to think getting up as a guest at 5.30am is too antisocial?

[LoisLaneKent]

Once or twice a year, I host a friend for up to a week because she is travelling from a distance.

The last two times she has stayed with me, she has left on a Saturday morning at the crack of dawn. The first time it was to catch a flight but the recently it was just to meet friends in another city and screwed up my sleeping pattern that weekend (with earplugs!).

Am I AIBU to ask her to change her leaving plans in future or should I suck it up and I'm being a moany host!

It’s once or twice a year - no big deal !

She should fit in with your routine imo.

Gosh I don't have anyone to stay that I don't like enough to miss a couple of hours sleep for. Maybe you should be more picky about who you host?

I get your annoyance but it’s a tricky one. Really for a couple of times a year it’s probably easier just to keep quiet and suck it up. But if it really is too big a deal for you could you just say ‘dear friend, Saturday is my only, much looked forward to, lie in of the week, do you think you could possibly not leave until at least 7 as it does always wake me up, thank you’

Tell her goodbye the night before. Set up the coffee machine, leave some store bought muffins out and sleep in 🎉

Sounds like you just don't like hosting her. You are finding fault with every aspect of her stay. Just tell her not to come of it annoys you. If you think someone who stays with you should be your hostage and never see friends, but at the same time think that hosting non stop is exhausting, then she can't win. Just go back to sleep if she wakes you. I don't understand that.

Your house your rules

Did she know you had a very recent bereavement and did she offer to change her plans? I'm shocked she still used your home as a hotel at such a difficult time for you. Grief is brutal, it can make us vulnerable in unpredictable ways. I'm sorry for your loss.

Wouldn’t bother me. I can roll over and go back to sleep so long as I’m not expected to get up to do something.

Do you think you're a bit resentful that she is meeting other people and that is annoying you more than anything else?

A kettle boiling waking you up is your issue tbh.

You sound quite set in your ways and perhaps hosting isn't your strong point.

Same! 😂

Just say goodbye the evening before.

"You think she treats your place like a hotel and didn't have to leave so early just to socialise"
if you feel youve got the right to dictate when she does things and think shes a nuisance just say no next time, tell her the truth, i would have no issues, shes a friend and i would be doing my best to make her feel comfortable and welcome for 2 days of the year

So really, she’s just using you as an hotel. Bad manners.

Why is she waking you up? Nothing wrong with leaving early but to be waking you up is unreasonable.

I’m trying to keep this simple, quid pro quo and all that. It’s two days a year, have you considered you might be a PIA when she accommodates you in return, you have two options

1. put up with it for 2 out of 365 days a year in exchange for staying with her
2. don’t have her and risk losing a friend and a reciprocal accommodation agreement.

Sounds like she’s using you as a hotel. Nip that in the bud.

I agree with you, it is a selfish attitude to get up and leave so early. I used to have a partner who would descend on me at short notice for a short visit, then he would choose to leave before sunrise as if he was some nocturnal creature who had no control over his own hours!

That then meant I could not get back to sleep and it wrecked my work day and income. And he habitually did it each time he visited, even though he was aware it caused me to be too tired to work.

I'd say ask her to get up two hours later because you end up wide awake but too tired to function.

Definitely!!

Was she being especially loud? For one night Id let it go. She’s only there a week.

😂😂😂

It’s a tricky one, but I do think she needs to appreciate that 530 is really early so she should be slipping straight out, no kettle boiling, nothing.

You seem obsessed with OP sucking things up as it's only 2 days a year.

You don't know what she's got going on, she could be balls to the wall at work and absolutely exhausted, and therefore one bad sleep has a large impact.

I have some health issues, two jobs, dogs to walk and a toddler to look after which means rest time is very valuable. One bad sleep knocks out my whole week. If you told me to "suck it up", I'd tell you exactly where to go.

For next time could you welcome her to stay but advise that she needs to leave by the Friday as you’ve plans at the weekend? (Plans to sleep haha). Then it allows you your restful weekend but also to still maintain contact?

You sound completely unsuited to hosting anybody. Maybe she should book in somewhere instead, then she can (shock horror!) get up early and (oh my god, the humanity!) make a cup of tea early without so massively inconveniencing you 😆