To not expect our dc to just buy us a house regardless of our living situation

[Delacorde]

Ok so the short story is me dh and 2 dc live in a HA house that has turned out to be a nightmare due to living next door to complete nightmares for neighbours. We have experienced ASB at it’s finest but the HA aren’t interested in helping. So we saved up a small deposit to buy a house and we found one, paid to have a survey done, got approved for a mortgage we could (just) about afford and all was looking good but sadly due to complications on the sellers end and personal issues due to a divorce we are 9 months down the line and things haven’t progressed. We can’t walk away as we realistically cannot afford anything else. We viewed a couple other properties in our price range but they needed tons of money spending on them money we just don’t have. So this is where the AIBU comes into it.

Our ds age 23 who still lives with us invested in stocks/shares/crypto a few years ago and is doing very well for himself. I think the last time her brought up the subject they have (before they pay their tax bill in January) around £4M. He’s doing amazing and considering ds is very shy, hated uni, and isn’t a people person as such they have found their niche what their good at and plan on investing eg buying property. I honestly couldn’t be prouder of him.

So because of how well he is doing I’ve hard various friends and family members including my parents dsis and db ask me why I don’t just ask my ds to buy us a house and we pay him back like we would a mortgage. I was like no just no! I mean that money is for his future and why should he pay (literally) for our bad and stupid life choices eg renting all our lives and not getting on the ladder when houses were cheaper. It’s not his responsibility after all to look after us in such a way. Yet my friends and family think em and dh are ridiculous for not at least asking ds. Your thoughts?

@Delacorde What you’ve described sounds very much like how some investment or crypto scams operate — they show huge “balances” on a screen, but it isn’t actually real money in a bank.

You mentioned your DS has £3m in a current/savings account — that alone would be unusual. Ordinary UK current accounts don’t hold that kind of sum; banks would flag it instantly and he’d almost certainly have a private-banking setup. The FSCS protection limit is only £85k, so no one sensible keeps millions sitting there.

It might be worth him trying a small withdrawal from wherever the money supposedly is, just to prove it clears into his normal bank, and checking that the company or platform is on the FCA register (official list of regulated firms).

I’m not saying he’s lying — these things can look very real — but it’s worth double-checking before assuming those figures are genuine.

Theoretically possible? Yes, just like winning Euromillions is.
But is it credible in an everyday context - especially if he’s still living at home and using a normal UK bank account? No. ‘Tons’ of people are not turning a few hundred pounds into millions in a few years.

If he’d genuinely made that sort of money he would be using private-bank or wealth-management services, not chatting about ISAs.

Yes and she got caught trying to buy a house, the banks money laundering dept took a little look. Her door was kicked in live on BBC news this morning, that won't do the market any good. Everyone who invested with her lost their money.

@Delacorde I have been investing for over 30 years so know something about this. If he "won £1.6m in an evening" through investing he'd have to be investing huge sums as it would have to come from capital growth (ie: the amount the share goes up in that time and he's claiming a day). One of the biggest reported growths in 1 day was Amazon - up by 14%. He'd have to invested £12m.

Another option is dividends (which tend to be between about 5 - 10%) in a year. Even over a year to get that level of dividends you'd have to be investing £30m.

Now, crypto I do know much less about. Doing some basic research it seems that something called MYX Finance had a big rise in Q3 having gone from $0.15 to $16.4 but it's back down to $2.4 now. So maybe the figures match. Maybe they don't. Depends when he bought and sold I guess though the original investment would still have to be pretty large.

Point is, I could say it's bullshit because the outlay to get these figures to work would have to be huge and so he'd have to be worth a lot more than £4m which isn't what he's doing. I could say it's bullshit because the reality is he's saying he "won" the amount of money from nothing. I am not saying either because that's not the point of this thread. But I certainly wouldn't be using any of this "money" to buy any property.

He can invest £20,000 into a stocks and shares ISA every year.

By the time he runs out of cash (if he ever does... £4 million is a colossal sum of money), his stocks and shares ISA will have massively increased in value.

Clearly I can't tell you down to the penny what money he has and hasn't got.
Many posters are just (pleading) for you to open your eyes to the potential that everything isn't as it seems.
Watch a few of those programmes about men who convince romantic partners they have millions, flying them around on private jets etc and it turns out they haven't got a pot to piss in.
Most multi millionaires, no matter how 'nice a lad' they are - generally don't stay in the childhood bedroom of their parents HA property.

My point is you said your husband makes his money from a company he developed as a programmer. That’s not an 18yr old kid in his bedroom…..

I can’t picture this young man at all.
23, referred to alternately as they and their as much as he and him; and is he employed? Or unemployed? And with a whacking great computer system in his frugal bedroom.
Oblivious to the needs or wants of others, and showing no generous impulses.
But a financial wizard, who surely ought to be headhunted by City investment banks.
Mind you, still less can I get a handle on OP come to that.
I wonder what Mr OP makes of the whole setup.

A company that he created, by himself, in the top bedroom of our house, aged 25…. Still not sure what you’re trying to get at?

That company is still just him, in our study.

This is an excellent post, @Delacorde . I do hope you give it some headspace.

@user427654 ah that’s kind thanks!

I believe you, we had a go a few years back and turned 5k into 80k in a week. The bulk was in one day as something we invested in got moved to an open marketplace and there was major hype abouy it and we heard about it and bought it juat before it moved. Then sat there looking at it doubling and doubling in live time. Although we had been dabbling for a year, making wins and losses before we caught a huge wave. It takes so much dedication, watching, learning etc.
We reinvested 20k of the 80k and lost that in 2 weeks.
Then we stopped messing about with it as it was actually very stressful as the markets are 24/7 and you need to be watching like a hawk. Do not recommend it myself but if I was young, free and single today with nothijg to lose but time, I would absolutely be going all in.

He has 3 million in the bank but lives with you

why hasn’t he brought his own house outright

and yes be nice for him to help you born out - whether loan or buy

It’s no easy thing to liquidate profits because of the need to be tax efficient. His crypto assets will probably be in dollars. It’s been a good week for crypto, hope he’s made a killing OP but hopefully he’s holding on to that XRP 😂

Please do consider this. I work in financial fraud and see cases like this every day. Fake trading is rife and the scammers are very plausible and convincing. Has your son been taking any trading advice from anyone else? Was he sent a link to a trading platform? Was he approached by someone on social media offering investment advice? Was the money you saw definitely sitting in the current account of a UK bank? If the money is sat on a trading platform it's likely not real. If he asks to withdraw the money he will be asked to pay further funds for reasons such as tax or withdrawal fees. It will go on until he finally realises it's a scam and has lost all he's invested. I really hope this isn't the case but there are some red flags so I do think you need to have a chat with him.

Well that's not how not works. For a start there are no guarantees,and yes he could, and should use his ISA allowance, but no investor would hold that much cash waiting for next year's ISA allowance.

Many crypto traders stay away from the high street banks. They will absolutely not be on anyone's radar if the account is with Revolut or someone similar. They are a Money Launderer's paradise.

Happened to a friend of mine. Was so excited that he’d made about £250k but when it came to taking it out….it just didn’t materialise. So many crypto scams out there

With that much m9ney why wouldnt he buy a property for him and one for you? Does not need to be footballers mansions . Leave HA property for someone who needs it.

He could buy 2 x 500k properties and still have 3 million left ....and for what ? Have you talked to him about philanthropy? In any case he needs a financial and tax advisor . If he is declaring all this income capital gains he will owe a shedload of tax ??

I’d imagine has had to take a break to consider the reality of the situation….

Your right, it's not his place to buy you a house and not his responsibility. I hope things work out for you.

For some bizarre reason MN deleted my message. But I put all the details you’ve told us into ChatGPT and it said the likelihood of being able to make £4m from a small amount in 4 years - from crypto and stocks/shares - was ‘virtually zero.’ There is NO stock that would have appreciated enough to make that happen. It is something like a 4500% annual return.

He’s trading, not just investing.

My reply is still hidden from yesterday 🤷🏻

Essentially my post said that my ex boyfriend was a crypto trader. On his tip, I watched my money multiply several times over in a day.

And again for me! 🤣