“A monogamous lifelong relationship is simply not what a lot of people, in particular women, want.” - Is it true that a lot of women want an open relationship?

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‘It’s risky business emotionally’: the social shift towards open relationships

Just read this article - Lily Allen's new album inspired discussion about how open relationships are now all the rage and how common they are etc etc. I get this is a Guardian article and it panders to a certain demographic but still?

What I find particularly weird is the psychologist who says its WOMEN who prefer non-monogamous relationship. I though women are primarily the ones getting hurt/ only do it because they fear to lose their shag around bloke (like Lily) unless they agree? And there are actually very few bog standard couples who would go down this route?

Anyways - am I being unreasonable thinking this "open marriage" thing is slightly "out there" with polyamory and BDSM? Or is it really common and I'm being massively outdated in my views?

I also think we probably should qualify that for most women "sex" means "sex with someone attractive" - if I go on dating sites I will sure get offers, but I wont, for example, have sex with an old drunken homeless man "chatting me up" at a bus stop, and most of what is available on dating site is not far off in quality...

The post above sums up my situation very well though it was my DH who suggested swinging and I went along with it, initially sceptical but now very much on board.

I find it makes sense for us. I'm 56, DH is 57, We've raised two kids who are both financially independent. As long as we're communicating with eachother it doesn't harm anyone. Fair to say I'm having the best sex of my life. Always plenty of choice, and they're definitely not all weirdos and deviants, and then I go home with my lovely DH.

I don't think it would have worked for us earlier in life when we were focused on building a secure family home. I understand the viewpoint of the majority of posters on this thread because mine would have been exactly the same a few short years ago.

That's really interesting. Who is your DH having sex with? Younger women?

Absolutely.. it’s just not been my experience at all. I’ve had more offers in my 40s than any other decade, from all ages.

They definitely do approach in bars.

Exactly, I’ve seen it on films and in the celeb world, but not in real life. People tend to be with people their own age.

Just not like that in the real world. Young women want attractive fit young men aside from the odd outlier.

I don't know any women in their 20s or their 30s who are, or have been, dating men in their 40s or 50s. They're all dating men within about five years of their own age, either older or younger.

I think some people have multiple long term relationships, some of them seem to rank them like primary partner, secondary partner etc, which could get very complicated

I don't want a relationship with even one.

Wouldn't mind several sexual partners, but can't be arsed with that either.

Worth it if the sex is good.

Lol nobody mostly (unless you count me!)

The swinging scene is very tough on men due to the laws of supply and demand. A woman, whatever she looks like, can pick and choose.

Unfortunately DH is not conventionally good looking and has ED, neither of which help.

I guess they approach you, but I never see it, not just that it doesn't happen to me, but I don't see it when out and about. I think it's mainly gone online.

Did he agree to/suggest the open relationship just to keep you? He knows you could easily find someone else and he'd be alone.

Hang on, your DH suggested swinging and now you are swinging and he has no one to swing with? That's wild. What did he think would happen?

He's one of those guys who are turned on by the idea of their wife with another guy. There's a whole thread about this on the sex forum - turns out it's a lot more common than you might think. Was certainly news to me !

Yes I could have left him but I don't dislike him. We're compatible in just about every way but the sex had gone a bit awry. To split the family and start again .... No, I prefer this way!

Sometimes we have a threesome with another guy, sometimes it's just me and a single guy. As I said to a pp he's one of the guys who are turned on by the idea of their wife with another guy. I know - wild !

A lot of guys do get disillusioned by the swinging scene because it's their wife that gets all the attention. They just have to deal with it.

Not everyone does hierarchical polyamory like this, but many do. Just as you might have a best friend, a couple of fairly close friends and a few drinking buddies, different partners can involve different levels of time and emotional commitment.

Well, I know a lot of couples where the guy is 6-10 years older. Its just how it is! Its not unheard of, especially in a second marriage.

Young women are also attracted to money, status, experience and intelligence

And I did specify that the guys I'm taking about are fit.

My view could be skewered because I work in the environment where men are paid more than women, usually are in higher positions than females, usually into fitness, cycling, and are intelligent and interesting. But they still men and if possible would go for a young rather then same age as them!

I know one swinging couple, they are happy. In this couple, its the (younger) wife who drives it. But I would say they are part of the kink scene, they are not a standard couple, and they dont have an open marriage. They just have this kind of sex which they both like.

I never did, but each to their own. 🤷‍♀️

Nope, and open relationship is the quickest way to split up if your married.

I applaud your energy. I am 53 and barely have enough energy to shave my legs!

And I know a number of couples in open marriages which have been going strong for years.

Of course, both “sides” will have confirmation bias.