“A monogamous lifelong relationship is simply not what a lot of people, in particular women, want.” - Is it true that a lot of women want an open relationship?

[localnotail]

‘It’s risky business emotionally’: the social shift towards open relationships

Just read this article - Lily Allen's new album inspired discussion about how open relationships are now all the rage and how common they are etc etc. I get this is a Guardian article and it panders to a certain demographic but still?

What I find particularly weird is the psychologist who says its WOMEN who prefer non-monogamous relationship. I though women are primarily the ones getting hurt/ only do it because they fear to lose their shag around bloke (like Lily) unless they agree? And there are actually very few bog standard couples who would go down this route?

Anyways - am I being unreasonable thinking this "open marriage" thing is slightly "out there" with polyamory and BDSM? Or is it really common and I'm being massively outdated in my views?

I’m glad I’m not in that world then. The women sound like gold diggers.

I think these "gold diggers" are everywhere... maybe older guys around you have nothing to offer (in terms of looks, money, status, experience, ect), but believe me - if they did, there would be a lot of young girls after them.

In the end of the day, open any romantic novel and see what some people find romantic ))) its hilarious.

I literally could not care less, just stating the obvious.

There are men with money everywhere but I see them with women their own age. I accept it might be different in certain areas

Going by my experience, this is a pretty common age for it.

I'm not sure what you mean by "areas" but ok, maybe.

Not for me. Far too much drama.

There is a theory that women are naturally non-monogamous, and that men forced monogamy onto us through controlling resources in order to guarantee the least attractive men would have sexual access to women. The theory is that we used to live in non-monogamous matriarchal societies where the women would have sex with the most attractive men, meaning the least attractive men would not get chosen by the women.

The least attractive men did not like this, so they took control of resources through strength and thus took control of women, and forced monogamy onto us, guaranteeing all men a sexual partner and chance to reproduce.

There is research that shows women are much more likely get bored with the same sexual partner compared to men. I believe it is possible that we have been socially conditioned into monogamy by the patriarchy over thousands of years against our own interests.

Sara Pascoe says it best (watch to the end) https://youtube.com/shorts/ops9NdTPzR0?si=8_4Lp6C4nyNh9wIT

I meant like wealthy areas of London etc

Well no, its not confined to London. Or even to UK alone.

But if you think it is, I wont argue - because it doesn't matter and is not the point on my OP.

The problem with this theory is that when women have children they are naturally vulnerable and need support, so in this sense having a reliable committed partner is important. In a way, it applies even to today - you still need support, not only financial. Would you get it if you have several non-committed partners and dont even know which one is the father?

And while a lot of females have healthy sexual appetites, it gets less so as we age, sometimes to the point where sex is not important for some. With men, most of them are like randy dogs no matter what age they are.

Mines getting stronger as I age, whereas I know men who can’t be arsed as they age. Everyone is different

There are 4.5bn women on this planet.

Do I believe some of them don’t want monogamy? Absolutely. I think it’s a tiny minority but a tiny minority of 4.5bn is still a large number.

(Also the rates of infidelity suggests quite a few people struggle with monogamy.)

With financial inheritance going from father to son (for centuries) it was necessary for women to be monogamous if men were to have certainty of parentage.

Ugh not for me, I can’t think of anything worse than sleeping with multiple people but I’ve been single and celibate for a decade because I don’t do causal sex which I realise is unusual.

Well I get that you are different, no one says we are all the same.

Edited: I've never heard of someone's sex drive increasing post-menopause (unless taking testosterone). If 81 is your birth year you are still early 40s so lets wait another 10 years at least...

I’m 44, but have friends in their 50s loving the carefree sex and confidence. You just have very rigid ideas and think in stereotypes.

ok, no worries.

All this poly what not is just another way of saying I like to shag around. When you're young you like to have a lot of sex. Stop dressing it up as some kind of special way of life. You just want to bonk a lot 😂

Edited to add same can be true of any age.

I know quite a few people who are poly but it isn't me. I think it's good that the language is out there now for people to express their real feelings, and if you approach it respectfully then being poly or nonmonogamous is fine, but not for me. I personally don't have time for one boyfriend, one dog and two step children, I can't imagine more commitments 😆

I know quite a few people who are poly but it isn't me. I think it's good that the language is out there now for people to express their real feelings, and if you approach it respectfully then being poly or nonmonogamous is fine, but not for me. I personally don't have time for one boyfriend, one dog and two step children, I can't imagine more commitments 😆

Not unusual. Plenty of people aren't sexually active. You do you!

@OneQuirkyPanda "There is research that shows women are much more likely get bored with the same sexual partner compared to men. "

Well, they haven't done the same "research" as me in my 68 years on this planet. I wish I had £1 for every bloke I've known that buggered off with a younger model, paid for sex workers or had a bit on the side. Or that tried to chat up the 17 year old office junior!

Let’s be clear: no woman ever wants an open relationship. Because 1. They do so to keep the man happy, otherwise the man leaves her. 2. Woman does it to make out she’s better (more open/exciting) than all the previous girlfriends who dumped her man. This cycle is very short because 3. Which is man eventually finds someone younger, prettier than the existing girlfriend. 4. Both have an open relationship to find others, instead of finishing the relationship. 5. Man gets a fling pregnant who goes on to have the child.

So is he present while you do it? Is it cuckolding? In that case, isn't it more of a threesome than a genuinely open relationship? The watcher/voyeur is part of it?