Greedy husband?

[Bunchofcoconuts]

Does your husband expect to eat more than you?
Over the years I have always accepted the fact that my DH expects to have a much larger portion of food than me. He has always said that because he is much taller and of a larger build that he needs more. This is fine most of the time and if we are eating at home I just cater for his large appetite. It becomes more of a problem when we are away and eating out and I feel that this is almost leading to a food disorder as I tend to pack secret cereal bars in my luggage as I worry about being left hungry.
For example whilst away last week we met friends for wine and pizza. As the pizza's in this particular establishment are large we agreed to share one per couple. I was quite surprised as I would say my DH had at least two thirds of the pizza we shared, whilst the other couple split theirs down the middle.
This has made me question the fact that he always takes the lions share of food and I guess I just want to ask if this is the case in other people's relationships?

Why are you letting your DH dictate how much you eat? Assuming you are not really struggling financially (which I am reading you are not, given going out for pizzas) you should both be 100% in charge of what you each eat individually, and giving no fucks about what the other person is eating. If I went out and we shared a pizza and I was still hungry, I would order another one (or pudding, or something else).

You should have got a pizza each!

I would expect an average man to eat more than an average woman, yes. They will have greater calorie needs.

I wouldn't expect two adults to split one main course between them and have enough food. The problem here is that you ordered one meal for two people.

I don't think how much he eats is relevant. what's relevant is whether you are getting enough. Afte ryou had 1/3 of the pizza, did you feel satisfied or not? Because if not, then there's a problem. If you do, then there isn't. The fact that you take cereal bars with you suggests that yes, he regularly eats YOUR food, leaving you hungry. In which case, the answer is to say, "no, this is my food. If you're still hungry, order something extra."

He eats much more than me. If I ate as much as him I would be overweight

If you are eating out order the amounts you both need.

Greedy or hungry? It does make sense that he needs more food than you do if he's much bigger.

However, in the case you gave where you were out for pizza, why didn't you just speak up? Or if a pizza between two won't be enough, get a side as well.

I know I couldn't often share food with my father or DS as they eat fast and need a lot of food. If we do do a communal type meal, I'll remind them that I eat slower so can they leave me xy&z please. Or we'll discuss before ordering. Communication is key. To be fair to them both, they would also offer me anything they know I like and would ask before finishing anything in a shared meal.

The obvious answer is to get two pizzas? Is your husband overweight? If not, he's not being greedy, he just needs more food.

Why is he policing how much you eat?

Surely if you are hungry, you just eat/order more food??

No not at all, DH would split things down the middle. He does the cooking at home and will give me the choice piece of meat/yorkshire/whatever as well, because he's very sweet.

If your DH is a big eater why do neither of you suggest ordering more food, or acknowledge sharing doesn't work? You shouldn't be going hungry OP!

But why only order one pizza? You know he could easily eat a whole one or almost a whole one? So if you want half a pizza or more you'll need a second one.

Is he really saying he needs more food than you specifically? Or he just has a bigger appetite? Would he stop you dishing up same sized portions for yourself? Would you eat a portion that big?

I mean how could he stop you, it's your food that you cooked?!

To me I'd just accept he's greedy but I wouldn't let him take food out of my mouth!

My husband needs more calories than me to maintain a stable weight - he would lose eating what I eat

this is normal biology but somehow along the way people started seeing that as unfair

but yes was it enough ? And if not why didn’t you order some sides or puddings?

1/3 2/3 seems quite extreme split 55-45% would be in line with average calorie needs

There is no rule. I eat more than dh sometimes. For the pizza I would have asked him if half would be enough for him. I could easily eat one pizza myself but a half would be enough. Less than that I would have ordered a side.Why have you let him believe you need so little food?

Dont share food with him, just order your own. Doesnt matter if the other couple are sharing!

It sounds like he's inconsiderate not just hungry

You shouldn't ever be in a position where you're needing to hide snacks or be hungry because of him

Well it's fine that he eats more than you - he's larger and has a greater appetite, that sounds normal. Also fine that he has a larger portion at home, assuming that whoever cooks is making enough to satisfy both appetites. My DP eats slightly more than me, but that's fine, I make enough for both of us, and just dish up a slightly larger plate for him.

But eating out is different. You should both be ordering what you need to fill you. So if you agree to share a pizza, he needs to know that he's only getting half (because you need half), so needs to order sides if he wants more. Alternatively, order a full pizza each, and you get a box to take half yours home.

Not strange that he would need more food.
Very very strange that when you are away or out you have to pack snacks as you are not “left” with enough food. Why not just order enough that you both get enough food?

Regardless of appetite he is definitely a bit selfish and ill mannered if you are sharing something and he doesn’t check that you’ve got enough.

My dh is extremely tall and has a very fast metabolism. Compared to me he does obviously need way more food (I have a hearty appetite myself!) He also absolutely loves food and eats huge portions.
However, he is extremely kind and generous and would never see me be hungry. He would always offer/give me the last bit of food and go without himself if necessary etc.

So the problem with your scenario is not that your DH needs to eat a lot of food; either, it’s that he is selfish and not considering you, or you’ve made a martyr of yourself and he genuinely thinks you only need tiny amounts and doesn’t at all think you’re feeling hard done by.

You need to sit down and speak up for yourself! let him know about you carrying cereal bars as him taking some of your share of the food leaves you without having enough and feeling hungry still. Spell it out so that he is fully aware. If his behaviour then doesn’t change once he is aware then he is a selfish prick.

My dh is about 4 stone heavier than me and does a more physical job, so yes he does eat quite a bit more than me. If we were eating out though we order what we want and think we can eat. In your circumstance if you knew it was going to be an issue you should’ve ordered more.

So when you cook do you not give yourself the amount of food that you want to eat?

'It becomes more of a problem when we are away and eating out and I feel that this is almost leading to a food disorder as I tend to pack secret cereal bars in my luggage as I worry about being left hungry.'
Can you just clarify this - i can see how in the pizza situation you ended up with less (even though I think its rude and uncaring of your DH not to check how much you needed and confused as to why you wouldnt order sides or a second pizza) but how would this happen with regular meals out, or are you always at tapas/sharing style places? If you both order main meals, does he just help himself to your food?

Being hungry and greedy is different isn't it? I can't eat what my husband eats but if we were sharing a pizza we would probably get some sides he would never leave me hungry or take more than his share, you need to speak up op your husband might not know you are still hungry.

My 6’2” dh can easily eat twice as much as me. All without gaining excess.
We often split mains 50/50 but he would order himself an extra starter (soup/salad).

Maybe the pizza example is a bit of a red herring - you were out with friends, so maybe there was a cost/politeness issue in that they were happy to share a pizza so you felt you should too.
I'm curious what happens if you went out just the two of you, and ordered the exact same meal. Would he expect you to give him something off your plate because he needs more food than you? In other words, is he always comparing your plate and his and expecting to have more than you (=greedy), or is he happy if his plate is enough to sate him (=just large appetite)?

My ex would always eat a bit more than me - through both of our choices - and I would tend to give my current DP a bit more too (he has a physical job also). We just make sure we cook enough to cater for both of us. If it's a limited shared meal though, DP will always share 50/50 (eg a ready meal for 2). If I knew he was a bit greedy with food, I'd decline to share anything limited (eg the pizza) with him and get 2 individual ones even if more expensive.

It's crazy that you're packing secret cereal bars when you go away! Can you not just get whatever meal you want and he gets what he wants and you maybe give each other a taste but basically eat your own food only? If he wants more he can get more sides or more filling dishes (like a pie rather than a fish dish).

One pizza between two people- just order enough for 2 of you. He doesn’t sound greedy at all, just an average man.

If he wants more than half then you should order one each.