to think getting up as a guest at 5.30am is too antisocial?

[LoisLaneKent]

Once or twice a year, I host a friend for up to a week because she is travelling from a distance.

The last two times she has stayed with me, she has left on a Saturday morning at the crack of dawn. The first time it was to catch a flight but the recently it was just to meet friends in another city and screwed up my sleeping pattern that weekend (with earplugs!).

Am I AIBU to ask her to change her leaving plans in future or should I suck it up and I'm being a moany host!

Honestly this is so churlish. Either host because you enjoy her company and do so without resentment or stop hosting.

I think the issue is the coming in the week thing. She's not actually spending time with you, she's crashing at your house, presumably eating your food and using your water and electricity, then leaving as early as possible when you have a day off to spend with you. It seems like she just wants a place to stay, not actually to see you. I think you need to be firm.

"Sorry, Mon-Fri doesn't work for me as I'm working. If you'd like you meet me for dinner one evening or come to stay on Saturday, it would be lovely to see you."

Once or twice a year??? It wouldn't bother me - I'm awake by 6am most days anyway.

But I suppose you have to work out whether her friendship is worth two mornings a year of earlier than usual waking ...

Agree with this. She’s using your hospitality for her convenience not to spend quality time with you.

You need to tell her midweek doesn’t really work unless it’s preplanned and you can get time off work. Otherwise invite her for the weekend to spend time with you , not just use your time as a free base for her social life.

I no longer stay away as my sleep pattern is completely broken down and I just sleep when want to. I dont stick to any routine.

You could ask if she was planning to lgo early. In which case leave her something for breakfast/tell her to help herself. But you wont be getting up at that time so have a pleasant journey and be sure to close the door.

For one morning every couple of years, can't you put up with it?

Haha me too!

Sometimes I wonder if the people posting here understand what friendship is.

Sounds like you really resent the fact she is ‘on holiday’ while you are working. Perhaps you resent that she has free room and board - does she reciprocate from where she lives so that you get the same perk? If not, in future when she asks to stay, just say no. It doesn’t work for you.

But it’s not friendship if that friend is not socialising with her host is it?

Eh? Just roll over and go back to sleep when she's gone surely?

It’s not clear what your real problem is, OP. Is it that she woke you up early, or that she didn’t stick around to see you?

I think getting up at that time to travel is reasonable depending on how far she is going. If it's a 4 hour drive for example I think that's reasonable. The roads are really quiet at that time so it could reduce her journey time and make the drive nicer. But if I was leaving at 5:30am, I wouldn't use someone's kitchen, I'd just get a coffee or whatever on the drive.

What's the point of her coming?

In my household you suck it up. That’s hosting.

Why can’t she stay with one of her other friends instead of with you?

Minor issue. 🤷‍♀️

I think yabu and not a very good host. It really doesn’t matter

You’re not a bloody hotel so your guest should have been more courteous and quietly got up at a more reasonable hour.

Not if the sound wakes your host. Either put the seat down and leave them to flush later or leave the house and find a toilet in public.

I really can't see however why anyone needs to get up at 5.30 on a day they aren't travelling abroad or working. It's rude to treat someone else's house as a hotel - she could leave the evening before. I'd expect a friend to join me for breakfast and have a bit of a chat before leaving in the morning. Otherwise she's a user, not a friend.

She should get a hotel, she sounds v annoying

Once or twice a year and it screws up your sleeping pattern, what?! I’m up at 5 every day even on no sleep. Life of Riley some people 😂

I couldn’t get annoyed about this. I definitely wouldn’t be telling another adult what time they can get up in the morning. If it’s a huge problem for you then you maybe just have to stop hosting.

She needs to go and stay with them the night before then! Jeez, 05.30 is far too early to be out and about disturbing the house

For the sake of a friendship once or twice a year I wouldn't be bothered by that .. you offered to have her to stay.
If comfortable just ask her if she can go quietly so you can sleep in .