Husband asking I stop bringing in 3 yo into bed for this reason

[PlumCath]

Dh is currently on lates at work. This means he will often come home when I am asleep.

Coincidentally my 3 yo son has started regressing with his sleep. I often end up bringing him to bed with me as I don’t want him waking up his brother.

The thing is that dh and I have most of our intimate moments in the middle of the night or when he comes home. Obviously when my son is in the bed that is no longer an option.

Dh has asked I try to train DS back to sleeping in his room. I just don’t feel like it’s a priority. I have to admit I like my one on one time with DS and his snuggles.

I just feel icky implementing a routine for my child cause Dh wants sex. Equally I want to keep my marriage happy and healthy.

Any input would be greatly appreciated, thanks.

my sister thinks I need to prioritise husband. But she’s subscribes to “all men need is food and sex to keep them happy” logic

100% this.

Start of a bad path for you and your husband.
Yes, child should sleep in their own room.

Tell DH he’s welcome to move DC when he gets in and get DC resettled in his own bed - but that’ll be his job to do and not yours.

Why can’t your husband not just sleep on the sofa or the floor when he gets home from work? Then it would be guaranteed that he wouldn’t be disturbing you or your child

Children should never be in their parents bed. You should have coaxed your ds back to bed, eventually he will get the message. You are encouraging him, it will become musical beds where your husband will just sleep elsewhere. You are making problems when there's no need

This has to be a joke

« Yes, I will try to see how we can have him back in his bed…in the midtime, should we start shower snuggles? » or anything else you fancy…don’t give him the feeling you choose your son over him by giving an alternative or being open on his ideas…don’t loose your little one snuggles which I am sure you will not have forever!

Does hubby have another place to sleep in case it is not just for sex?

And a nasty one lol!

I think it’s ‘icky’ To use your 3yo has an excuse not to sleep with your husband.
if you don’t want to have sex that’s fine, but don’t blame it on your child.

Well I agree with this

I never really had much problem with the children wanting to come in our bed.
They rarely woke up, nor wandered in. Maybe once a fortnight or so - or if they were ill. It was just never an issue if they did. Fortunately had a 6ft bed so space wasn't an issue either. But even if they did it every night I can't imagine dh bringing up the issue of it preventing him instigating sex at will. Ugh. Some people might think baby in bed once a fortnight is too often, who knows?
3 is still such a baby. They need you.

So I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. The baby snuggles don't last forever so make the most of them. Of course he's right that the child eventually needs to get used to sleeping in their own bed. But you can't rush the process just so he can get his end away.

How long has he been sleeping in your bed?

This.

(I have nothing against co-sleeping though).

I think it’s ‘icky’ To use your 3yo has an excuse not to sleep with your husband.
if you don’t want to have sex that’s fine, but don’t blame it on your child

That's unfair and not at all what the OP is saying.
She is saying it feels uncomfortable to prioritise her husband's desire for sex on tap over her 3 year old child's emotional wellbeing. And I agree with her. Fortunately I have a husband who also prioritises our children's emotional wellbeing over coming home to a wife in an empty bed with the kids out of the way. Of course children need to learn to sleep in their own beds. But it needn't be made rushed or stressful by impatient fathers.

Am I the only one here who loves being woken up for sex in the middle of the night?

it’s great, I’ve had a little nap, get work for a cuddle and back off to sleep. What’s not to like 🤣🤣

also, I have 4 kids 11 and under. One severely disabled - it’s the only time we get to do something for just us.

It’s the only acceptable reason bar a fire to be woken up in the middles of the night or early hours. The after sex nap hits different.

Co sleeping at 3 is fine. When my son was 3 and wandering in anytime between midnight and 6 am we bought a bigger bed. I never really did sleep training beyond starting him off in his own bed. I slept well with DS there and got more sleep if we just snuggled. He gradually started to sleep through. It wont be forever.

Love this 🤣🤣

It’s the only acceptable reason bar a fire to be woken up in the middles of the night or early hours. The after sex nap hits different

And how does that nap go when the baby wakes up at 5am?

I love it too!!!

always wish boyfriend would do this!

but it’s actually the OP that wakes up herself for it!

This!! Who does he think he is??

I wake up my partner for sex. He's not complaining :D so I presume some people like it

Climb into your child's bed with him instead, to settle him. Adults are absolutely entitled to their own sleeping space, you're happy to share it, he's not.

Regardless of the reasons it's perfectly reasonable to expect to sleep train your three year old son.

There is nothing wrong, at all, with a bit of a nudge and a snuggle showing you want sex. So long as they accept no too tired, or no not right now, if that's the response.

You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think women who work shifts should come home and sleep on the floor too, so that they don't disturb their husbands?