To not expect our dc to just buy us a house regardless of our living situation

[Delacorde]

Ok so the short story is me dh and 2 dc live in a HA house that has turned out to be a nightmare due to living next door to complete nightmares for neighbours. We have experienced ASB at it’s finest but the HA aren’t interested in helping. So we saved up a small deposit to buy a house and we found one, paid to have a survey done, got approved for a mortgage we could (just) about afford and all was looking good but sadly due to complications on the sellers end and personal issues due to a divorce we are 9 months down the line and things haven’t progressed. We can’t walk away as we realistically cannot afford anything else. We viewed a couple other properties in our price range but they needed tons of money spending on them money we just don’t have. So this is where the AIBU comes into it.

Our ds age 23 who still lives with us invested in stocks/shares/crypto a few years ago and is doing very well for himself. I think the last time her brought up the subject they have (before they pay their tax bill in January) around £4M. He’s doing amazing and considering ds is very shy, hated uni, and isn’t a people person as such they have found their niche what their good at and plan on investing eg buying property. I honestly couldn’t be prouder of him.

So because of how well he is doing I’ve hard various friends and family members including my parents dsis and db ask me why I don’t just ask my ds to buy us a house and we pay him back like we would a mortgage. I was like no just no! I mean that money is for his future and why should he pay (literally) for our bad and stupid life choices eg renting all our lives and not getting on the ladder when houses were cheaper. It’s not his responsibility after all to look after us in such a way. Yet my friends and family think em and dh are ridiculous for not at least asking ds. Your thoughts?

There’s so much about this thread that really irks me. My Dad was a complete arse to me all my life and when he lost everything, I bailed him out to the tune of £96k! I remortgaged my house, took loans to get him out of a terrible situation. He passed away a few years later and I’ve just about cleared the debt I took on to help him. He didn’t deserve my help but something inside me told me to do it. The fact that your son is £3m liquid, still living in a HA property and not offered to buy you a house outright is disgraceful. It doesn’t haven’t to be an expensive property but something lovely yet modest and safe. I’d be sending him his marching orders if he were mine OP. Where is his moral compass?! Speaking of which, he has the means to free up a HA property to someone else in need when we have a housing crisis.

If he actually made 1.6 in one day, I would seriously be worried he’s involved in rug pulls and similar type schemes.

If he has all that money, is only offering a couple of hundred in rent and no other help, that’s really quite selfish

What on earth do you think he's investing in and how much do you think he's investing to make £1.6m in an evening?

I'm sorry OP, your family are challenging him because it's just not true. You have to have put in millions (and risk losing millions) to get results like that.

Perhaps you should suggest he speaks to a financial advisor if he’s keeping such a lot in one account. It isn’t sensible.

I don’t see anything too wrong with asking for a loan so you can get yourselves set up in a new place. If you have a good relationship. He might say no. Also fine.

If my DS had 4m I wouldn't have to ask, he'd have offered. I expect people might be a little judgy of him if you've shared both his wealth and your struggles with them. Probably better to have kept both to yourself really because it's the sort of situation people will have an opinion on.

Just be aware that it is very difficult to get money made on investments particularly in crypto through AML checks. I say this from personal experience - despite having similar amounts acquired through completely legal means within the UK and iwth clear evidence, no mortgage lender would touch us unless as a buy to let. Also he is liable for CGT on that money.

It might not be @ginasevern but I honestly don’t know what else I can say to convince you not that of course I need to do that. My ds is a very honest person he always has been even as a child. I have no reason to doubt him. He’s frugal but he has a goal to get to from what I gather and despite having that money he isn’t overly materialistic. His bedroom is for example very very basic. I mean he had fancier furniture/bed/mattresses/decor when he was a child and me and my dh were of course paying for it all. He has always been low maintenance and extremely routine led so much so we have questioned whether he could be on the spectrum the same as his sister. He is a lovely “lad” always has been but yes he can be very oblivious to things including other people’s feelings and predicaments.

Absolutely. Not achievable without investing tens of millions. And risking it all.

Why hasn't he even offered?

Millions of quid in the bank and he lives in his parents HA property, sitting by whilst a house purchase doesn't go through having already invested in property himself?
Either he is the biggest Billy bullshitter known to man and he is taking you for mugs or he is the dimmest, most tight arsed fucker known to man! I wouldn't be thrilled if my son was either of those tbh🤷‍♀️

If he wants to buy you a house then let him.
Plenty pop stars buy their famiy a property
He can buy one f9r you and one for him
Next door if wants you close
Dont see the issue

He has always been low maintenance and extremely routine led so much so we have questioned whether he could be on the spectrum the same as his sister.

Even less likely to be a risk taking investor then. Does he have a job op?

Out of interest where do you put £3m if not in a bank?

Serious question. Like, do you mean you would buy property or something?

Would he be willing to invest in the house purchase? So he pays a percentage of the house deposit eg 10% It is all legally drawn up with the help of a solicitor as a document but it also means that when the house is sold he gets his investment back plus a proportionate increase/decrease in the value of the house? It’s possible to have this set up with a legal document so it’s very clear that when the house is sold

I wouldn't ask.

I mean apart from the fact his story doesn't add up at all, the actual issue is he doesn't want to.

Not to mention you are only covered for up to 75k if the bank goes tits up. It's why people spread the risk over multiple accounts. They are predicting troubles after the budget for bank of England.

Why do people always buy into these fantasies?

@Sherzingaaaaa you can chose to believe this but you’re wrong. He hasn’t created some fake AI to try and con his own parents into thinking he’s essentially a millionaire. I mean have you all heard yourselves. What possible motive would he have to do this? He doesn’t ask me for a penny and hasn’t done since age 17/18. He’s always been self sufficient and contributed to the household. He doesn’t have a “proper” job so how is he managing to pay his way if he hasn’t got savings?

Back in the Monopoly board game?

🤣

Clearly I don't have a clue!

If this is even real

I would be extremely disappointed if my dc had 3M and didn't even offer to help with the housing situation. What a mean boy you have raised

It's the typical MN way @Delacorde to question your OP.

Obviously, as it's not in their circle of influence, it can't be true.

My ex made a shed load from crypto 2022-24. He gave me some of his tips and I was shocked to see my £50 turn into £750 one day.

If my 21yr old DS had made that much money, he wouldn't see wider than that, nor see the home situation. He'd spend a little more on T-shirts he likes from Insta, and buy a couple more games. He wouldn't think about buying me a house as it's not in his scope. He's happy in his bedroom living his life.

I think the question is, would you like to bring it to his attention as an option?

Sorry for hijacking op I'm really curious. I'm taking it you'd have lots of different things going on, not just one account with £3m in it...