Husband asking I stop bringing in 3 yo into bed for this reason

[PlumCath]

Dh is currently on lates at work. This means he will often come home when I am asleep.

Coincidentally my 3 yo son has started regressing with his sleep. I often end up bringing him to bed with me as I don’t want him waking up his brother.

The thing is that dh and I have most of our intimate moments in the middle of the night or when he comes home. Obviously when my son is in the bed that is no longer an option.

Dh has asked I try to train DS back to sleeping in his room. I just don’t feel like it’s a priority. I have to admit I like my one on one time with DS and his snuggles.

I just feel icky implementing a routine for my child cause Dh wants sex. Equally I want to keep my marriage happy and healthy.

Any input would be greatly appreciated, thanks.

my sister thinks I need to prioritise husband. But she’s subscribes to “all men need is food and sex to keep them happy” logic

It’s a regression so he can sleep in his bed it’s a phase. I wouldn’t be encouraging it to continue. Hugs kiss good night tucked back into his own bed.

Sex or no sex. I’m sure the last thing anyone wants coming home from a night shift is a toddler in their bed tbh.

Because on MN it’s totally unacceptable that a man should want to have a sexual relationship with his wife. Sex is for conceiving children or when the wife feels like it. Other than that it’s a big fat no and should not be allowed.

And the poster says it’s often her initiating in the night when he gets home..

read the post guys!

This might be a revelation to some but you can have sex at other times and locations than in bed in the evening.

And no wanking either. How rude. But also his got a hand and can sort himself out. Depending on which way the wind is blowing 😂

lol this is just total nonsense

Yeah. Or you could just put the three year old back in his own bed.

But DS at that stage is asleep and OP describes the sex as mostly her initiating it. Surely OP can have her cuddles with DS and he can be moved back to his own bed when asleep once DH comes home.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable for a husband to want to sleep in his bed with his wife, sex aside. Co sleeping isn’t for everyone. A child can be given comfort and safety and you can still encourage good sleep routine habits with returning them to their own rooms.

If it were me, I would get the 3 year old a big bed in their room, so if ever they did need some comfort from mum, then mum could snuggle up with them in their big bed until they are asleep, then withdraw and go back to her own bed. This can work well, as it will mean that the 3 year old gets out of the habit of heading to mum and dad’s room when they wake in the night or can’t sleep.

Where and when with a 3 year old child around

I have currently the same issue but I’m the one not wanting the 3 year old in bed . My 3 year old gained a habit of creeping up in bed and refusing to return to her bed and honestly it’s drives me crazy because … well because I actually like sex when I feel like it . Hubby is more patient than me in our case

Honestly I hate posts like this. There is an underlying insinuation that the husband is an evil, neglectful sex pest who gives not a single fuck about his child.

It’s absolute shite and it’s so transparent.

My DC had a regression just before turning three. Started having nightmares and separation anxiety, it was quite difficult and my solution was also to co-sleep.

I also wouldn't be having sex if I was woken up in the middle of the night!!!

I'd find other times for sex personally (but really make an effort to do so) whilst doing what was needed to help dc feel secure. It's all very well to say train your son to stay in his bed, but we tried that and it didn't work for us.

Male wants and desires are often dismissed as disgusting and perverted here.

Goodness, is that really a genuine question?

Your priority is quite rightly your own sleep. I totally empathise with the fact that the co sleeping is allowing you to get a good night's rest. I think right now that is the most important thing for your own health and happiness. However you obviously still want to carve out some time with your dh. When could that be? There must be some other moment for "nap time".

That’s exactly what I was going to say!

The child is three, not 3 months.

Cosleeping is great if you’re all on board but parents can’t be folding to the whims of a preschooler.

Yeah I’m with you (I’m not going to pretend to be all cool like I’m doing it in the shower while my 3 year old watches tv). When mine were that age it was night time or nothing

How tho? With a 3 year old snoring in the bed?

My days of a quickie on the sofa/kitchen table at lunchtime finished when I was about 17! I want to have sex, at night, in my big bed with my husband in a child free zone.

If that makes us sex pests and awful parents so be it!

I swear to god half of Mumsnet thinks men and sex are essentially just solely for procreation and once that’s been achieved you can simply ignore them in favour of having a dribbling sticky child sleeping in the marital bed for the next decade, then they wonder why the marriage is dead as a door-nail and their husband sits downstairs wanking to porn half the night.

My 3yo comes in most nights, about 1am. It doesn’t interfere with our sex life but even if it did, if dhs solution was I do all the work and loss of sleep to change it to suit him, I’d laugh and say not a chance, she’s your child too, what’s your plan that you’re going to do? Or if you’re asking a big favour from me since it will be much harder to get them to stay in their bed, waking both the kids, how am I going to catch up on my rest? I’ll give you a hint, it won’t be by carving out even more night time for sex, I need sleep too.

He’s a male. He’s got no say at all .

Your husband is definitely the sane one here.

I say this having a 3 and 1 year old toddlers.

This! It’s as though they’ve no use to them anymore, very sad!!