I have a very passive DH, it's an ongoing frustration. He doesn't organise anything nice for me or the kids, he also doesn't do confrontation in any way.
We moved to a new area 6 years ago. I made a huge effort to get to know people, resulting in a lovely group of families who hang out regularly and he benefits from this with his kids having close friendships with the children and us receiving regular invitations to parties or outings with these people. He has never organised anything, and it's always me who arranges the outings with them or invites their kids over. He says often how lovely it is that we have met these people.
Previously we weren't in the position to host, but this year we moved to a new house and we both said it would be lovely to now be able to have friends over as we'd have space for guests.
Each year a family always hosts a party in the surrounding neighborhood to celebrate a local holiday. We've never been the hosts, so this year I suggested we take our turn and DH agreed. His family member asked if they could visit on same day and I said yes of course! Kids were very excited for their child staying over and I made sure bedding was ready, spare bedroom clean and towels etc.
Party was lovely, kids had a blast. It was only a few games and food. I did all of it - decorating the house with the kids, buying and prepping food and drinks, arranging games, I also took day off work and cleaned the whole house in preparation. The only thing he did was pour a few drinks for people and take the pizzas out of the oven.
I took the kids including family members child out to a neighbour's after the party, asking if he'd mind tidying up. He said he was happy with this.
Got home after an hour or so, house was tidy and he was on couch with wine. I said wow it's so tidy that's brilliant. But then I went upstairs and discovered he hadn't made up bed for his family member and child to sleep. So I said oh I thought you might have made up the bed?
To which both him and family member rolled their eyes and said oh FFS typical you point out the one thing not done! Made big deal saying he'd tidied up and this is all I could mention. I said well hang on, I organised everything and cleaned house? Plus took kids out to give them a chance to catch up. Family member said that the party was my idea and not DH choice. DH also said the party was my idea. I went upstairs and made up the bed, then went to bed as I didn't want to speak to either of them anymore.
I felt so sad that I'd gone to all this effort, but there was no thanks for that or that I'd prepped everything and made family member welcome. The next day I again took their child out, paid for their lunch and entertainment, because I love the child and my kids love hanging out with them. The family member and I had a short chat, during which they called me moody and controlling.
Today I feel very lonely in my relationship and unappreciated. I've felt very lonely for a long time and that my DH doesn't appreciate me. This family member always makes these sorts of comments to me and I've previously brushed it off but I'm annoyed. I'm also annoyed at the family member for being so blunt.
Aibu to be upset or am I being oversensitive and actually should have not expected him to tidy up and make up the bed.
Yabu - yes oversensitive
Yanbu - they were unkind