a nurse visit and further tests unless you disclose something concerning in the initial questionnaire e.g. high blood pressure, long period signed off work, or that you had a mole investigated recently. Most of the time you fill in the questionnaire and can pay then and there.

It's not true to say that the person "doesn't have to do anything" though. They have to provide their medical information and sign to give permission. I find @Eroll 's post confusing unless she means she filled in a policy in his name on his behalf and put her email address which is quite different!

This...

But it's a truth no one wants to hear.

If you told him that you would like to get married would this change his mind ?
Say that you want to be a family and have the same name etc etc.
My sister's husband passed away within 3 weeks of becoming unwell. This not only caused distress and a tremendous amount of grief but very difficult financial situation was the result.
With young children on top of that plus the death of his parents within 6 months of this and they had not made a will , so finances were dealt with so that only her husband's siblings benefitted.
So a loss of 3 family members who were very close to her children , and my sister having to get 2 jobs.
He needs to sort this ASAP , next time he tells you that he loves you , tell him to prove it and sort the situation out .
Good luck.

If it's in a trust she won't even be able to do that.

OP, you seriously need to start trying to understand the situation you are in.

Buy your own life insurance on your DP and invest heavily in your Isa and pension.

How can she "invest heavily" in anything, she has no income?

You would be homeless as the properties are not yours, hes a clever man hes made a will it sounds like you are not in it but his family will be and they will want you out that house asap, you need to speak to him and if he wont speak there is your answer, he has no responsibility to house you if he dies but to leave his child homeless is terrible

Why did you have a child before completing your degree? You are in a very vulnerable position, whether your partner is alive or dead.

Does he have any other children?

The trust is likely to carry on even if he dies. If most of his assets are in the trust, there may be very little for anybody to inherit. Hopefully, your son is a beneficiary of the trust. Without seeing the trust accounts it would be difficult to know which assets he actually owns and which ones are held by the trust. So seeing a copy of his will tells you very little.

If he wanted to provide you with financial security or make you aware of his financial situation he would have done do by now. I wouldn't ask questions now and risk rocking the boat. You must get through that dentistry course. It would be much harder to do as a single mother responsible for almost all childcare, rent, food, utilities and so on and people advising you to storm off for the single life as a dentistry student with a baby in tow are not being realistic. The dentistry degree will set you up financially.

This is not politically correct but in the meantime I'd be sweetness and light to him and try to keep your looks up - no slopping round the house in ancient sweatshirts and baggy leggings with messy hair. You are utterly dependent on his goodwill. I'd be being super careful about contraception. By the time you've finished your degree your child should be at school and easier to manage. Then I would leave him without a backward glance.

Just a thought, but the many suggestions about staying to complete the course and save up rather overlook the possibility of the DP finding himself someone else and wrecking the whole plan beecause he wants to move them in

IME men who feel they've met their partner for life don't often have issues with committing; where they won't it's often because they'd rather keep their options open, and 3 to 4 years sounds an awfully long time to spend "playing nice" for the sake of a roof over OP's head

Another possibility is that the op did not choose to get pregnant here.

There are a number of different types of trust. It may be the case that he couldn’t change it, even if he were of a mind to.

Both my husband and I are beneficiaries of family trust funds, and it isn’t within either of our power to change what is laid out in said trusts or alter them in any way. That we are married is irrelevant. Benefiting from a trust and/or being able to utilize assets owned by it is not the same thing as having control over it.

@Puzzledandpissedoff Yes, the OP needs a back up plan in case the relationship fails before she qualifies.

If she has a supportive family, I’d advise being open with them about the situation. If my DD was in this position, for example, I’d help her and my GC get sorted out if he kicks them out.

There is no medical issue with either of us- we were told it was because we’re over 40.

the policy I have on my ex is a whole life assurance policy! It pays out regardless up to the age of 99. It is also medically underwritten for life.

How much does it cost you?!? I must be massively overpaying for mine 😭