to think getting up as a guest at 5.30am is too antisocial?

[LoisLaneKent]

Once or twice a year, I host a friend for up to a week because she is travelling from a distance.

The last two times she has stayed with me, she has left on a Saturday morning at the crack of dawn. The first time it was to catch a flight but the recently it was just to meet friends in another city and screwed up my sleeping pattern that weekend (with earplugs!).

Am I AIBU to ask her to change her leaving plans in future or should I suck it up and I'm being a moany host!

Who is entitled?

Eh I think youre being unreasonable. Just go back to sleep or suck it up. You can't really dictate when she gets up or leaves. Just ask her to keep it down a bit or dont have her to stay.

@TwistedWonder that's how I feel sometimes. A hotel!

She spends part of the week with me and the other part seeing other people. That's ok but some consideration needed imo.

It's once or twice a year! I don't think it would occur to people that missing one or two lie ins is a big deal.

You need to use your words and tell her you'd prefer she didn't leave a early.

Exactly this. This could be solved with basic communication.

YABU. I thought you were going to say it's been every day for a month!

So id be stating, if youre leaving at 5am, do it with no noise. Dont wake me up, we sat goodbye the night before and uou get up and out quiet as a mouse on departure day.

If an adult cannot get up, ready and depart in silence - they need to work on their self awareness

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Can you have a lie in the next day ie. on Sunday?

To be honest this feels like a total non-problem to me but then I have had about 3 lie ins in 5 years. Even before kids I don't recall being this precious about missing out on a couple of hours sleep one morning.

@toomuchfaff I think it was messing about in the kitchen that did it, i assume she was filling and putting on the kettle. I am a light sleeper which obviously doesn't help.

No matter how quiet she was, she'd wake me & I wouldn't get back to sleep, BUT it's a couple a times a year!

why not just ASK her next time to make plans to leave a bit later if possible? Use your words & stop expecting her to be a mind reader. It possibly wouldn't dusturb/bother her if someone did this, so she's not aware you consider it inconsiderate.

Just say the night before you're looking forward to a lie in as you've been busy all week so can she be extra quiet when leaving and then say your goodbyes before bed.

If she’s got onward plans that require her to get up at that time then what are you expecting her to do? I thought you were going to say she’d got up at that time and started doing a les mills dumbbell workout in the corner of your room.

If you’re that intolerant of other people in your home twice a year then you need to just not host.

Honestly it’s better than people who linger around for hours and outstay their welcome.

If she is really noisy then I would have a word with her. I would imagine she was pretty noisy for even a light sleeper to be woken when wearing earplugs. Personally I don't think you can dictate when she leaves. I'd go back to bed and try to sleep or relax.

Flights are often unsociable times. Short of asking her to use a hotel for the last night not much you can do about that.

meeting friends is more unreasonable

@AutumnLeavesFallingFast I think it would bother her if i did as in her words she 'hates mornings'.

But yes, exactly, I couldn't get back to sleep. I'll likely be accused of drip feed now but I had a bereavement two weeks ago and my energy/sleep pattern has been awful. I think she didn't have to leave so early just to socialise.

If I had asked her to leave later by the time she told me about, she'd have missed the event with her friends. All I can do is say for next time.

Can't you just ask her to be quiet, and to close the door on her way out?
What's the worse that can happen?

Or don't invite her to stay.

It's one day, once or twice a year.

I have an occasional house guest who likes to get up super early. I give her a key and tell her where the local cafes are so she can go out for a run and have a coffee if she wants one (we also have breakfast and coffee supplies at home but she likes a cafe one first).

so she hasn't really come to see you, she's just used you as free accomodation?

Sorry for your loss, OP. I assume your friend knows about the bereavement? Did you or she consider that she might change her plans to allow you some space during this time?

I find it a bit strange that she was staying with you and spending time with other people while you worked. Did you get much time together? If not it seems that she is just using you as a free bed & breakfast.

You should definitely only agree to future stays on condition that she doesn't leave early on a weekend morning.

But if she couldn't get to the event without leaving early what did you want her to do? Do you think she shouldn't stay with you and then go meet up with other people? I don't think that's a completely unreasonable position, but nor is it the sort of basic etiquette that doesn't need saying. If you don't like her visiting you but then leaving early in the morning you need to either tell her or just stop hosting her entirely. Presumably in this case if she had plans to see other people then if you'd asked her not to leave early she'd have not stayed with you on the Friday night at all. I can't work out whether that's actually what you want?

You mention that she's out for dinners with friends etc.

Is part of the problem that it feels like she uses your hospitality as a crash pad for her socialising and then hurriedly leaves when you can actually relax and spend time together?

Just tell her that she’s waking you and you struggle with that after a hard week at work, so could she please leave later on the Saturday (give a time) or on Friday evening.

She probably doesn’t realise she’s waking you.