To not expect our dc to just buy us a house regardless of our living situation

[Delacorde]

Ok so the short story is me dh and 2 dc live in a HA house that has turned out to be a nightmare due to living next door to complete nightmares for neighbours. We have experienced ASB at it’s finest but the HA aren’t interested in helping. So we saved up a small deposit to buy a house and we found one, paid to have a survey done, got approved for a mortgage we could (just) about afford and all was looking good but sadly due to complications on the sellers end and personal issues due to a divorce we are 9 months down the line and things haven’t progressed. We can’t walk away as we realistically cannot afford anything else. We viewed a couple other properties in our price range but they needed tons of money spending on them money we just don’t have. So this is where the AIBU comes into it.

Our ds age 23 who still lives with us invested in stocks/shares/crypto a few years ago and is doing very well for himself. I think the last time her brought up the subject they have (before they pay their tax bill in January) around £4M. He’s doing amazing and considering ds is very shy, hated uni, and isn’t a people person as such they have found their niche what their good at and plan on investing eg buying property. I honestly couldn’t be prouder of him.

So because of how well he is doing I’ve hard various friends and family members including my parents dsis and db ask me why I don’t just ask my ds to buy us a house and we pay him back like we would a mortgage. I was like no just no! I mean that money is for his future and why should he pay (literally) for our bad and stupid life choices eg renting all our lives and not getting on the ladder when houses were cheaper. It’s not his responsibility after all to look after us in such a way. Yet my friends and family think em and dh are ridiculous for not at least asking ds. Your thoughts?

Boiler room scam most likely.

A tag team of posters fishing for DMs..

Or they are sending DMs out.

He’s only spending a couple of hundred pounds a month according to you - so unemployment benefits probably.

He's got £3m in a regular old savings account? That's an odd choice for someone who apparently made his fortune in risky investments.

He might be unmaterialistic and on the spectrum, but if he's made £3 or £4m through investments then he definitely isn't stupid. He would have enough nouse to know you were struggling like hell to get a meagre deposit together and I really can't believe he didn't even offer to help with that, if nothing else. Unless conversation in your household is limited to the weather, then he would be aware of the issues. Anyway, if he really does have this money then I would not hesitate to ask him outright to buy you a house. This could be on a loan basis or not. At the very least I'd ask him for a large deposit towards a house. This all seems bonkers.

How much is the house u r wanting to buy?

Is it possible he's also something of a fantasist?

If you've seen it "in black and white" I think it's on some sort of trading game platform.

He hasn't made £1.6m, legally or otherwise, in an evening without a much bigger stake than £4m, and if he's made all this money from investing why is it now in a current account and not in said investments?

Plus why wouldn't he offer a few thousand to help his parents away from living conditions that are making them miserable?

You can not have 3 million in a current account.

You buy property and then you break up the remaining capital and invest it, distributed to balance risk and yield, so it's working for you and you're not overly reliant on any one sector.

This is the beginning summary of our quarterly report from our investment adviser: Your allocation is 47% stock, 28% bonds, 2% cash, 11% alternatives, and 11% real estate.

We have not ever made £1.7 (or even 1.6) in one night.

Yes, you can. But you wouldn't.

An investor would investor it....

1st possible motive.....mum & dad realise he's in his room gaming all day and spending the few hundred quid a month he gets in benefits (whilst conning everyone he's living 'frugally').
Ask him to make a BIG purchase for you (like the house) and see if he comes up with the funds. Bet he'll come up with all sorts of reasons 'he can't get his hands on the cash right now'.

Sorry OP but none of this makes sense. Even if he thinks you are able to buy the property and it’s just a bit delayed, he must have worked out that you’re going from a bad property to one only slightly better?

And STILL, with £4m, he doesn’t say; ‘Tell you what, let me give/lend you a few hundred thousand so you can buy a slightly nicer property’. Or ‘What’s the hold up? Does me lending you some money help?’ Like WTAF?!?

You keep excusing his behaviour but it’s utterly bizarre.

Anyway, if you really think he has the money just ask him for a loan. What’s the issue?

Your son is a fantasist and you are naive.

Neither is a particularly serious issue in isolation however when combined together it has created a very weird dynamic between the 2 of you albeit one which I suspect suits you both.

Cool, thanks, I'll know what to do if I ever make a million!

I hope he’s paying you for his board and lodging!

Not in any of mine. Maximum on most of them is £250,000. Some are £500,000. Coutts u can have millions.

This sounds a bit odd - as soon as you get much over £10k in a current
/savings account the bank is usually advising you to find a better home for it?

This is to those of you who have suggested eirher me or my ds are lying can you answer me this. What possible motive would my ds have to lie about it and why would he do that to us as his parents. I know he has this money and when I say I’ve seen it in black and white I’ve seen it close up so know it wasn’t fake. He spent a good few grand buying the huge computer set up he needed and every time I pop into his room he has like a tracker up on the screen and a total showing where his money is at.

There are TikTok’s on how to ‘prank’ people with fake account balances. There are hundreds of websites to do it if you google

@Fedupofwimps he doesn’t claim any kind of benefit and if he did the most he would get from UC would be around £280 a month. He pays me that in rent so where is is he finding the money to pay for his weekly food shop to be delivered and to buy clothes shoes and occasional treats/holidays?

I don't think any of that makes it real.

People have suggested possible motives, as actually it's not that unusual. Young, likely autistic, man creates elaborate cover to be able to stay in his room with his expensive gaming computer...you don't actually need an expensive computer set up to invest in stocks and shares. I do it on my phone!

Ask yourself what on earth he's investing in that could possibly make gains like that overnight?

Don’t even need an external site or ai to do it, just right click inspect element on your banking website and change the number to whatever number you want.

I agree. I’d say your son is a bit of a fantasist and you are very naive.

We use a private bank, but we used to bank with Natwest and there was no limit. As I recall, there was a daily transaction limit and one on how much cash you could deposit in one day (which was never an issue for us), but no limit on how much you could keep in the account.

@Amy454 You couldn’t be further from the truth. Whilst we aren’t t quite as close as we used to be eg when he was little, in general we have a great relationship. You’re calling me naive for believing my son has made money that I have seen up close in black and white.