“A monogamous lifelong relationship is simply not what a lot of people, in particular women, want.” - Is it true that a lot of women want an open relationship?

[localnotail]

‘It’s risky business emotionally’: the social shift towards open relationships

Just read this article - Lily Allen's new album inspired discussion about how open relationships are now all the rage and how common they are etc etc. I get this is a Guardian article and it panders to a certain demographic but still?

What I find particularly weird is the psychologist who says its WOMEN who prefer non-monogamous relationship. I though women are primarily the ones getting hurt/ only do it because they fear to lose their shag around bloke (like Lily) unless they agree? And there are actually very few bog standard couples who would go down this route?

Anyways - am I being unreasonable thinking this "open marriage" thing is slightly "out there" with polyamory and BDSM? Or is it really common and I'm being massively outdated in my views?

That picture is giving me massive creepy vibe. eeeeeew.

I absolutely don’t.

I’m a jealous piece of shit 🤷🏻‍♀️😂
Not sharing with anybody.

Nope

I don't want any relationship.

Maybe it refers to the younger generation. All these open-relationships/ polygamy tends to be more of the younger people. I can understand occasional kinky stuff with another person can be fun but I wouldn't want to share my husband long-term.

One bloke is too much work for me so I can't wrap my head around wanting more than one. Or multiples.

And I think men like the idea, but just don't get that it is about 95% easier for women to get random shags from other blokes, than it is the other way round for men. And then get angry if the wife is playing away and they're not able to.

I don’t and never have

when my then H and I had small children and were both working full time we used to joke we didn’t have time for one relationship let alone another!

more seriously, this is a lifestyle for people who don’t have small kids.

Having just watched Couples Therapy (iPlayer) and seen how the throuple dynamics work in that, I’d say open marriages, polyamory etc mainly seem to satisfy men and largely seem to be fraught with drama and upset for some people whilst others have a lovely time getting their own way. I’m sure there are some women who would like an open marriage but I’d be very surprised if they’re not outnumbered by men.

I don’t think that’s remotely true.

I chose YANBU but I think that was a mistake on my part. It's a NO NO for any of that sharing shite. She's an attention seeking twat.

Nope.

Nah it’s mostly creepy men who are behind this drive for open relationships, but no doubt it will be repackaged as a feminist move or something.

There is always that tension between faithfulness and the exciting potential of a new person. So I can imagine that women might contemplate it.

But in anything more than that, ewww, no.

Not for me…

And I think it becomes extra complicated when couples start having children

Absolutely not. It’s sleazy and sordid.

Another vote stating she’s an attention seeking twat. Ooooh how cool is it to try and change everything about society and turn it on its head. Wouldn’t it be great to be so privileged you don’t have to worry about buying food next week. Fucking wish they’d all grow up.

It’s one of those things that isn’t on your radar until it’s on your radar. We got to the point where our marriage was effectively done. I wanted attention and intimacy but didn’t want to cheat as such, and didn’t want to leave my marriage for a number of reasons, money, stability for kids etc. I then met someone who had that arrangement with his wife. So I told my husband who seemed unconcerned: doing it in plain sight I guess he knew where he stood. And so off we went. And I still am a couple of years later. It is emotionally challenging. You need to be clear on what you want etc. and it only works with extremely frank communication. But it does work.

I think it’s more common than you realise. I can think of two straight polyamorous married couples I know where the woman gets much more action than the bloke. I (female) am in an open relationship and it was my idea for it to be non-monogamous. I’ve been with a couple of other people, my male partner hasn’t. You have to communicate well. Open relationships aren’t just one person saying “I want to shag other people and that’s a done deal”.

I can see the appeal but tbh the reality would be very difficult.

In my experience the only women who want open relationships are embarrassing attention seeking idiots who pander to men while pretending they're doing the opposite.

And all of them end up trying open relationships once and never again

Doesn't appeal to me. But so many people who are meant to be in a monogamous relationship end up cheating, so maybe it'd be better if open relationships become more normalised and those people find each other and have consensual open relationships, instead of being with someone who wants a monogamous relationship and causing enormous pain to them by cheating.

Definitely I'd be open to an open relationship - but my DH absolutely wouldn't (I've even asked before). I think men generally are more territorial and less likely to agree to it, and yes women are more open to it imo

Every polyamorous 'throuple' on Couples Therapy had a very similar dynamic: one man at the centre complaining that he wasn't getting enough attention/gratitude and how the women had to do more/be more mindful of his needs and realize how hard it is for him 🙄. Classic narc vibes and the women are co-dependents. Unsurprisingly they aren't happy either.

Or how not hard it is, for him LOL.

I've got no pity. Men want it. Have this fever dream of how it'll be. Then reality hits.

Ugh god no. I don't care what other people do but I'm a one man woman. I was promiscuous for several years but only because I had some issues, and all I really wanted even then, was stability and love, and I realise now that being promiscuous was about getting validation, even if it was fleeting, self-destructive, and the men weren't great (a few were 😉)