Husband asking I stop bringing in 3 yo into bed for this reason

[PlumCath]

Dh is currently on lates at work. This means he will often come home when I am asleep.

Coincidentally my 3 yo son has started regressing with his sleep. I often end up bringing him to bed with me as I don’t want him waking up his brother.

The thing is that dh and I have most of our intimate moments in the middle of the night or when he comes home. Obviously when my son is in the bed that is no longer an option.

Dh has asked I try to train DS back to sleeping in his room. I just don’t feel like it’s a priority. I have to admit I like my one on one time with DS and his snuggles.

I just feel icky implementing a routine for my child cause Dh wants sex. Equally I want to keep my marriage happy and healthy.

Any input would be greatly appreciated, thanks.

my sister thinks I need to prioritise husband. But she’s subscribes to “all men need is food and sex to keep them happy” logic

Perhaps if you bothered to read the OP's posts you'd realise that you are frothing up the wrong tree.

Why????? he has his own fecking bed that he wants to sleep in !

Imagine coming home at 3am from paid work and having to kip on the floor or sofa to be wakened again when everyone gets up 😔

It's not often I feel sorry for men, but I feel sorry for anyone who has been or is being subjected to this sort of shitty and frankly cruel behaviour.

I can’t imagine turning my child away when they need me in the middle of the night. As you say, you are fine with your child coming in for snuggles. It won’t go on forever, this is so often just a phase. Let them roll through it. Husband will survive.

The wanting sex bit would annoy me, but I think he should be able to get into bed for a good sleep after a late night at work. It also won’t help that you’re enjoying the time and could be eagerly taking him into your bed, when he should be getting trained back into a routine.

The wanting sex bit would annoy me

Yeah, imagine wanting sex within a marriage, doesn't he know that's what affairs are for?

I’d be plotting his demise.

You are a mentalist.

Why?

Sex is important. Presumably, you'd like your relationship to continue, you'd like your child to live in a home with both his parents until he becomes an adult.

In which case, sex is important. A child in your bed is not conducive to sex. Making sure your child sleeps in his own bed is not only likely to make your partner happier, but also you and your child, long term.

Back in his own bed now. Boundaries need maintaining otherwise he’ll be 6 still expecting snuggles with mummy.

it sounds like the co sleeping is more for you. 3 year olds don't have sleep regressions. They have a bad night, and then get in a habit of coming in to you because you allow it.

Awww there's nothing wrong with a 6 year old wanting snuggles off their mum

I find it bizarre so many children are sent off to sleep by themselves yet as soon as we are adults we go back to sharing a bed with someone. Absolute madness to me than it's automatically assumed adults will share yet children are meant to sleep alone?

It depends on how much sex matters in your lives.To me it has always been very.important.No sex at home I'd go elsewhere. Fast

Is it just the intimacy that's the problem... can your husband sleep with the toddler in the bed?
If it's just the intimacy, can you just go and do it elsewhere in the house?

Of course it’s not a joke.
The bloody bloke shouldn’t even open the door. What the hell does he think he’s doing? He should sleep on the front lawn.
Remember this is Mumsnet.

That's what we used to do!

OP has said that SHE'S the one who initiates.

Your child is only young once and he needs you. Your husband can get to fuck. One day when your child has moved out and never sees you, will you look back and say 'well at least I got to have sex with my husband.'?

Or when the child moves out and she is alone, will she wish she had prioritized a relationship with her (ex) husband?

Three is well old enough to stay in his own bed. As pp said, get the toddler a larger one and any snuggling can be done in his room.

I loved cosleeping with my kids and it worked out great as they were all good sleepers in the end.

I would never put my DH's desire for sex above my children's needs to be comforted at night. They're only little once.

Encouraging a child to sleep in their own bed does not lead to them pushing their parents out of their lives as adults.

Ha! That was my initial thought too!

What makes you think they want to have sex with you?

What a ridiculous post

You sound very pleased with yourself but I’m not really sure why!

Family life is about balancing everyone’s needs. Marriages need care and protection as well as children and sex is an important part of that. It’s perfectly possible to comfort and soothe your child whilst they stay in their own bed and then pop back into your own.

I must say that as someone whose children are now adults, I find this current trend for parents centring their children in every part of life (including to the detriment of their marriage) bewildering. How does that help the wellbeing of the family in the long term?