to think getting up as a guest at 5.30am is too antisocial?

[LoisLaneKent]

Once or twice a year, I host a friend for up to a week because she is travelling from a distance.

The last two times she has stayed with me, she has left on a Saturday morning at the crack of dawn. The first time it was to catch a flight but the recently it was just to meet friends in another city and screwed up my sleeping pattern that weekend (with earplugs!).

Am I AIBU to ask her to change her leaving plans in future or should I suck it up and I'm being a moany host!

If she's a good friend I would get up early too, to see her off. If you are really tired go back to bed afterwards. Or as said above say goodbye the night before and ask her to be quiet as you will be sleeping. Getting up early one or two mornings a year for a good friend isn't much of a hardship.

I'm a ridiculously light sleeper, possibly because I live on my own. Even someone opening or closing a door gently would probably wake me up and a toilet or shower certainly would. But I take that as my issue. As long as the guest is being quiet, I'd say they've done all they can and wouldn't expect them to change plans.

Just ask yourself if her visit is worth being woken up at 5.30am once or twice a year?

I think if I start to complain I risk her not coming at all or seeing herself as a nuisance - but hopefully with some adjustments it can work better.

I do need to speak up.

I have a friend who is a bit like this. Lives a long haul flight away, comes back once every other year. It’s nice to see her, but she does treat her hosts like a hotel. A few years ago she stayed for a week, complained there wasn’t a full range of toiletries in the guest bathroom, and let her kids get up and watch telly at 4.30am because they were jet lagged. Woke up the whole household every day before dawn and was unrepentant when challenged.

After that visit I made sure she visits us towards the end of her trip, and not straight off the plane. A mutual friend also confided in me that she always finds an excuse not to host her, because her Dh has point blank refused to have her stay with them.

This year we managed to persuade her to stay in a hotel, and we visited her there. Much better!

Crikey what time was she meeting these friends? Are they all such early birds?

Only once or twice a year! If I liked my friend I’d get up with them and make breakfast.

Think of it as character building 😉

Ok there’s no clattering around and making tea at that time in the morning. If she has time to faff about and make tea then she could get up bit later, slip out quietly and grab a cup of tea on her route somewhere.

Also - does she need to meet the friends that early or is it a long drive? If they are being ridiculous and meeting mikes away at 9am then ask her to push that back until 10am. She needs to be considerate of you.

Can you not just go back to bed when she leaves? I don’t understand people who have such rigid sleep patterns.

Meant to click yabu

It’s fine to say you’d prefer a proper weekend visit.

Maybe they don’t have rigid sleep patterns on purpose? I struggle to get back to sleep if I’m woken around 5.30/6. There’s no way I’d get back to sleep if I got up to see the friend.

Also, OP sounds knackered hosting her and going out with her after work.

One morning out of 365?! Come off it.

So you can understand people have different body clocks and sleep patterns?

I stay up late and sleep in most of the time. Once I’m awake, it’s impossible to get back to sleep. If I wax woken ip after only 5 hours or so sleep, I’d feel like crap all day

Peoples bodies work differently.

Why should she? You seem strangely invested in people being allowed to do as they please in other people's homes.

I think just suck it up. A minor inconvenience twice a year to maintain a good friendship.

You organise your visits to her to get around what you prefer (I always make sure … you’ve commented). Have you considered that your friend finds that annoying and wished you did this differently ’ but tolerated a minor inconvenience a couple times a year became you’re a good friend?

Hosting and visiting is challenging. There’s a balance between being too dependent on the host and treating them like a hotel. And every person has a different idea of where that line is.

I stay with friends both to catch up more, but also to save money. If I have to triple or more the cost of a holiday simple reality is some friends would never be visited again. At that price there are more exciting options.

I don't think her balance of spending time with you and fitting in other people sounds too bad but obviously she should run that past you before she comes. I presume you knew and agreed to her arrangements. Was the 5.30 get up an unusually early start for her during her stays with you - something for a one off event with others that she had to get to by a certain time?
Next time if she wants to leave that early (for a good reason) then ask her to be quieter, maybe she could get a coffee on her journey so no need for kettle noise. Is she slamming the front door on her way out?! Part of this is you're a very light sleeper and weren't feeling the best.

Gosh you seem very invested- are you the friend?

If she doesn't expect you to wake up, can't you just go back to sleep? I really don't think it's a big deal as long as she is being quiet etc.

Your schedules clearly aren't compatible, so next time she wants to stay, you have other plans, or it's not convenient, or you're using the guest room for something else.

Neither of you are being unreasonable. She isn't expecting you to get up - you're obviously a light sleeper and being disturbed. You just don't match with schedules.

You're a very light sleeper. Your friend is not being antisocial by getting up early. If the arrangement doesn't work for you, tell her she'll need to find somewhere else to stay.

If I was the friend I wouldn’t be staying over ever again if it was raised. I wouldn’t fall out over it though, just never stay again as I would feel unwelcome. Sounds like that might suit though.

Jesus....first world problems personified

My heart absolutely BLEEDS

Then calm down and stop getting in a tizzy over such a small thing.