To not expect our dc to just buy us a house regardless of our living situation

[Delacorde]

Ok so the short story is me dh and 2 dc live in a HA house that has turned out to be a nightmare due to living next door to complete nightmares for neighbours. We have experienced ASB at it’s finest but the HA aren’t interested in helping. So we saved up a small deposit to buy a house and we found one, paid to have a survey done, got approved for a mortgage we could (just) about afford and all was looking good but sadly due to complications on the sellers end and personal issues due to a divorce we are 9 months down the line and things haven’t progressed. We can’t walk away as we realistically cannot afford anything else. We viewed a couple other properties in our price range but they needed tons of money spending on them money we just don’t have. So this is where the AIBU comes into it.

Our ds age 23 who still lives with us invested in stocks/shares/crypto a few years ago and is doing very well for himself. I think the last time her brought up the subject they have (before they pay their tax bill in January) around £4M. He’s doing amazing and considering ds is very shy, hated uni, and isn’t a people person as such they have found their niche what their good at and plan on investing eg buying property. I honestly couldn’t be prouder of him.

So because of how well he is doing I’ve hard various friends and family members including my parents dsis and db ask me why I don’t just ask my ds to buy us a house and we pay him back like we would a mortgage. I was like no just no! I mean that money is for his future and why should he pay (literally) for our bad and stupid life choices eg renting all our lives and not getting on the ladder when houses were cheaper. It’s not his responsibility after all to look after us in such a way. Yet my friends and family think em and dh are ridiculous for not at least asking ds. Your thoughts?

There are lots of things here that don’t add up.

but in direct response it’s not unreasonable to ask. But why don’t you position it that he buys a property that you rent from him with a lifetime rental agreement. Then you all have a better home and he can invest some of his apparent savings in a material asset without giving anything away.

it’s a bit odd that a very young man has the knowledge to make £4M in crypto but doesn’t have the clout to invest it and improve his families life.

its also odd that a young man living at home with such money is not causing you to be more challenging and concerned as to where it’s coming from and the financial advice he’s receiving (or not)

nor forgetting that lots of crypto is unethically funding illegal activities in black market pharma, global prostitution rackets, pedophile rings, drug cartels and more.

but capitalism, blah blah blah.

Which bank was it OP?

If it’s true, this would raise huge red flags during AML checks and we wouldn’t touch it at my firm.

Even that is very naive. If I really believed my 24yo son had made £4m from nothing without leaving his room, I'd be terrified about what he'd got himself mixed up in.

How do you think he's done it?

I think the question is, if your son has made that much money, what does he want/plan to do with it, OP? Maybe it would be worth having a conversation with him around that.

Real estate is a pretty safe investment. He must surely have goals and plans? It doesn't make sense to just have it sit there, doing nothing. And I understand if he wants to turn it into more, but that doesn't happen with it in a current account, so it's not that.

What's the end goal for him? And does it really end with 4 of you in a too small house with anti social neighbours for the rest of your lives?

So going by your updates OP it’s all fine! Great news!!!!

He really has the money: Brilliant!
He just didn’t realise you needed money: Also brilliant!

So all you need to do is ask him for a loan.

If only all problems were this easily solved!

@Delacorde ignore PPs OP they don’t have a clue. My DH is your DS. He turned £300 into circa. 8m in the last 6 years, and yes, he made 1.1m in one evening.

I know it seems so simple that he would just offer to buy you somewhere, but honestly he will be thinking of the bigger picture. Why buy somewhere now, when you could all be set for life in a few years time?

@Delacorde Our ds age 23 who still lives with us invested in stocks/shares/crypto a few years ago and is doing very well for himself. I think the last time her brought up the subject they have (before they pay their tax bill in January) around £4M. He’s doing amazing and considering ds is very shy, hated uni, and isn’t a people person as such they have found their niche what their good at and plan on investing eg buying property. I honestly couldn’t be prouder of him.**

Cryptocurrency is glorified gambling. No one knows how much 1 bitcoin is actually worth. No one knows if 1 bitcoin will be worth 1 million in 10 years time, or 1 p. Before 2017, no one knew the price of bitcoin would explode to about £10,000 per coin. And after that massive price spike happened, no one knew the price of bitcoin would continue to rise to £80,000 per coin.

It's great that DS has made enough money for him to live comfortably for the rest of his life (assuming he invests it into a stocks and shares ISA for steady growth), but your DS has not found what he is good at.

Coincidentally wasn’t a Britcoin criminal just caught for attempting to buy a house with money from crypto. I doubt the money would pass UK money laundering checks.

How's he going to put £4m into an ISA? 🤣

Thank you @RomeoRivers I’m happy that someone has had first hand experience of this and can share that it can and really does happen. I feel rather upset that my ds has been accused of lying and I’ve been told i‘m naive something I never really considered myself to be. I take my ds at face value and he has no reason to lie to me. People accusing him of using this as cover to sit gaming in his room all day when in reality he sold both his Xbox and PS years back and put the money in Crypto. I just give up trying to explain myself and his situation.

I’m sorry but NO ONE makes £8m from £300 😆

How do you know @LiveToTell have you tried to do this? My ds started off with a few hundred pounds literally!

I can assure you, sat in my mortgage free £2m house, that they absolutely can. Whether you believe me or not, is irrelevant.

😂

OP it’s great you believe your son… but you’re also not listening to the posters on this thread. Making 1.6m in a day is highly implausible unless you’re putting in a vast amount of capital to begin with. These numbers you’re speaking of are too vast for a young person who is just saving and investing what presumably started as a pretty low income 5 years ago. He’s either operating in a very risky environment and is incredibly lucky (gambling- day trading is akin to gambling) or may be involved in something not above board. Or he’s bullshitting you. Or you are confused and he’s doing well but nowhere at the levels you’re talking about.

While an adult, he’s still young and still living with you. Why aren’t you more interested in what he’s doing here? 3m in a current account is ridiculous… you should be more engaged in what is happening here.

Simple fact is accruing millions in investments takes TIME. Decades. Certainly doesn’t give you 1.6m overnight.

you need to be more engaged in what’s happening under your roof.

@RomeoRivers your husband is a programmer who owns his own company. You’ve said you get your money from there. But you’re a SAHM and you’ve only been together 7yrs. And have had 3 kids in that time. I’d suspect there’s a lot you’re going to find out in due course too….

Just ask him for a bit of help then. If he says no, you'll know he's awful or lying (or both).

how could he claim UC if he’s got 4m in the bank this post gets stranger by the minute.

Happened to a friend of mine at school. Her dad eventually got found out and imprisoned and they all lost everything. Obviously not crypto back then but other nefarious deals.

Holding £3 million in a single account means the vast majority of that money would not be protected if the bank failed. Wealthy individuals usually spread their money across multiple institutions to ensure it is fully protected, or use government-backed options like NS&I where every penny is backed by the state, often with limits of £1 million or more.

Ignore them; people love to attack things they don’t understand, it just shows their ignorance.

I completely understand where your family are coming from. Perhaps you could speak to your son about what he’s aiming for?

He has done extraordinarily well OP. DH was a currency trader for 30 years with one of the ‘big’ banks. They had a look at crypto when it all started, to see if their professional traders, with all the access to info and the banks systems/capital could make it viable. DH was trading it professionally, on their behalf for a couple of years. They concluded absolutely not. DH hasn’t touched it since.

@Lovingbooks he doesn’t claim any benefits that’s my point! Someone said he likely doesn’t have this money and instead claims UC and I said that all he would get in UC is £280 a month ish and he pays me more than that in rent. So if he doesn’t have money from crypto how is he managing to pay for his own weekly food shop, clothes, shoes holidays etc. How about you read my post properly next time!

Congratulations you’re able to use the search button- what’s your point? I’ve known him for nearly 15yrs.