Partner won’t change Trust

[LindsayAnn97]

Hello am I being unreasonable to want my partner to change his trust for our son and myself?
For context we have been living together for 5 years and have a 2 year old together. We live in his property and he rents another couple out. All in his name. I was working full time and contributing but since my maternity leave ended I went back to uni which I am currently still doing. I don’t have access to free childcare as my partner earns over the threshold and we don’t have family close by. I am not on the deeds to his property and he does not want to get married. Currently his trust is to benefit his “family” but our son and myself are not mentioned. He has no life insurance either. I find this quite irresponsible as it’s one thing to not look after myself if he passed away unexpectedly but it’s another not to look after our son. It’s the principle of it that bothers me I want to protect his inheritance. Is there anyone that has experience a similar issue? Any advice would be great!

He's not going to answer those questions because he sees himself as a single man, which in effect he is.

If I had £1 for every MNetter who's effectively given their partner a 'marriage' without all the legal protection that comes with it, I'd have more money than he may or may not earn.

You've moved in, you've given him a child, why would he want to risk a legal marriage now?

Who would be the beneficiaries under the term "family"? Surely that would cover your son at the least.

As others has pointed out its not a family home it is his property which you just happen to live in.

He is clearly telling your and showing you that he sees you as someone he has sex without being willing to offer any long term links so a mistress /kept woman rather than wife.

You need to organise your life on the basis that his assets will never be yours nor your childs. I would look at how your money is being used within the household and benchmark it against what would you be paying for if your were a lone parent and renting? I would be looking at where you are making payments which benefit his estate and remove your ability to build up assets

Is he providing financial support to you at the moment for Uni and other living expenses? What is your priposed career path will it provide you with an ability to build up assets?

And dont discount him becomming unwell. If he was to have an accident/ a stroke etc loose capacity and be placed in a care home who is his next-of-kin who would manage his financial assets? Why would you be allowed to live in his property for free if it could be sold or rented to generate income for care fees?

I suggest that you need to work out what you need to do to plan for your future and what you can actually do and see where the gaps are.

Only then can you have that hard discussion on what his plans are and why he thinks he has no obligation to include you in them and no duty as a father to plan for his child.

Dentistry is a long time studying. Is he helping you fund you? Are you living rent free etc in which case you are already benefitting

but you need to be able to discuss what would happen in the event of I) death - where will your son live, how would he be provided for and 2) what would happen in the event of separation.

those two might be different end results but both of you should be able to discuss as a partnership and come to agreement

This, unfortunately.

You have zero leverage. You and he are, legally, no more related than the last stranger you passed on the street.

As pp said, you need to urgently sort out your own affairs on the assumption he won’t ever be sharing assets. He could order you out tomorrow and legally you would have to leave the house.

Do you have parents or other family?

You aren’t married so aren’t family however your son is his son Presumably so the will should include him. He’s right his money and business is his own so maybe it’s time you built yours and he pays half of the bills for his son

Op, he's telling you what he thinks of your relationship and his son. Listen to him.

This man views and treats you as a subordinate, he doesn't see himself as your partner more like your boss. You need a good plan op.

If he was a good man, even if he didnt want to get married, or put you obviously the mortgage, he would have been talking to you openly and be worried about your financial security, has he shown any concern for your financial security at all?

This all day long.

More than a subordinate I believe he's treating her as a "flatmate with benefits". I'm pretty sure she's cleaning, washing his socks, taking care if HIS child and all the perks that come with having a flatmate doing all this free labour for you.

Op he doesnt like you or your son, hes made it clear by his behaviour. He would see you and your son out on the streets. Leave him.

Hasn’t that been illegal since Victorian times?

You're not married, you live in his house, you have a child together, and he won't even tell you how much he earns?! Why on earth are you even with this guy??

In your circumstances I would find my own accommodation, your UNI should help with this, claim everything I was entitled to, subsidised childcare the lot and be a single parent. In 3 or 4 years time, you will be a qualified dentist and will not have trouble finding employment. Your son will be older, your life will be easier.
Your alternative is playing mum and housekeeper and bedwarmer for a man who doesn’t care about you and your son enough to make sure you would be ok in the event of his death. This will still be your circumstances in 3 or 4 years time if you don’t take control of your own life and make changes that will benefit you and your child.

OP - you decided to have a child in your current set-up, so hoping he'll have a change of mind on marrying you is unrealistic.
Before you speak to him - I'd speak to a lawyer to understand what your child's right are regarding the "family" trust and your partner's property.
After you know the facts - I'd have a conversation about his responsibility for child's wellbeing.

But mostly - I'd focus on your studies and qualifications. I'd make sure partner does his share of child-care and not relies solely on you, so you can dedicate time to your studies. I'd put away as much money as I could when I started working, so save for the future. And I'd not have any more kids with him, unless he decided to actually commit to the relationship.

I

No of course not, you can take out insurance on someone you have insurance interest in. They need to give permission but yes of course you can.

You “just want peace of mind?” You will never have that with this (so called) partner. He doesn’t give a shit about you or his child. No one who did would watch his lover go through pregnancy, labour, childbirth snd two years of the child’s life and not be willing to marry you to create security.

Even if you can she pays the premiums and what? Hopes he dies and it pays off?

She pays the premium, he dies and she gets the payout yes

I have a life policy that I pay for my ex…if he dies I am the beneficiary. I am the policy holder…

I don’t have access to free childcare as my partner earns over the threshold and we don’t have family close by.

I noticed this from your OP. Surely he pays for childcare as you're not working. Or at least pays his share. You don't pay childcare alone do you?

No, OP’s son would not inherit everything if there is no will. The existing family trust will be outside the scope of OP’s partner’s estate - any residual will go to son (assuming there to be other children he may have or any undivorced wife in the background!)

Doesn’t seem like he sees you as a partner or values his own child as his son. I wouldn’t stay in a relationship like this. You’re convenient but only on his terms.

This. I think the most important thing now is to concentrate on your studies so you can ultimately have a good, full time career and provide for yourself. In the meantime he does equal childcare, housework etc. Once you're qualified then he continues to do equal childcare and you save save save for your own property that you buy for yourself. He is not your friend in this situation - if something happens to him or if the relationship breaks down you will have nothing and no right to stay in your home. Not a sausage.