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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not expect our dc to just buy us a house regardless of our living situation

207 replies

Delacorde · 11/11/2025 12:58

Ok so the short story is me dh and 2 dc live in a HA house that has turned out to be a nightmare due to living next door to complete nightmares for neighbours. We have experienced ASB at it’s finest but the HA aren’t interested in helping. So we saved up a small deposit to buy a house and we found one, paid to have a survey done, got approved for a mortgage we could (just) about afford and all was looking good but sadly due to complications on the sellers end and personal issues due to a divorce we are 9 months down the line and things haven’t progressed. We can’t walk away as we realistically cannot afford anything else. We viewed a couple other properties in our price range but they needed tons of money spending on them money we just don’t have. So this is where the AIBU comes into it.

Our ds age 23 who still lives with us invested in stocks/shares/crypto a few years ago and is doing very well for himself. I think the last time her brought up the subject they have (before they pay their tax bill in January) around £4M. He’s doing amazing and considering ds is very shy, hated uni, and isn’t a people person as such they have found their niche what their good at and plan on investing eg buying property. I honestly couldn’t be prouder of him.

So because of how well he is doing I’ve hard various friends and family members including my parents dsis and db ask me why I don’t just ask my ds to buy us a house and we pay him back like we would a mortgage. I was like no just no! I mean that money is for his future and why should he pay (literally) for our bad and stupid life choices eg renting all our lives and not getting on the ladder when houses were cheaper. It’s not his responsibility after all to look after us in such a way. Yet my friends and family think em and dh are ridiculous for not at least asking ds. Your thoughts?

OP posts:
Itiswhysofew · 11/11/2025 17:45

You can never expect your wealthy child to buy you a house, no. However, I'd be disappointed that they haven't offered, or at least given you a bigger deposit to buy.

Delacorde · 11/11/2025 17:45

Knowing my ds the way I do he just wouldn’t have thought to offer. He knows we managed to save the deposit ourselves so in his head he’ll just be thinking there’s a delay in the proceedings and it’ll be sorted soon then we’ll move. He pays a few hundred every month in board, he does his own washing, his own food shopping even though I obvs buy food and the fridge and cupboards are always full.

OP posts:
AngryBookworm · 11/11/2025 17:46

If he's savvy enough to amass this kind of money he's savvy enough to have it invested, so this seems odd.

I find it baffling that he has all this money and hasn't offered to contribute. At 23 he's not a dependent, he's essentially a member of the household and should at least be paying some of the rent and bills. If I came into that kind of money and could get my parents out of trouble I'd do it, no questions asked. But perhaps he's worried you'll ask too many questions...

Simplestars · 11/11/2025 17:46

@Delacorde I smell 🐂 💩.

DontbesorrybeGiles · 11/11/2025 17:48

The M is a typo - he has £4. Hence not offering to buy his parents a house.

RomeoRivers · 11/11/2025 17:50

Investments aren’t the same as spending money.

Whilst 4m is a lot of money, it’s not quite enough for financial freedom, especially given his age and the huge tax bill coming his way. Plus, the money will be locked up in different places.

He clearly doesn’t feel like your current living situation is that bad or he would be looking to move himself.

Tbh I think he’s being quite sensible by not rushing to spend the money.

I’m sure when the time is right he will help you out, but for now I think you just need to work within your own financial ability.

Delacorde · 11/11/2025 17:51

@Simplestars Think what you like. It’s a bit of an unusual story” for me to make up don’t you think? People can and do amass wealth from investing. I know very little about all of that stuff but my ds has always been interested in this area and has done ok for himself. End of story.

OP posts:
WhatATimeToBeAlive · 11/11/2025 17:52

user427654 · 11/11/2025 17:30

Why would you keep so much in your current account where it hardly earns any interest?

I don't think he needs to earn any interest with that much money!

Nevernonono · 11/11/2025 17:55

He doesn’t have to buy you a house, just increase your deposit.

SilkCottonTree · 11/11/2025 17:55

Delacorde · 11/11/2025 17:23

@333FionaG Absolutely. I’ve seen it in black and white. He isn’t showy in fact he lives very very frugally hardly spends anything on himself etc but I asked how he was doing one day and he said take a look and shown me the he balances he had.

If he really does have this money and hasn't offered to buy you a house, then that doesn't say much about his character does it? I'm not surprised your friends and family are in disbelief. If I had even a fraction of that amount and my parents were living in a nightmare with anti social neighbours, I would get them out of that situation in a heart-beat.

BillieWiper · 11/11/2025 17:55

Who keeps three million in a current account?! 😐

Delacorde · 11/11/2025 17:56

Thanks @RomeoRivers i think you’ve hit the nail on the head there. My ds whilst realises our home isn’t ideal he doesn’t think it’s that bad here. Now don’t get me wrong things haven’t been as bad lately since I stood up to our neighbours and reported them for the millionth time to the HA who have somewhat taking it a bit more seriously, but I still hate it here and have low level anxiety due to past antics. My ds though knows I don’t like it here but he probably doesn’t know the full extent.

OP posts:
user427654 · 11/11/2025 17:57

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 11/11/2025 17:52

I don't think he needs to earn any interest with that much money!

Yes, of course he does. No one leaves that kind of money sitting in a current account for very long unless they're completely clueless, which isn't hugely believable when discussing a young financial genius.

Ilovepastafortea · 11/11/2025 17:58

My feeling is that, if your son bought a house for you, it would need to be his house. That's fine - you could be his tenants, pay him rent, he would be responsible for all the upkeep, just as any landlord would be.

However, should he lose his money he may need to sell up making you homeless, Should he marry or partner he may need to sell up - again making you homeless.

Not to mention the difficulties dealing with a landlord who is also your son. To mitigate this I would suggest that he rents it to you through a property management company.

You could be tenants in common whereby he owns a proportion of the house equivalent to the amount of money that he invested - but then you may have problems getting the money out of him for essential maintenance.

You would need good legal advice should you go down this road.

Delacorde · 11/11/2025 17:59

I don’t know but It’s up to my ds where he keeps his money. He has mentioned ISA’s and other high interest accounts previously so he may have transferred some money into one of them since I last discussed things with him. I’m not his keeper and don’t demand to know where he keeps every penny.

OP posts:
Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 11/11/2025 18:00

vellichoria · 11/11/2025 16:59

Just out of curiousity what is wrong with the content and the username? I think I may be living under a rock 😊

Yeah, me too

Tryingatleast · 11/11/2025 18:01

SriouslyWhutNow

Crypto totally crashed in 2021, it has never stabilized properly since, big fairytale gains haven’t happened in a long time and no one has really done well out of it since. Additionally, you only pay tax on investments when you cash them out. Are you sure you know where this money has come from?! I wouldn’t take a house under these circs, I don’t think this money will pass AML checks.

There are definitely still people making money, huge money from crypto (friend works in this area).

op it depends on how much really

Hoppinggreen · 11/11/2025 18:01

Delacorde · 11/11/2025 17:21

No @MeatAndTwoVag he has 3m in his current/savings account and just over 1m in a safe crytpo wallet.

If he does have his investments organised like that hes not great at it really

LupinLou · 11/11/2025 18:02

When I transferred money into my current account for a house purchase the bank phoned me within minutes wanting to discuss where best to keep it as the current account wasn't the best place and that was a fraction of this amount.

Screwyousimon · 11/11/2025 18:03

4 mill and you are living in HA with antisocial neighbours? I would be ashamed if my Son did not help out to be honest. I don't believe this is real for a minute though except in fantasy land.

333FionaG · 11/11/2025 18:03

If I were you, I would ask my son for a loan to buy a house. If he genuinely has that amount of money in his account, and it hasn't occurred to him to offer to lend you the price of a house, then he's not very thoughtful.

Simplestars · 11/11/2025 18:04

Delacorde · 11/11/2025 17:56

Thanks @RomeoRivers i think you’ve hit the nail on the head there. My ds whilst realises our home isn’t ideal he doesn’t think it’s that bad here. Now don’t get me wrong things haven’t been as bad lately since I stood up to our neighbours and reported them for the millionth time to the HA who have somewhat taking it a bit more seriously, but I still hate it here and have low level anxiety due to past antics. My ds though knows I don’t like it here but he probably doesn’t know the full extent.

🥱

Sherzingaaaaa · 11/11/2025 18:04

Oh op, kindly I’d suggest he’s lying to you about his money. The evidence

  • He lives ‘very frugally’ ie spends no money
  • He did poorly in education yet is a financial genius
  • he’s not offered to help you at all
  • the only evidence you have is he ‘showed you’ a bank account with £3m in. Which on its own isn’t realistic as he would have more sense than that - only £85k of that is protected if the bank failed. It would be insanely stupid to leave it there.
  • it would be almost impossible to generate £4m from £0 within 5 years (since 18).
  • most people have lost money with crypto

I’d imagine he has just faked an account to show you - incredibly easy to do with AI.

mildlysweaty · 11/11/2025 18:06

MN is very crypto skeptic OP, so don’t expect knowledge int this area on here!

BillieWiper · 11/11/2025 18:06

user427654 · 11/11/2025 17:57

Yes, of course he does. No one leaves that kind of money sitting in a current account for very long unless they're completely clueless, which isn't hugely believable when discussing a young financial genius.

Yeah just imagine if one of the many online services he's signed up to with the current account card got hacked or someone pinched his card?! He's walking round with three million in his back pocket all day every day?! He need never work again for years on the interest he's missing out on as well.

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