Husband asking I stop bringing in 3 yo into bed for this reason

[PlumCath]

Dh is currently on lates at work. This means he will often come home when I am asleep.

Coincidentally my 3 yo son has started regressing with his sleep. I often end up bringing him to bed with me as I don’t want him waking up his brother.

The thing is that dh and I have most of our intimate moments in the middle of the night or when he comes home. Obviously when my son is in the bed that is no longer an option.

Dh has asked I try to train DS back to sleeping in his room. I just don’t feel like it’s a priority. I have to admit I like my one on one time with DS and his snuggles.

I just feel icky implementing a routine for my child cause Dh wants sex. Equally I want to keep my marriage happy and healthy.

Any input would be greatly appreciated, thanks.

my sister thinks I need to prioritise husband. But she’s subscribes to “all men need is food and sex to keep them happy” logic

Aaagh - quote disappeared….read above as a response to this!

We found that we’d inadvertently made coming into our bed the normal night time pattern. Which wasn’t doing anyone any good really.

So agreed to pick which nights we went for the disruption of getting child back to their bed vs coming into ours.

Doesnt need to be all or nothing.

Always with the emotional blackmail

I’ve never heard of anyone going NC because they weren’t allowed to sleep ok their parents’ bed. Of they do, they’re a shitty child frankly

There is a middle ground here. Sleep with child in their bed until they drop off, or carry them into their own bed

They are only small once and for such a short time. Three is still only a baby really.
Surely you a.d your husband can arrange your sex lives around this.

I see now that she did, but that’s completely contradictory given what she said in the OP:

I just feel icky implementing a routine for my child cause Dh wants sex.

By which she seems to be implying that she would rather not have sex at that time in order to continue co-sleeping with her child? It doesn’t really matter, I’m just amazed anyone would be happy to be woken up for anything other than the house burning down, but then I love my sleep too much!

If the OP is perfectly happy to be woken, then the solution seems simple to me - they just need to sneak off to another room for sex and then come back to bed after. Job done.

By all means put your husband’s needs below that of your child. But don’t be surprised if he seeks comfort and companionship elsewhere if you keep pushing him out of his own bed.
Put your son in his own bed. You’d be surprised how early children learn to divide parents to their own advantage.

Why should they ‘sneak off to another room’? That’s THEIR bedroom. The last thing DH wants when coming home from work is to deal with a child taking up space in the bed; I’m sure it would be the same if the situation were reversed and OP was working nights. Son has his own room.
OP is making a rod for her own back here.

I do wonder if children sleeping with parents is a choice so as to avoid intimacy.
Your relationship needs to continue after your children. Think about the long term.

People that don’t like their own children and can’t be bothered to ‘deal’ with developmentally normal 3 year old behaviour probably shouldn’t be having children in the first place.

Comfort and companionship doesn't just mean sex and comes in all forms, what about the other 23 hours of the day? It may be a surprise to you, but sex isn't the be all and end all of relationships - that's great you are such horny cool wives that are happy to fulfil your ravenous husband's needs at all hours because he can't possibly survive without emptying his load every night, but a good unselfish man wouldn't end his marriage over this and seek it elsewhere!

Bloody hell you have low standards. You think OP’s DH would be justified in having an affair just because he can’t have sex at the exact moment and exact place that he wants? Even though there are a multitude of other times or places where they could have sex instead? Have a word with yourself.

Do you think that sex can only take place in the bedroom with the lights off or something?

How do we get from

‘parent not wanting 3 year old in bed when they get home’ to ‘parent doesn’t like child and should not have children’?

From the tone of @RareJoker , who also thinks the DH should have an affair if he doesn’t get his own way.

@ProfessionalPirate

agreed! don’t be a parent unless you’re prepared to be celibate for the rest of your life and happy about it. Plus everyone knows that sex is really only for procreation purposes anyway so there really is no need for it after you become a parent. It just takes away from your parenting as is the case in OP’s situation.

I think it’s really sad that so many on here seem to think that the only time and place they could possibly have sex is in your own bed, at bedtime. How boring!

I could take a leaf out of @RareJoker ‘s book and suggest their DH’s will end up looking elsewhere for something less vanilla but I wouldn’t be so vicious!

@ProfessionalPirate

no, no sex full stop, when you become a parent.

You do you.

Ok as the one time parent of small children, tell me more. When I had a 3 year old I couldn't even have a wee by myself when they were awake. Where and when should I have been having all this amazing sex except in my bed in the middle of the night? Garden shed after dinner? Hall cupboard whilst they were watching cBeebies? Back of the car whilst it was in the garage?

@ProfessionalPirate

its only right. Op seems to think so too given she described it as “icky”.

Instead of your child coming in and sleeping in your bed, can you bring him back to his own and help him go back to sleep there. Then you can go back to your own bed when he's sound asleep