to think getting up as a guest at 5.30am is too antisocial?

[LoisLaneKent]

Once or twice a year, I host a friend for up to a week because she is travelling from a distance.

The last two times she has stayed with me, she has left on a Saturday morning at the crack of dawn. The first time it was to catch a flight but the recently it was just to meet friends in another city and screwed up my sleeping pattern that weekend (with earplugs!).

Am I AIBU to ask her to change her leaving plans in future or should I suck it up and I'm being a moany host!

I think for a flight, it’s reasonable.

Unclench.

You have to weigh it up, is it worth it for you to host her.

For the flight, I’d be okay with it. But, in general, I’d tell her that waking up at half 5 disturbs my sleep, so could she please not. It shouldn’t be a massive deal. She’s your friend, after all.

@FunnyOrca last weekend it wasn't for a flight. It was just to go and meet other friends.

I had been working all week and was really tired. She'd been chilling and having dinners out with mates all week.

I think the onus is on the guest to be quiet if getting up at that time.

Does she expect you to get up? Or does she says goodnight and goodbye the night before and then creep out the following morning? Because if she does the latter I think it's reasonable.

what time is crack of dawn?

@Ineffable23 she doesn't expect me to get up - but she still woke me up.

If she's leaving at 5:30, she creeps like mouse and leaves you snoozing. You say goodbye the night before.

I think there is a difference between crashing around making breakfast etc and expecting to socialise with you, and quietly leaving early. I get that it disturbs you regardless, but I think I'd unclench and try and get past it. If you are good friends, tell her you are a light sleeper and how affected your sleep patterns are, but I'd keep it light-hearted. If you are otherwise good friends and she is considerate, then that is worth a lot.

If she's noisy enough to wake you up then it's a bit out of order.

That early she shouldn't be shuffling round making breakfast or using the shower, putting on radio or telly etc.

I wouldn't mind someone leaving whenever they want though, as long as they were quiet.

If she’s got plans, she’s got plans. As long as she lets you know beforehand and maybe tries to be a bit quieter, you’d be a bit of a twat to get narky with her about this.

Because she was being thoughtlessly loud, or because you're a light sleeper?

Getting up and leaving early isn't antisocial. Banging around loudly at 5.30am would be. But if she's doing her best to be quiet then she's not doing anything wrong.

It's one or two mornings a year. Suck it up.

I love when guests leave super early in the day.

I think she probably didn't think it would wake you up and is imagining that she can just slip out.

Perhaps she thinks you are good enough mates that being briefly woken up earlier than ideal once or twice a year isn't a big deal.
Have you told her that it disturbs you or are you silently seething with resentment, expecting her to psychically know this this bothers you?

I have a friend from NZ who often does this - I am conveniently close to Heathrow in comparison with all his other UK places to visit. He always warns me. Sometimes I wake, sometimes I don't. I've know him over 40 years and I only see him every 4 years or so, so I live with it.

If it were for a flight, it's probably unavoidable.

I'm fine with it once or twice a year, if it means I get to see a friend rather than not. If it doesn't work for you, then you need to say so.

I think it’s up to you whether you continue to host her. You’ve got no obligation to do so.

Or you could say, I’m happy for you to stay over but not if you’re leaving before x time, as it always wakes me and I need my rest at the weekend.

I don’t think that would be unreasonable.

If she can’t creep like a mouse she can’t expect you to host her on her terms.

I suppose part of me thinks - she knows I'm working all week. Yet she always chooses to leave on a Saturday, early, when I could do with a lie in.

When I am at hers, I do get up in the morning sometimes but not at stupid o'clock. I don't want her to feel unwelcome either though.

It’s her house! The friend doesn’t live there! OP has no duty to “suck it up”. How entitled.

Maybe she thinks she is being considerate leaving early to give you your day back?

2 mornings per year? I think you need to suck it up

For a flight fair enough but maybe are needs to sort her schedule out better and not use you as a hotel room with an early checkout

I’m guessing she doesn’t realise she woke you up. Just have a word so in future she’s quieter or leaves a little later.