“A monogamous lifelong relationship is simply not what a lot of people, in particular women, want.” - Is it true that a lot of women want an open relationship?

[localnotail]

‘It’s risky business emotionally’: the social shift towards open relationships

Just read this article - Lily Allen's new album inspired discussion about how open relationships are now all the rage and how common they are etc etc. I get this is a Guardian article and it panders to a certain demographic but still?

What I find particularly weird is the psychologist who says its WOMEN who prefer non-monogamous relationship. I though women are primarily the ones getting hurt/ only do it because they fear to lose their shag around bloke (like Lily) unless they agree? And there are actually very few bog standard couples who would go down this route?

Anyways - am I being unreasonable thinking this "open marriage" thing is slightly "out there" with polyamory and BDSM? Or is it really common and I'm being massively outdated in my views?

"I believe it is possible that we have been socially conditioned into monogamy by the patriarchy over thousands of years against our own interests."

Except that in some patriarchal societies there is polygyny i.e. men having many wives. Who suffers the most in this situation? The less attractive/powerful men who end up alone or even sent out of the community (e.g. "lost boys"). So the same losers as in the hypothetical matriarchal system you talk about.

I agree that this a kink and is not the same as open relationship. Open relationship is not a kink, its simply a desire to have multiple sex partners while still being nominally in a relationship - ie benefitting from all the positive elements of being with someone (finances, emotional support, status etc) while acting as if you are single.

I far as I can see it wasn't an open marriage he was just unfaithful repeatedly and she looks deeply uneasy in that pic, the whole relationship seems ill-judged.

Well, they are only mentioned briefly in the article. But I agree that, in a way, they seem to represent what "open relationship" are about - uneasy, unhappy female going into it under pressure from a man who wants a license to shag around, and basically says "do it or we will split up".

That picture is gross on so many levels. Lily must be massively fucked up by her parents to keep picking these ugly older pervy looking men to be with.

In a matriarchal society women wouldn’t need support and resources from a male partner, they would get it from other women and the wider community.

I would imagine that’s why monogamy has become the preferred choice for most societies, because in both situations the less attractive/powerful men lose out and disharmony occurs.