Husband asking I stop bringing in 3 yo into bed for this reason

[PlumCath]

Dh is currently on lates at work. This means he will often come home when I am asleep.

Coincidentally my 3 yo son has started regressing with his sleep. I often end up bringing him to bed with me as I don’t want him waking up his brother.

The thing is that dh and I have most of our intimate moments in the middle of the night or when he comes home. Obviously when my son is in the bed that is no longer an option.

Dh has asked I try to train DS back to sleeping in his room. I just don’t feel like it’s a priority. I have to admit I like my one on one time with DS and his snuggles.

I just feel icky implementing a routine for my child cause Dh wants sex. Equally I want to keep my marriage happy and healthy.

Any input would be greatly appreciated, thanks.

my sister thinks I need to prioritise husband. But she’s subscribes to “all men need is food and sex to keep them happy” logic

He sleeps like a log next to me. Im a light sleeper who can fall asleep asleep very easily so DS does not disturb my sleep in the slightest

If your DH is working shifts, his sleep is important.

A good amount of times ds has woken up whilst loving and gets VERY worked up. Or he will wake again later

I personally just get better sleep if he co sleeps

I’m a firm believer in children sleeping in their own beds. It was something me and my DH agreed on from the start. Our room is our space and I want to have sex with my DH whenever we want.

My BIL and SIL have talked about their sex life being in tatters as their 10 year old refuses to sleep in her own bed. My BIL sleeps in the 10 year olds bed. They only have one child.

The child also sits in the front seat of the car and the parent at the back tho 😂

I suppose it’s up to you as a couple to decide together what works for you. Unless there is an underlying reason, I don’t think it’s unreasonable a husband wanting to have sex with his wife without a child snoozing in the middle.

This.

This

As you say, your DH isn’t a priority right now so at least have the decency and admit that it has nothing to do with anything else.

A three year old will benefit from having a good sleep routine.

Omg

I agree with this

the bed and the car are related!!!

and that child will leave home and where will their relationship be then!

This. You should be wanting to have to have sex with your DH not just having it “to keep him happy”

This.

I find all the responses saying your 3 year old “needs” or “should” be in his own bed so odd, and kind of sad. He is 3, wakes up, looks for his mother in the dark. That is so normal.

My DS has a great sleep routine, always has. He still occasionally comes in bed with me or DH (we don’t sleep together because he snores.) If it was every night then it would be a problem but as it is it’s fine.

I don’t really like the assumption that the bed is for sex, it’s for sleep first and foremost!

There’s no ‘should’ about it. It’s how she feels. Sexual desire ebbs and flows and it’s often not massively high with small children.

Children will spend the majority of their life in their own beds. My child’s needs will always trump my husbands.

Yes this

OP you are in an adult relationship yet using infantile teenage immature language to describe a decision that you need to try to decide together about how your relationship with each other runs and decisions about how to manage your child's sleep routine.

Does ds have a single bed? Can you snuggle up with him in his bed, then slip away when he's asleep again/when dh comes home?

So true 🤣

I'd sort my 3 year old's sleep out, not because of my husband but because my child is 3 and should be in his own bed. But then I never had my kids in my bed, they were in their own rooms from 12 weeks and slept through from 6 months 🤷‍♀️

Why don't you go downstairs? Or a spare bedroom if you have one? Does it have to be only in your bed?

Yes you’ve said you can sleep easily

Do women not have wants and needs? I like having sex, I don’t think of either of us as whining. It’s important, healthy and totally natural. It seems sad it’s viewed as a want or attention seeking.

I bet they want it when TTC

What is your ideal situation OP?

Forget about your husband and your sister for a moment. What do you want from this?

Would you like your 3 year old to continue to co sleep?

Or would you like your 3 year old to sleep in his own bed indefinitely?

If you would like your 3 year old to continue to co sleep with you, could you do so in his bed? Then your husband isn’t disturbed by them.

If you would like your 3 year old to sleep in his own bed then you and your husband need to work together for this. It’s not just down to you to sleep train. Your husband, despite working, needs to be involved. You should be a team.

Either way you need to discuss this as a couple. Remind your husband it’s not just down to you.

And then as soon as they have the desired number of children, sex becomes a chore and their husbands are irritating pathetic sex pests for still wanting it. And they wonder why their marriages suffer.

Why are so many women on here absolutely raging that men sometimes want to have sex with their wives?!

Dont any of you ever want to have sex? I love having sex with my husband. It’s healthy and good. Our relationship is important too.

I am against the majority and I think it’s gross that your DH puts his want for sex above your sleep and your DS’s security.