Husband asking I stop bringing in 3 yo into bed for this reason

[PlumCath]

Dh is currently on lates at work. This means he will often come home when I am asleep.

Coincidentally my 3 yo son has started regressing with his sleep. I often end up bringing him to bed with me as I don’t want him waking up his brother.

The thing is that dh and I have most of our intimate moments in the middle of the night or when he comes home. Obviously when my son is in the bed that is no longer an option.

Dh has asked I try to train DS back to sleeping in his room. I just don’t feel like it’s a priority. I have to admit I like my one on one time with DS and his snuggles.

I just feel icky implementing a routine for my child cause Dh wants sex. Equally I want to keep my marriage happy and healthy.

Any input would be greatly appreciated, thanks.

my sister thinks I need to prioritise husband. But she’s subscribes to “all men need is food and sex to keep them happy” logic

I’d snuggle with my 3 year old and expect his father to have a basic understanding of child development.

Child comes first imo. Find other times for time with DH

Put him gently back in his own bed when your DH comes home, he will probably just carry on sleeping. That will also hopefully get him out of needing to be in your bed.

Sorry but I agree with your dh. We give yp
so much when our children are babies; and yes 3 is still v young. But there comes a point when you do need to at least try and get your child back in his room and back to sleep.

If you’re calling it regression you know it’s not great for your child, I agree not great to sleep train for your dh but I think your ds should be in their own bed

I wouldn’t have sex with anyone who woke me up in the middle of the night.

I hate cosleeping, but if it’s a choice between distressed three year old waking sibling or DH being put out that he’s missing out on sex then I’d be disappointing DH. I don’t think I’d appreciate being woken in the middle of the night for that anyway.

I’d work harder at getting the child into their own bed if a sibling wasn’t going to be woken and/or DH took a turn at trying to settle the 3 year old - the fact he is just asking you to sort it out is a turn off in itself.

I’d sleep train the child now. Otherwise this could be ongoing. Kids need boundaries and don’t always need to come first!

How long will he be on lates for?

Has he suggested that he deal with the sleep training on his days off?

“I feel icky implementing a routine for my child cause DH wants sex”
The sex should be for both of you, it’s part of a healthy loving relationship. If you don’t want sex that’s fine, but don’t put your child in place as a barrier. At age 3 it’s good for your son to be able to settle in his own bed.

Quite😄 Surely there are other times? Is this what you actually want? On the nights that children don't wake you, you get woken by your husband instead?!

Mens needs are like having two children whining for attention instead of one child and two adults.

Dh isn’t waking me for sex at night. It’s just when we both prefer to do it. I am a light sleeper and will initiate mostly. Obviously only when we are alone

Your 3 year old aside, are you actually ok about the fact that he wakes you up for sex in the middle of the night?

You feel 'icky' making time for sex with your husband? Eh?

Your husband wants the toddler out of your bed so you can minister to his needs instead? When do you get to sleep?

With 3yo I'd see this as a phase to work around tbh. He's just little, this will pass. So maybe you're not shagging in the bed rn. That's ok. You find another time/place if you both want it.

id keep Co sleeping. Can you sleep in spare room with toddler and then pop into main bed for sex and then go back to the spare bed.

I’d agree, having to plan your child’s sleeping arrangements around your husband’s selfish need for sex plain icky.

This 100%, sex should be mutual for both parties not just men.
But agree that your son needs to sleep train into his own bed sooner rather than later.

Well sure you have your child so you can take your line that your husbands services are no longer required but I dont think of husbands as a robot that has a switch that is only switched on when his services are needed again, as what he is asking for is normal in an adult relationship so it is totally up to you, I just dont think life stops when children are around

This. Your relationship with your DH is important

How are you sleeping well with a three year old bed to you?!? My son is two and a half and can sleep diagonally across the pillow area of our king size bed.. voting YABU for that reason only. Sex is up to you and you are right to put your child below that xx

" I just don’t feel like it’s a priority. I have to admit I like my one on one time with DS and his snuggles."

hmmm.......

Gosh it feels like you a depository!

BUT

it doesn’t sound an answer for your 3 year old to come into bed with you…who is it for?

be mindful - you will be a couple long after they have flown the nest and that needs work

Can't your husband just move the sleeping toddler back into his bed when he gets home? Feels like a complete non-issue to me.