Husband asking I stop bringing in 3 yo into bed for this reason

[PlumCath]

Dh is currently on lates at work. This means he will often come home when I am asleep.

Coincidentally my 3 yo son has started regressing with his sleep. I often end up bringing him to bed with me as I don’t want him waking up his brother.

The thing is that dh and I have most of our intimate moments in the middle of the night or when he comes home. Obviously when my son is in the bed that is no longer an option.

Dh has asked I try to train DS back to sleeping in his room. I just don’t feel like it’s a priority. I have to admit I like my one on one time with DS and his snuggles.

I just feel icky implementing a routine for my child cause Dh wants sex. Equally I want to keep my marriage happy and healthy.

Any input would be greatly appreciated, thanks.

my sister thinks I need to prioritise husband. But she’s subscribes to “all men need is food and sex to keep them happy” logic

It doesn’t have to be one or the other. Co-sleep and then make time to be intimate with your husband elsewhere.

It is normal in many places around the world, including the UK.

This is so true

So do you think that the OP is a sex pest, given that she said it’s her that usually initiates in the night?

I think you need to be more mindful of your unilateral decisions about your marital bed. Your husband has a say too. Be careful this doesn’t breed corrosive resentment because you’re prioritising your 1 on 1 snuggles with your child over having an adult bedroom.

On the sofa/spare bed whilst child is asleep in the bed? In the bed whilst child is watching a film downstairs? Presumably the child usually starts the night in his own bed so can do it in the bed before the child comes in in the middle of the night?

I just think there are plenty of options for sex that don’t involve telling a 3 year old he can’t come to his mummy in the night.

Sex may not be a priority for you, but it is for men. Try to pretend that isn't true, and the marriage will go wrong. If you don't want the marriage then fair enough, but it sounds like you do. So many divorced women, years or decades down the line, are still just outraged that the exH wouldn't just be more like a woman. Put ds to bed.

Child always comes first, it's as simple as that. Hubby can go whistle.

“I think my husband might be having an affair with his new work colleague…”

I do enjoy intimacy with dh. I don’t think he is a pervert for wanting to be intimate. But right now I have found something that keeps my son happy and allows me to sleep. The suggestion that those things are deprioritised in favour of the possibility of sex is what puts me off.

Some women really fucking loathe their husbands don’t they.

Um, so we agree then?

Well, don’t be surprised if your husband eventually takes the hint and makes alternate arrangements.

If one spouse unilaterally refuses sex (in general) the other one is entitled to get it elsewhere, IMHO.

Your child should be in his own bed at that age.

So do I and we cosleep with the 1 year old and the 3 year old joins us occasionally when she wakes up in the middle of the night. My DH is even softer than I am as I wanted the baby in his own room! But they're only this young once and it's lovely having this snuggle time.

Snap

Putting your child first involves training him to sleep in his own bed and stay there. You've got the rest of the evening to cuddle him.

How is having sex with your husband icky?

If he sleeps like a log, it should be relatively easy to put him back into his own bed. By encouraging him you're making the regression worse.

We are a very much children in their own bed family, both of us decided early on and we've nearly always stuck to it, I personally think it benefits the child sleeping independently too as they aren't reliant on anything than themselves to fall asleep and get a goods night's sleep, we make plenty of other times for snuggles/cuddles together.

I think your husband is right to mention it if it has now become the new routine and it is all the time, you've decided to prioritise your son's wants over your husbands wants/needs, when really there should be a balance/compromise.

Your son wants to sleep with you in your bed, your husband wants to have sex with you.. but your husband NEEDS a good nights sleep when he comes back from work so removing the sex aspect from it, is he happy sleeping with your kiddo in bed and it is just the sex side of it?

But this isn't putting the child first, is it? Child is better off learning to go to sleep in his own bed and staying there. It's not good for him to encourage him to get up and go to another room, or to become dependent on having his mum next to him.

Well I’m sure he won’t be dependent on having his mum next to him when he’s 15, regardless of where he sleeps.

I get it if parents want their bed to themselves but let’s not pretend it’s for the benefit of the child.

Well I’m sure he won’t be dependent on having his mum next to him when he’s 15, regardless of where he sleeps.

I get it if parents want their bed to themselves but let’s not pretend it’s for the benefit of the child.

I mean if that makes you happy, then have at it.

Mine have slept through night since ~6 months, and have shared the a room together since youngest was 8 months. We have plenty of cuddles throughout the day.

I agree - I think OP and many others hide behind putting the child first when by her own admission it’s her that really enjoys this time snuggling with DC. She doesn’t want to give up this snuggle time as she enjoys it. Being a parent is saying actually, it’s better for the child to help them settle in their own bed. I’m not suggesting denying the child comfort or snuggles, just make time for this before bed and comfort the child or even move the child back to their own bed once they are back to sleep.

It becomes a selfish decision because it’s keeping the child in a regressed state because it’s nice. There should be some lines drawn to see progress in development.

You're not helping your son with his regression. It's best to stay in his room to he sleeps... you can snuggle with him at other times in the day.