To not expect our dc to just buy us a house regardless of our living situation

[Delacorde]

Ok so the short story is me dh and 2 dc live in a HA house that has turned out to be a nightmare due to living next door to complete nightmares for neighbours. We have experienced ASB at it’s finest but the HA aren’t interested in helping. So we saved up a small deposit to buy a house and we found one, paid to have a survey done, got approved for a mortgage we could (just) about afford and all was looking good but sadly due to complications on the sellers end and personal issues due to a divorce we are 9 months down the line and things haven’t progressed. We can’t walk away as we realistically cannot afford anything else. We viewed a couple other properties in our price range but they needed tons of money spending on them money we just don’t have. So this is where the AIBU comes into it.

Our ds age 23 who still lives with us invested in stocks/shares/crypto a few years ago and is doing very well for himself. I think the last time her brought up the subject they have (before they pay their tax bill in January) around £4M. He’s doing amazing and considering ds is very shy, hated uni, and isn’t a people person as such they have found their niche what their good at and plan on investing eg buying property. I honestly couldn’t be prouder of him.

So because of how well he is doing I’ve hard various friends and family members including my parents dsis and db ask me why I don’t just ask my ds to buy us a house and we pay him back like we would a mortgage. I was like no just no! I mean that money is for his future and why should he pay (literally) for our bad and stupid life choices eg renting all our lives and not getting on the ladder when houses were cheaper. It’s not his responsibility after all to look after us in such a way. Yet my friends and family think em and dh are ridiculous for not at least asking ds. Your thoughts?

Nobody who invested in bitcoin in the last 4 years has lost money (unless they sold)

A strong contender for DHOTYA.

£4m??????

And you collectively are suffering through antisocial neighbours...

In london you could.buy 2 decent houses for 1.5m. One for him and one for you lot.

I think this is bizarre. That much money should also be diversified (ie not all in one thing to reduce volitility)

If this is real You are doing your son a huge diservice to let him just chunter on he needs to diversify and get some actual financial advice.

And so say all of us!

@vellichoriaMNHQ have dealt with it. The OP has a new username.

No one has said you have to believe it @Screwyousimon but at the same time no one made you comment either. I don’t need to make up stories but you think what you like. I honestly can’t believe people are questioning it. Is no one allowed to do well (financially speaking) in life?

Well….in some ways you ARE his keeper, and he is acting like an arse.

So he has £3M in a current account and is happy to continue living in a house where the neighbours make your lives a misery? 🤔

Right!? No one who knew what they were doing with money would leave 3M in a SAVINGS account.

Of course people are allowed to do well. Many of us do. We wouldn't leave £3m sitting in our current accounts, so it's just quite surprising. To the point it's making us wonder if you have the whole story.

Eh?

If this is real, then yes, I would expect your son with £4 million who is choosing still to live with you five years into adulthood to use a small part of his fortune to secure you a permanent home. This doesn’t have to be a home he gifts to you - he could own it and allow you to live there. It reflects extremely poorly on the son you raised that this doesn’t seem to have occurred to him.

You're having a giraffe!

As I said before, I don’t think it’s you that is making it up. Your son is

And, in the spirit of trying to be helpful. If your son does in fact have that amount in the bank, the bank might very well be tripping over itself to give him a line of credit as a decent interest rate. Perhaps he could set that up and use it to help you?

My ds doesn’t need to lie and neither do I. He invested quite a bit of his savings into it years back and has had a few very large “wins” but mostly it has been slow and steady. I think the most he made in one evening was 1.6 or 1.7M (we seen it in black and white) and then other times he’s made 50k in a day or 3k in a day. It varies massively from what I gather.

So young man who has made £4m by investing is keeping £3m in cash? 🤣

I'd also be ashamed to have that much money and have my parents living like that.

But irrespective of whether he "buys you a house" You need a sit down and a conversation with him about what he is doing with that as it needs diversifying.
He also probably needs a will

You 'seen' it in black and white but can't remember the exact amount?

OP, don't engage with thick nit picking posts. Worth a chat as to whether he can support moving the process along at a min.

I live in a council flat with vile neighbours. If my adult son was sitting on £3m he absolutely would not hesitate to buy me a house. Even if it was just a fairly modest one. He'd inherit it anyway. I can't believe your son has watched you struggle to save up for a deposit or that he is completely oblivious to the horrible neighbours and your anxiety. Surely there'd be a "light bulb" moment in his head that he could solve the whole bloody lot by writing a cheque. C'mon OP, surely you can see that this isn't ringing true for a lot of posters on here.

Ok, how much is the house you are buying to put this into context? Again, he is an adult & you should be able to talk to him about this. It’s not unreasonable for him to contribute in some way if he’s going to live there. Instead of paying a monthly amount since he fends for himself, you could ask for a lump sum?

To make £1.6m in one day you’d need to have invested over £8m and that would be on an extremely good day with a 20% return. Most days, most investors don’t make anywhere near that.

You're going to take a loan out anyway and pay the mortgage...why don't you just take a loan out with your DS ... He enjoys staying with you as a family so you can all move out into a better place and in time you can start paying him back. Makes sense ...ask him and see what he says, a couple of hundred thousand from his 4M won't leave him poor and he will still have plenty to see into the future and his investments etc, you will also be paying him back. I don't see the issue and I'm even more surprised he hasn't offered.

He hasn’t offered because he DOESNT HAVE IT. It’s patently clear!