to think getting up as a guest at 5.30am is too antisocial?

[LoisLaneKent]

Once or twice a year, I host a friend for up to a week because she is travelling from a distance.

The last two times she has stayed with me, she has left on a Saturday morning at the crack of dawn. The first time it was to catch a flight but the recently it was just to meet friends in another city and screwed up my sleeping pattern that weekend (with earplugs!).

Am I AIBU to ask her to change her leaving plans in future or should I suck it up and I'm being a moany host!

Precisely this.

And btw yep to millions of people getting up at 5.30am is absolutely normal. There is nothing wrong with it. At all.

If the OP is so highly strung she simply cannot get back to sleep if someone makes a cup of tea in the kitchen, she should not be hosting anybody.

It's not on that she wakes you up. If she wants to leave at that time she needs to be super quiet about it. It IS an antisocial time.
We had guests once that made themselves breakfast at 6am before we were up and woke up the kids. On a Sunday morning!!
Never had them back abd never will do
Cannot be doing with that nonsense.
If i were a guest in someone's home and I wake up before them I'd be extremely quiet and just read or something until they woke up.
Absolutely would not be clattering about. So rude.

She filled a kettle. OP did not say she was clattering. OP is rude to expect a guest to lie in bed staring at the ceiling or not make a cup of tea, if hosting.

If OP doesn't want to host, she can choose not to host. She cannot demand that her guests never get up early and make a cup of tea.

That would be absolutely unhinged and horribly ill mannered.

OP is not cut out for hosting, so should stop doing it. Problem will be thereby solved.

Maybe don’t host her in future.

She doesn't have to do anything! - this would annoy me too. It's so selfish and thoughtless.

So what.

Maybe it's not all about you - sorry - living with teenagers here

She appears to have just made a hot drink in the kitchen. I expect she would be surprised that it affected OP at all. But, as it does, OP realises she needs to speak up about it and probably should have put her off.

I suffer with insomnia and take chamomile teabags with me when I am visiting to make during the night if I need them. TBH it never occurred to me that I might be distrubing anyone and no-one has ever commented on it when I have.

Once or twice a year you’re being unreasonable I’m sure you can deal with.

I get you, happens to us too. My husband were hosting few friends, who stay with us as conveniently close to Heathrow :-)

You said she is travelling from far, means she probably do not see that other friends much either. And after she is probably heading home to have rest on Sunday before she starts working on Monday. I always want to wake up early just to see anyone (either family member of friend leaving to say bye, no matter how tired I would be and although I would not need to - knowing I will not see them for sometime. And we never know when it is the last time to see them! Life is just too short to be bothered by such things and it is one or two mornings in a year.)

She’s using your house as a free air b&b. Next time don’t let her stay at yours.

I find her really rude. She should have had breakfast with you before leaving . It's exhausting going out after work while having someone stay . I think some time with you at the weekend would have been more considerate. It sounds like she is using you.
how would you feel if she was in a huff and didn't come back though?

I’d have more of a problem with her having dinner with someone else on her final night. But I agree it’s rude of her to be up so early and disturb you (she could have got a hot drink from a service/train station).

It's only once or twice a year, I would suck it up to be honest! If she needs to get up early for whatever reason, then it's what she needs to do.

I would set expectations now.

Hi X, it was lovely to see you last week. Next time I'd really like it if we spend some time together at the weekend when I am not working. Hope you had a great time. X

Unless she goes about banging things I don't see the problem. And both times she has done it she has had to get somewhere early in the morning. Lots of people routinely get up at such times, anyway - my DSS gets up at 3 a.m. for work. The rest of the household is undisturbed. Of course, if you are entertaining someone you get up to see them off even if it is at 6 a.m. You can always go back to bed or you can stay up and do something useful/interesting/relaxing/watch the sun come up etc. I sometimes get up at 7 a.m. at my DD's. I don't expect anyone else to get up and I am not disturbed when e.g. DD or DD's DP get up at 5 or 6 in the morning as they are driving a long way to work.

OP is being a bit precious.

If she had to be up early, as host I would get up to, and make the hot drink, breakfast etc. I am the host.

It's only once or twice a year, just suck it up :)

@LoisLaneKent , I'm so sorry you're getting so much grief on this post.
The ones who are telling you to "suck it up" have zero empathy or emotional intelligence.

Everyone has different resilience levels and different sleep requirements. We also don't know your schedule or life, so this may well be the only decent night's sleep you get all week. However, you may be getting 8 hours a night and that's ok too, you can still be aggrieved for being woken early by your friend.

I note that you say she told you when she was coming to stay? That stood out to me. If the reason for her coming to stay was go spend quality time with you, she would have consulted you about dates. If she was looking for a cheap hotel, she would tell you when she's coming to stay.

That being said, it's damn cheeky to tell someone you're coming to stay with them, and dictate when.

What I suggest is you agree a mutually convenient couple of nights for her to stay with you, that's when you guys spend time together and have dinner together, etc.

Then she can either stay with her other friends or in a hotel for the rest of the time.

But, coming from someone who values sleep and doesn't cope well without a good night's sleep, ignore those who are devaluing your feelings about the situation.

Username checks out.

It wakes the OP. Unless there was a specific reason (work or travel), if I was staying with a friend and something I was doing was inconveniencing them, I’d like them to mention it and then I’d stop. In this scenario, I’d read in bed for an hour or something.

I really don’t see this as a big deal.

This post doesn't deserve any responses. Non issue.

People are so different in what they think is good and bad.
I'd say a guest who got up early and let themselves out is great. Then I can chillax on Saturday morning after a hard week at work.

Plus a guest who spends some time with me and some time with other people is brilliant as well. It's not so full on ...u get a catch up but it's not suffocating.

Send your guest round to mine. She sounds ideal!

I think, maybe you just need to say no to her staying if this is something that's bothering you. It isn't reasonable to expect someone to not be able to carry out normal ablutions and have a cup of tea. It's not like she's using your en-suite & boiling the kettle in your bedroom. I'd hate a guest to think that they had to creep out, I always get up & say goodbye regardless of the time. If it's a day off you can either go back to bed, or if you're awake, get up & have a nap later.

It's amusing that a post on mumsnet is complaining about 5.30 being early. I haven't slept past 5am since my daughter was born and she's almost 16 😂

Don't get up!Any guest I have who gets up early,doesn't expect me to get up.
I tell them make yourself at home .