to think getting up as a guest at 5.30am is too antisocial?

[LoisLaneKent]

Once or twice a year, I host a friend for up to a week because she is travelling from a distance.

The last two times she has stayed with me, she has left on a Saturday morning at the crack of dawn. The first time it was to catch a flight but the recently it was just to meet friends in another city and screwed up my sleeping pattern that weekend (with earplugs!).

Am I AIBU to ask her to change her leaving plans in future or should I suck it up and I'm being a moany host!

Surely 5:30 is a normal time that most people rise at ?

As long as she tiptoes out, I don't see the problem.

Tell her to book a hotel room

If you're close then shouldn't make it awkward to address it just tell her she needs to be a bit more considerate

Just casually remark before you go to bed that you've had a tough week at work, so please don't make too much noise when you get up to leave in the morning.

Do you not find it easy to get back to sleep? If you have insomnia or something I could understand but if no underlying issues like that I’d say (with kindness) get a grip if it’s two nights a year! Especially for a flight because it could be a cost thing. You could make a gentle joke about her early mornings and she how she reacts. That all said once I hit my thirties I swore I’d never book a ridiculous early flight again because it’s worth paying a few extra quid to fly at a reasonable time!

But Mumsnet would offer slim pickings if posters communicated with their 'friends' instead of posting about them!

I’d be having an afternoon nap to catch up.

Hard agree. I wouldn't get up at 5.30 in someone else's house because a) I'd be worried about disturbing them up and b) it's using someone's house like a hotel. You've every right to be annoyed, and I think you're going to have to tell her as tactfully as you can.

It sounds as if this were not a good time for you to be hosting, irrespective of your friend being an early riser. I'm sorry for your loss

it is rude

You sound like you shouldn’t be hosting

id just be delighted she left before I got up to be honest. Guests lose appeal very quickly with me.

Are you sure you aren't being made use of?

Hiya,

for a flight, I would say it is ok as earlier is cheaper by far sometimes.
for meeting friends…yeah, it isn’t great especially because if she stays at yours and she is out evenings…and supposedly you worked all week, when do you see her? If the plan is for her to come and sleep at yours with no plan to spend time with her…would be hard for you to say you want her not to go when she wants…alternatively…propose a breakfast Sat morning with you to make sure she sticks around and not wake you up?

There are ways around without falling out.

I dont see a issue with this either put up with it or dont host again

Stop hosting her then! You're not a hotel. You were unavailable that week as you were working. On top of working and hosting she was unkind enough to wake you early. That would be it for me, she's started taking you for granted, treating your home like a hotel and basically taking the piss. In future, she can get an actual hotel and you can be one of the people she catches up with over dinner one evening. I wouldn't be wearing earplugs to deal with the noise of someone who doesn't live in my home. You won't have a noise problem if she's in a hotel!

I'm not sure on this, she stays at your house for a week but your at work and she goes out with friends, (is that daytime or evening?) while she's at yours then leaves very early on the day your at home? Maybe ask her if she can't stay the extra day so you have a rest and get to spend some time with her. Otherwise, put earplugs in on the night as she leaves so early next morning.

For me, this would be a complete non-issue. I think part of good hosting is putting yourself out for the guest when that is needed, and being woken at 5:30am twice a year is not a big deal. I would also have no problem with someone who is staying for more than a night or two going out with other people. Firstly, it gives me a breather from hosting, and I don't consider it necessary for a friendship for people to be glued together at all times.

I suspect the real reason this got to you this time, OP, is the bereavement. You just didn't have the energy for hosting at this time. Sorry for your loss.

I think that not disturbing and disrupting your host is the least that a guest should do, especially if it’s for as long as a week. I think that your guest should inform you of their plans when they arrive, to make sure they fit in with you, it’s just basic courtesy.

Prosecco could be your friend.

After a few glasses, you won't give a F what time your friend gets up or goes to bed...

Precious princess being woken up, ….

Obviously not.

Once or twice a year and if you know (in other words before they arrive), I think ok. I agree about being quiet when getting up.

‘I’m so sorry - I can’t have you to stay this time. I’m absolutely under the cosh at work and really need my long lies to recover at weekends. Would a Premier Inn work for you? I could send a link’