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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not expect our dc to just buy us a house regardless of our living situation

207 replies

Delacorde · 11/11/2025 12:58

Ok so the short story is me dh and 2 dc live in a HA house that has turned out to be a nightmare due to living next door to complete nightmares for neighbours. We have experienced ASB at it’s finest but the HA aren’t interested in helping. So we saved up a small deposit to buy a house and we found one, paid to have a survey done, got approved for a mortgage we could (just) about afford and all was looking good but sadly due to complications on the sellers end and personal issues due to a divorce we are 9 months down the line and things haven’t progressed. We can’t walk away as we realistically cannot afford anything else. We viewed a couple other properties in our price range but they needed tons of money spending on them money we just don’t have. So this is where the AIBU comes into it.

Our ds age 23 who still lives with us invested in stocks/shares/crypto a few years ago and is doing very well for himself. I think the last time her brought up the subject they have (before they pay their tax bill in January) around £4M. He’s doing amazing and considering ds is very shy, hated uni, and isn’t a people person as such they have found their niche what their good at and plan on investing eg buying property. I honestly couldn’t be prouder of him.

So because of how well he is doing I’ve hard various friends and family members including my parents dsis and db ask me why I don’t just ask my ds to buy us a house and we pay him back like we would a mortgage. I was like no just no! I mean that money is for his future and why should he pay (literally) for our bad and stupid life choices eg renting all our lives and not getting on the ladder when houses were cheaper. It’s not his responsibility after all to look after us in such a way. Yet my friends and family think em and dh are ridiculous for not at least asking ds. Your thoughts?

OP posts:
SriouslyWhutNow · 11/11/2025 13:10

Crypto totally crashed in 2021, it has never stabilized properly since, big fairytale gains haven’t happened in a long time and no one has really done well out of it since. Additionally, you only pay tax on investments when you cash them out. Are you sure you know where this money has come from?! I wouldn’t take a house under these circs, I don’t think this money will pass AML checks.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 11/11/2025 13:12

He's got 4mill in such a short space of time...and he lives with you?

SriouslyWhutNow · 11/11/2025 13:12

God knows why they automatically hid my reply, it was intended as useful advice! Maybe this one will go too… who knows…

Crazybigtoe · 11/11/2025 13:13

No. I wouldn't ask.

BaronessBomburst · 11/11/2025 13:13

Reported, based on post content and username

Delacorde · 11/11/2025 16:13

Yes he’s made that much but it’s not all from crypto.

OP posts:
Delacorde · 11/11/2025 16:49

Yes @Idontjetwashthefucker he does surprisingly so. He has said he plans on moving out eventually but he’s quite happy at home at the moment and he contributes monthly to the household and is no bother so it course he’s happy to stay in his home as long as he likes.

OP posts:
vellichoria · 11/11/2025 16:59

BaronessBomburst · 11/11/2025 13:13

Reported, based on post content and username

Just out of curiousity what is wrong with the content and the username? I think I may be living under a rock 😊

Biscoffbiscuits · 11/11/2025 17:02

Delacorde · 11/11/2025 16:13

Yes he’s made that much but it’s not all from crypto.

Well done him. Our DS is on a similar trajectory and hopes to retire in a couple of years at 50. I’m surprised your son hasn’t offered. He must know how helpful it would be. I think you have to be brave and raise the subject … nothing ventured nothing gained. Offer to repay with interest just like a mortgage. As he is not risk averse he might very well take you up on the investment. He could be a part owner but that would perhaps mess up his capital gains tax liability.

MeatAndTwoVag · 11/11/2025 17:05

No offence, OP, but your son doesn't have £4M in actual money.

Asctreow · 11/11/2025 17:06

If the money is real, it would be very odd indeed of him not to offer. I'd expect it to be the first thing on his mind, as soon as he knew there were problems with buying the house.

tensmum1964 · 11/11/2025 17:13

If I had access to 4 million I would without hesitation buy a property for my child. I will probably get some backlash for this, but if my son was sat on 4 Mil and didn't buy me a house, knowing that im struggling, I would honestly feel like I had failed as a parent. Not because your children owe you anything, but because 4 million is a huge amount, that no one person needs in a lifetime so why on earth wouldn't he want to make your life easier.

Gair · 11/11/2025 17:15

Wow! That's a lot of money.

If he knows your situation, and really has made the money, I wonder why he has not already offered? Even if he gave you a loan to buy a house which you repaid monthly, he would still have plenty of money to continue to invest.

I'm a bit suprised that an adult with £4 million in assets would be allowed to occupy a space in a HA property tbh.

333FionaG · 11/11/2025 17:17

Are you sure this 4 million quid exists?

GAJLY · 11/11/2025 17:20

You could ask him to buy a home for you both but in his name. When you die, he'll get it back at a higher value. Property investments are great for high returns. That way it's a win win 🏆 for everyone! Just ask him.

InBedBy10 · 11/11/2025 17:20

Firstly why do your friends and family know his finances? That's not something I'd discuss with anyone and I'd be really pissed off if parents were telling everyone such personal information.

Secondly you are either lying or your son is. I dont believe for a second he has 4 million.

Delacorde · 11/11/2025 17:21

No @MeatAndTwoVag he has 3m in his current/savings account and just over 1m in a safe crytpo wallet.

OP posts:
CrispyKnees · 11/11/2025 17:22

I’d have hoped to have brought my DS up well enough that he’d offer to buy us a house in your DS’s circumstances OP!

He lives there himself, is aware of the issues with the neighbours which must make life a complete misery and cause a lot of stress, he is aware your finances are restricted but he’s still sitting on £4 million while benefitting from not paying the amount on rent and bills he’d paying if he wasn’t living with his parents and no doubt having cooking and cleaning done for him.

If he’s that savvy, he should know a house is an investment which is more secure than crypto currently. He could give you an interest in it at least or put down a large deposit to reduce a joint mortgage which could be ring fenced to him.

Delacorde · 11/11/2025 17:23

@333FionaG Absolutely. I’ve seen it in black and white. He isn’t showy in fact he lives very very frugally hardly spends anything on himself etc but I asked how he was doing one day and he said take a look and shown me the he balances he had.

OP posts:
Silvertulips · 11/11/2025 17:25

Would the divorcing couple take cash lump sum to move out so you can complete?

Maybe your DS could sub £1000 to get the ball rolling?

There are other ways than fully in!!

Worth a shot!

Delacorde · 11/11/2025 17:27

You don’t have to believe it @InBedBy10 nor do you have to comment. When I said friends and family I mean my parents siblings and ds told them about it himself and then two childhood friends of mine. No one else knows. You can chose to believe it or not. I’m not really concerned either way. I wouldn’t fabricate a story like that.

OP posts:
AintNoPunshineWhenShesGone · 11/11/2025 17:28

Delacorde · 11/11/2025 17:23

@333FionaG Absolutely. I’ve seen it in black and white. He isn’t showy in fact he lives very very frugally hardly spends anything on himself etc but I asked how he was doing one day and he said take a look and shown me the he balances he had.

Why do so many people know about his personal finances?

user427654 · 11/11/2025 17:30

Delacorde · 11/11/2025 17:21

No @MeatAndTwoVag he has 3m in his current/savings account and just over 1m in a safe crytpo wallet.

Why would you keep so much in your current account where it hardly earns any interest?

Delacorde · 11/11/2025 17:30

Possibly @Silvertulips although from speaking with their estate agent they (mostly the ex wife) seem to be taking pleasure in fighting out the finances. I mean any normal person/people would try and agree on how to split the proceeds of the sale before putting it on the market. We only found out about their issues once we had a survey done and paid for a roofer, electrician and has engineer to go into he property and assess it. Gutted wasn’t the word for how we were left feeling and how we’ve been eft feeling for all these months.

OP posts:
Happyjoe · 11/11/2025 17:31

I presume he is aware of the house buying problem and didn't offer, so he, I presume, doesn't want to. I wouldn't ask imo.

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