Husband asking I stop bringing in 3 yo into bed for this reason

[PlumCath]

Dh is currently on lates at work. This means he will often come home when I am asleep.

Coincidentally my 3 yo son has started regressing with his sleep. I often end up bringing him to bed with me as I don’t want him waking up his brother.

The thing is that dh and I have most of our intimate moments in the middle of the night or when he comes home. Obviously when my son is in the bed that is no longer an option.

Dh has asked I try to train DS back to sleeping in his room. I just don’t feel like it’s a priority. I have to admit I like my one on one time with DS and his snuggles.

I just feel icky implementing a routine for my child cause Dh wants sex. Equally I want to keep my marriage happy and healthy.

Any input would be greatly appreciated, thanks.

my sister thinks I need to prioritise husband. But she’s subscribes to “all men need is food and sex to keep them happy” logic

I agree with DH. I think it's a good idea to get DC used to sleeping in their own beds.

I think it's fine to prioritise time with your little one and your sleep for a while. Ultimately at this age being there when they need you is fundamental for building and reinforcing their trust. It's not even a 'regression', it's just a completely normal stage of development and a completely normal thing for a child to want to be with their mum at night.

You know men have affairs all the time even when they get endless sex at home, right?

The repeated threats on this thread that her husband will cheat on her is pretty sick.

The MRAs are out in force on this thread, aren't they?
If it was as easy as "put him in his bed" you'd assume the OP was doing it. Put him in his bed and listen to him cry, is a different kettle of fish. This is likely to be a short term thing, and giving your child reassurance is a lovely thing to do.

I’m team DH. Not a fan of co-sleeping. The longer you leave it, the harder it will be to train.

I think three is still quite young, as someone with a nearly three yo. However, I think it’s fine for a short period during a regression - I certainly wouldn’t be keen for this to go on for a longer period.

We both agreed from the start we really didn’t want to cosleep and it would have been an absolute last resort. And that’s nothing to do with sex. I feel touched out all day with a toddler and a baby, let alone having one of them kicking and stretching next to me all night too.

Oh for goodness sake. If I had the misfortune to have picked an absolute skid mark of a man that cheated just because he didn’t get his leg over enough because I was putting the emotional needs of OUR child first, I’d happily help him pack his bags and be rid.

This.

But you sound like you're checked out of your relationship anyway

" I just don’t feel like it’s a priority. I have to admit I like my one on one time with DS and his snuggles."

So, I don't know. Maybe have that conversation with your husband?

I note the dh is at work during the times when the OP would have to sleep train the child.

I know two women who had very healthy sex lives - which actually ramped up before finding out their husbands were having an affair.

But putting him in bed and listening to him cry is literally the best and most selfless thing to do for him? Eventually he’ll stop crying and get used to it. It might be painful for mum at first but it’ll be better for everyone in the long run.

I remember someone telling me that your partner comes before your children, because the thing children need the most is for their parents to be happy together.

When I started raising my son on my own, I was told to put myself first as he needed me strong and happy to raise him well.

I don’t know if either of that is true or not but I’m sure I was always a much better parent when I was rested after a full night of sleep. So, husband or no husband, try to get DS’ sleep back in track for the sake of the 4 of you.

I disagree. In some situations obviously. But in others I think spouses should prioritise each other (talking in general rather than this specific post). If spouses don’t prioritise each other, what will they have left once the kids move out? And also it is known that kids thrive best with both parents together in a happy relationship. So prioritising each other to try and keep your relationship healthy/together does benefit the kids.

What an ick, your child's need is more important than a man expecting sex. DC will grow out of the sleep regression in time, it's fine that sorting that out is more important to you than sex at the moment.

I agree & I know someone who prioritised her husband and all his needs for years and he continually had affairs.

According to some on MN, if you have sex when your husband wants it, you get to keep him!

No one has said this. This is defensive, childish nonsense.

It is however a no-brainer that if you neglect your marriage there is a higher chance of it not working out. And some of us care about that and want to maintain it.

She’s not neglecting him. They still have sex (initiated by her).

I don't agree with either of you. I don't think that your husband's needs come before the child but I also don't agree with facilitating your child's sleep regression.

"your husband’s selfish need for sex"

This being the sex that OP usually initiates ...

I wasn’t specifically talking about the OP. There are many posters on here who talk about their husbands with utter contempt.

The kids 3, not a baby. Get him back in his own bed Jesus Christ

Urgh! Tell your dh to grow up.

Why is it better for the child? He will stop wanting to come in when he's ready. Right now he wants his mum. It doesn't mean he will never want to sleep alone.
If he was coming in and still not sleeping I'd agree it's best to return him, but he apparently sleeps like a log with his mum.

If you can only maintain your marriage by having sex in a specific place at a specific time I’d suggest it wasn’t very strong in the first place.